The Race to Hell
by Der schwarze Prinz
Summary: Two years after the 2.movie nothing is like it was before in the Baker house. After an accident that left Charlie in a coma,the family isn t the same anymore. Everyone has problems in his life but they can t count in the others anymore. Complete.
1. Old man is visiting dead men s places

**_Author´s note: I don´t know if I will ever be able to finish this story, because there are many chapters to write, but I started and I decided to publish, does not cost anything, does it? Every chapter is in the point of view of an other Baker._**

**_Warnings: I would say it should be rated T, I think this story can be read by 13 years old. But there are mentioned things like suicide attempt and perhaps some mentions of loving actions, so I am not sure with the rating now. Remember this. Rating could be changed._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Cheaper by the dozen, but the ideas in this story, they are mine. _**

**_Summery: After an accident that left Charlie in a coma, the Baker family is broken and their lifes are ripped apart. A lot of bad things happened to them and now they don´t know how to face it all. What´s going on with everyone and how they deal with their problems ist told here._**

**_Little note at the end: English is not my native language. If you see any mistakes, please tell me, I will correct them, but I try to do as less mistakes as I can. Don´t be so upset if there are mistakes, please. _**

**Part I**

I don´t wanna wake up today

´cuz every day´s the same

and I´ve been waited so long

For things to change

_(Simple Plan – Jump)_

_**Old man is visiting dead men´s places**_ (_Tom´s PoV)_

A father should have to do something else on a saturday afternoon. Not hanging around in a big, white-coloured hospital to visit two of his sons.

I looked at my watch. It was two thirty p.m.. I breathed deeply while the lift stopped at the floor where the ICU was. I walked straight to room number twelve, giving a short look at the lady behind the reception desk, so she could recognize my face and entered the room.

Kate, my wife, always said, that twelve is our number. It always was. So no way, my first born son Charlie laid in that room.

I entered the room quietly, also I didn´t know why. He wouldn´t hear me if I would come in with a horde of elephants.

I went to his bed and watched him carefully. He looked totally like he would be asleep, or, if I wouldn´t know it better, as if he would be dead, except for the numbers of machines, controlling his breath, watching his heart´s work.

He was in coma for almost a year now. A car hit him badly.

I sat down at my normal place and took his cold hand. The doctors didn´t know if he will ever wake up. I saw in their eyes when I talked to them, that they did not believe that he will come back.

But if I stopped to believe, I think he really could die.

Eleven month ago, the accident happened. I wasn´t there. I was with Kim and Jessica on this science competition. But they didn´t won. The first time they didn´t won, just because before they were able to, Kate called me and told me what happened and we went home.

We waited half a day before the doctors told us that Charlie lied in a coma, and they couldn´t tell when and if he would wake up.

None of my children was seriously hurt before. Jake broke some of his bones while skating and Mike felt down from the lamp in the hall while he swung on it and broke his arm, but that was all.

We were very lucky before.

I would have bet that nothing could change so soon so strong like it does during the last few month, but it did.

I would´ve like to tell Charlie something, but I didn´t really know something happy and I didn´t want to tell him all the other things, perhaps he didn´t want come back if he hears.

"That´s stupid, dad", Sarah´s told me, "he won´t realize. He´s in coma. Go talking to Jake. Charlie won´t be able to listen."

But I think that Charlie really listened better then Jake did. But I also had to visit Jake, also perhaps it would made me worse to see him as to see Charlie.

No parents should go through such hard times. It hurts a lot.

"So little Tom is getting taller every time I see him", I told Charlie. "you would be very proud of your nephew."

That was all I could say. I didn´t want to tell him all the other things. The things that went wrong, the things I would like to forget.

I sat a long time there, watched Charlie not moving.

My heart told me to go away, because seeing him like this hurts too much, but my brain knew what comes when I got out of this room. Than I have to see Jake.

"Do you know, I do really good in my job now", I told Charlie like I always did.

He´s my eldest son. He had a sister, Nora, which was older than him, four years older.

She was twenty-six. She was great, she had a husband and a son, named after me, and she was pregnant with another child.

She got through it all.

I would´ve liked to say that it´s just another day, when I got up an hour later, took my jacket and went out of the room.

I went to visit Jake. He´s been here for almost a month. In the psychiatric department.

No one knew when he would be able to get out.

Like I would never forget the day of Charlie´s accident, I would never forget the day, I found Jake, my sixth child of twelve a month ago, covered with blood, almost dead. He wanted to kill himself.

It wasn´t the first time. A week before he took too much of his medicine and ended up in hospital.

We all didn´t think that he wanted to kill himself this day. We thought it was an accident. But then I found him, laying still on the floor of the bathroom.

I entered the station. I looked for Dr. Miller, Jakes psychiatrist, to ask him how Jake was.

Dr. Miller was a young man in the thirties.

I found him standing at the wall, talking to Betty, a nurse. He recognized me and came over.

"Hello, Mr. Baker."

"Hello, Dr. Miller."

"So, how´s Charlie doing?", he asked me.

"Still the same. How´s Jake?"

"The same."

I didn´t really expect another answer.

"So I can visit him?"

"Of course."

I nodded. When I wanted to walk to Jakes room, Dr. Miller asked me back.

"Mr. Baker. Look, I´m really worried about Jake. He´s here for almost a month and his conditions didn´t really change. I wondered if I should give him some other anti-depressive, but I decided that it would not be the right way."

"Okay", was everything I could say.

Than I went to see Jake.

He was sitting on one of the chairs standing at the small table at one side of the room, watching out of the window. There just were a bed and a wardrobe more in this room.

"Hi Jake."

"Hi Dad." Just his emotionless voice made my heart sink.

I went over to him, rested a short moment at his side to stroke his head with one hand, but he winced barely noticeable and turned his head slightly away.

I sat down on the other chair at the other side of the table.

"How are you?", I asked him.

"The doctor already asked me that earlier the day." I think he really knew that this wasn´t an answer to my question. I think that was exactly the reason why he said.

"And what you´ve told him?"

"That he has to give a shit for that."

"And I? I am your dad."

He didn´t answer. He didn´t look in my eyes. But I saw his eyes. Just as emotionless as his voice.

He stood up, went over to his bed and sat down there.  
"I had to draw a picture. I mean, what´s that? I am sixteen! I don´t draw little pictures that show my fucking _(sorry for language) _emotion."

I followed him to his bed and asked him, what he´d drawn.

"Who´s interested in that? When I draw a picture with people covered with blood, people think I´m crazy, when I draw a picture of my family being very happy, this man interprets my wishes, if I draw everything like it really is, he says I´m afraid or sad or something! I also could draw him being a hanged man."

"He just wants to help you. He wants to know why you tried to kill yourself for knowing how he can help you."

"I´ve already told him why I want to be dead. I don´t want to feel the pain anymore. I want to be free. But as we saw, I am not allowed to feel well, because it didn´t went."

I had never felt so helpless.

Two of my sons needed my help. And I didn´t know what to do.

_Reviews would be nice._


	2. Everything is just fiction

_**Many thanks to **chaylyn **for reviewing. I am happy you liked it, but I am afraid you have to wait a few chapters until it is explained, I think it chapter seven, sorry, I have already finished my storyline. **_

_**I hope you like the next chapter. It is much shorter then the first one.**_

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Cheaper by the dozen. _**

_**Everything is just fiction **(Kate) _

Nothing. A blank paper laying in front of me, with nothing on it.

I put my pen aside and sighed. I have tried it five times now, but it didn´t work once.

The first time I started to write my fictional story, Lilly Collins was like my sister had been before she died. The second time, she reminded me a lot after Nora, my eldest daughter. Another time, she totally behaved like my youngest daughters, the twins Jessica and Kim. Than I imagined a very nice person, I thought of she would be pretty new, when I recognized that she was much like Sarah an other daughter of mine. And now, in front of me laid a perfect copy of my second eldest girl Lorraine, formed from pen and paper.

I wasn´t able to talk not about my family, direct or indirect, when I wrote.

I sighed again. That could not be possible.

There was a knock at the door and I said "yes" to let the one in.

It was Jessica, she gave me a weak smile and I smiled back. "Hello darling", I said. "What´s the matter?"

She held the phone in her hands, I am afraid to say that she looked like a hurt pet. I didn´t recognized that the telephone rang, but I did not recognize anything that was going on in this house when I write.

"Lorraine is on the phone." Jessica came over to me and handed me the phone. "Thanks darling", I told her when she went out and then I answered the phone.

"Hello Lorraine." My voice sounded like crap, but I think, Lorraine did not notice.

"Hi Mum, you will not be able to believe what happened!" She was so happy and excited no one of my family has been for months.

"So, what darling?"

"Will asked me to marry him!"

For a moment, I forget to breath.

She was right, I really wasn´t able to believe. I knew Lorraine had this boyfriend Will, but I never met him, and Tom didn´t either. He was a complete stranger.

"Wow, that´s great darling", I said, also I thought it was horrible.

"Yes, isn´t it, and you know, it will be such a nice wedding. Wait till you meet Will, he´s the greatest."

"Sure he is", I said. I really wasn´t happy. I thought for all the boyfriend Lorraine had. There had been Duncan, the football player, who was to stupid for counting to twenty, then Ronnie, the rocker, who just lived for his motor bike, and I just wondered what jerk was it now.

"So, can Will and me visit you the coming week?"

I was totally shocked so first I nodded, when I noticed that I spoke on the phone, and said "Yes. Tuesday would be great."

"Fantastic, so we´ll be there. Ehm...how are ..."

"Yes?"

"Nothing, goodbye." And she went.

I knew she wanted to ask for the family, especially Charlie and Jake, and perhaps Henry, but she sounded so lucky, that we both knew that it was the best thing to forget about it for a moment.

Especially because Lorraine was so happy at this moment, no one should destroy this.

Another sigh escaped my lips and I shut my eyes, just for a short moment, in which I tried to get back the control of my body, which shook a little bit.

I could hear the kids playing outside, Nigel and Kyle played hide and seek and Mike was definitly trying some extreme sports. I could really imagine them.

I took a look on my paper, where Lilly Collins still watched me with green - brown eyes, like Lorraine´s and I decided to let her marry a jerk and after that meet a really nice man and start an affair with him.

I totally imagined her, as someone totally new, ´cause everything is just fiction, which means the whole life.

_**Please review. **_


	3. Hide and Seek

_**Thanks to **Lauren-95 **for reviewing. **_

_**Here is another chapter, it is really short, but don´t worry, the next one will be a little longer. But either it is short, it is still important. **_

_**Hide and Seek **(Kyle)_

"It´s stupid."

"It´s cool."

Nigel and I were standing on the edge of Lorraine boulevard and watched Mike, trying out a trick with _Jakes_ skateboard. Jake would have definitely killed Mike if he had known that Mike took his skateboard, but Jake wasn´t there. He was in psychiatry. He went crazy, trying to _kill _himself.

Wham. That was Mike, who felt down.

I hated someone doing something on the street. Like Mike was doing now. It´s just that it happened here, that what happened to Charlie.

Mike became very cool, nowadays he´s a little bit like Sarah was before Elliott came into her life.

"There´s Dad", Nigels says.

I didn´t know if I want to talk to dad, he has visited Charlie and Jake.

"Let´s play hide and seek", I told Nigel. He nodded.

"Yeah, let´s play hide and seek. Than no one knows where we are."

"You search the first time." And I ran away for hiding. In our house were a lot of good places for hiding.

I ran into the house and went to hide in the cellar. There were a lot of clothes, mum had not washed

it yet, and I hide behind.

It was totally quite here. I sat behind those dirty clothes, wondering how slow the time could went forward.

In the upper rooms, something rang, Dad´s mobile phone. I knew the sound, because no one´s phone rang like Dad´s. The ringing became louder. Suddenly, the door of the cellar went open and Dad went in, running downstairs, answering his phone.

"Jeanie. Nice that you call me."

I didn´t know a Jeanie. Never heard this name.

"You know, I´m at home. I´ve got kids."

Yes, twelve.

"I can´t come."

My legs began to hurt. Perhaps I should move.

"I love you, too."

I never heard Dad say that to someone else as mum or us. Whom did he love? Perhaps Nora or Lorraine called. But I didn´t understand why Dad talked to them in the cellar.

I was very confused when Dad went out of the cellar.

A minute later Nigel came in.  
"Found you, Kyle, you are."

"I don´t want to play anymore", I told him. Hide and seek is not so much fun, I thought. It´s fun when Sarah plays with you, because she knows brilliant places to hide.

"We could ask Sarah to play with us."

"She will not do. She is the new Lorraine." I think, Nigel´s right.

"But she´s cooler", I answer.

"Yeah, she is."

We ran upstairs, searching for Mike or Sarah or anyone who would play with us, but I don´t think someone would.

We couldn´t find Sarah, Mike went away.

"Maybe Dad plays with us", Nigel said.

"Uh, don´t know." I don´t think so. "Has to do a lot of work, I think. He has a new partner, Jeanie."

_**Please review and tell me what you think! **_


	4. This day never went

_**Here is the next chapter. It´s written in Henry´s Point of View. **_

_**RippedIntoPeices (I hope you keep reading) asked, how old the Baker Kids are in the story. The story is set about two years after the second movie. I thought of Henry, who is in this chapter, being 18 years. **_

_**The others:**_

_Nora – 26_

_Charlie – 22_

_Lorraine – about 20, what´s really young for getting married in my opinion, but it´s okay, because where I live you are an adult with 18_

_Sarah – 17_

_Jake – 16_

_Mark – 15_

_Jessica & Kim – 13_

_Mike – 10_

_Nigel & Kyle – 8_

_In the first film Kate said, that she was twenty-two, when she was pregnant with Nora, I think, so she is 48 years old now and Tom is around the same age or a little bit older._

_**Enjoy the chapter!**_

**Chapter**

_**This day never went **(Henry)_

I stood in front of my locker and thought for how much I hated Mondays.

I couldn´t believe I´ve to go to school three month until I was graduated.

"Hey, Baker." I didn´t turn. Perhaps Sarah was on the floor and this person wanted to talk to _her. _

"Baker!"

Okay, it was for me. I turned around and saw Duncan Stevenson walking straight to me.

"Why weren´t you at the party on Saturday?"

I sighed. The fact is: I hate parties.

"No time. I had to help my mother at the house", I lied.

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah." I hated using this word. Reminded me much on Owen or Jake. And I didn´t want to think of Owen or Jake. But if you´re talking to persons like Duncan Stevenson, you´ve got to use this kind of words.

"So what if we´re going to visit "Cappi´s" after school?", Duncan asked. Cappi´s is a kind of café where kids like us hang around after school.

"Can´t. Band practice."

"Oh, okay." I knew he wanted to be friendly, to, yes, make me not hating him, being not angry with him, but... I am not angry with him. I don´t hate him. I just won´t hang around with him or any of his friends, ´cause if they wouldn´t exist, Owen would still exist. OR if I had done something.

"Henry?", Duncan asked.

"Hmm?"

"But I see you at the party this weekend, this party Patrick Davis gives. It will be hot", Duncan grinned. I watched him. "We will see", I said, ´cause you can not say no to Duncan.

"See you at the party than", Duncan said, also we would meet tomorrow in school. I sighed, after lunch I had just three more lessons and than band practise.

I hated hanging around in school, but I hated hanging around at home much more.

I entered the cafeteria and I saw Sarah sitting at one of the first tables with her friends, Claire, Josie, Melanie... I didn´t know the other names. But it was strange to see them. Sarah wasn´t a tomboy anymore. She had grown a nice _girl_. Strange. Nothing was like it was in the past.

Like always, I didn´t know where to sit down. I knew, George and Michael didn´t blame me for what happened, but it´s hard to look in their eyes, either. But I didn´t want to sit down next to Duncan and his friends so I sat down in front of my old friends.

I know we are still friends, but not like we´ve been before it happened.

"Hey guys", I said.

"Hey Henry", George smiled and I was happy about that. Michael didn´t looked at me once.

"So how was your art lesson?", I asked them.

"Okay, Miss Rocket wanted us to draw fruits." Again it was George who answered.

I raised my eyebrows. I was so happy about not needing arts for being graduated, I´m the music one.

I just ate my lunch when I noticed Conner Andrews and Cameron Coulter watching me. I sighed. Conner and Cameron were Jakes friends. I didn´t want to talk to them. They knew Dad had been on a visit this weekend and sure they wanted to know how Jake was.

And as if I had telepathically skills Conner stood up and came over to me.

I really didn´t want to talk to him, but on the other side... I thought. Conner and Cameron were kind of "looser" on this school, and perhaps if I would talk to a looser, Duncan wouldn´t want to see me on his party anymore.

Meanwhile Conner had reached our table. I can tell you, he felt uncomfortable.

"Hey Henry", he said.

"Hey Conner", I said, not noting Michael and George went away form us, "what´s the matter?"

"I just wanted to ask how Jake´s doing", Conner whispered.

I gave him a sad smile. "Dad visited him this weekend. He´s still the same. I wish I could tell you something else, but I can not."

"Okay." Conner hesitated a moment, he wanted to say something else. "Do you think he would like us to visit him?"

I watched my plate. How interesting little crumbs seem when you wish them to be the only things that are in one room with you.

"I think...I don´t know. Perhaps. Dad says it seems like it would not matter to Jake if someone comes for a visit. But...perhaps he´s wrong and Jake would really like to see his friends. I know you were always good friends to him."

Silence. Than: "Thanks Henry."

"For what?"

"For talking to me. I know I am a looser and it´s not good for you to talk to me. Your friends could be angry. But I wanted to know how Jake is."

Suddenly I felt strange. Why it shouldn´t be good for me to talk with Jakes friends? Why Jakes friends should be looser, why Jake was always treated as a looser here in school? At home he has always been the coolest.

"Talk to me whenever you want, Conner", I said. "It´s okay."

He smiled.

"Michael and George accept this", I told him, also they went away ´cause they didn´t want to be seen with Conner, they really accepted.

"But Duncan Stevenson will not", Conner explained.

I frowned. "Why do you think, Duncan Stevenson is my friend?"

Conner didn´t watch me when he answered.

"Because he feels guilty for Owen´s death", he whispered.

I gulped. There was no day I wasn´t reminded on Owen, and there was no day I wasn´t reminded on the day he died, during a drinking game with Duncan. This day never went.


	5. About the lucky ones and the others

**Chapter**

**_About the lucky ones and the others _**_(Jessica)_

"Jessica, are you listening?"

"Hmm? Oh yes, yes." If I was honest, I wasn´t listening to Steve, who was cleaning his glasses and stared at me.

"So, what do you think of this idea?"

"Which?", I asked.

Steve sighed. "You weren´t listening to me, right Jessica? You watched Kim and her friends."

"I didn´t", I wanted to justify myself, but I knew it had no sense. Because I really watched Kim and her stupid friends and I really didn´t listening and Steve isn´t stupid, of cause he recognized it.

I would not have a stupid best friend, not like Kim.

"So why you don´t go over and talk to your sister, it seems that you want to", Steve said. I looked at him, horrified.  
"I am not crazy, Steve. I can not go there and talk to her during _school", _I explained.

"Why?"

"Steve, stop it, you know why."

"I still don´t understand. All this talking about cool and uncool, and that you´re not allowed to talk to your sister. She´s your _twin._"

I sighed. Of cause he didn´t understand, there was no reason, but it was a rule. A rule the cool kids made. And they also decided who was cool and who not.

"You hate hanging around with me." First I didn´t catch what Steve said, but than I did. "You´re jealous of Kim. Because she is cool."

"What? Steve of cause not! You´re my friend. I can not imagine a better friend."

"Just because I´m the only one."

Did you ever get so hurt, by hearing someone say something so hurt? Steve´s voice just sounded so hurt I turned around and gave him a horrified look.

"I am happy about you being my friend. You are a real friend and that´s everything that counts. Stop being so stupid Steve, you´re much more intelligent."

He didn´t say anything and I stood up and took my tray. "I´ve finished lunch", I told Steve, "I want to inquiry something in the library." Then I went away.

I sat in the library and sighed. I had to do a project about Napoleon but something totally blew my concentration: Kim and her two best friends Cindy and Monica were just a few tables away, laughing. No question that they didn´t work, just talked about boys and make up.

Steve´s words didn´t want to go out of my head: you´re jealous.

I wasn´t jealous. Not this way. I just didn´t understand, and that´s strange because normally I understand a lot, why she was cool and I, her twin sister wasn´t.

She was just lucky.

I gave up. I took the books and went to the reception desk.  
"I want to take those books home with me."

"All?!"

"Yes, all of them."

"Okay, and you´re name is?"

I rolled my eyes, I was everyday in the library and the woman didn´t know my name?

"Jessica Baker."

I took the books and went to the door. And than all the books fell down.

A burst of laughter came up to me. My heart sank down into my jeans and I bit on my lips.

As fast as I could, I took the books and ran out of the library, hoping not see someone of those kids today again, knowing, that at home, there would be the lucky Kim.


	6. Everyday s the same

_**Thanks to **la-la-la-45** for reviewing. I hope you keep reading. **_

_**Here is the next chapter, it is a little longer and I am glad to say that the next chapter are around the same length.  
But the most important thing is, that I hope you like the story. **_

_**Everyday´s the same **__(Mark)_

There it was. The cure, the redemption, the sign to take a deep, calm breath. The bell.

School was over.

I didn´t really understand why I did this.

Today had been just another day I had done nothing else as sitting in the school. It sucks.

It was always the same. Going to school, learn something about the bill of rights or trigonometry and go home to find a family who wasn´t a family anymore.

I asked myself what happened and I found the answer soon. Charlie´s accident.

I shook my head to got out the bad thoughts and went over to my locker. _High School_.

I remembered what my Dad told me on my first day here.

_Your´re entering the life of the adults soon. High School is a big step forward. You´ll be grown up soon. _

Problem was: I didn´t want to grow up.

Rushing out off school I really thought for going home, but if I would do it, I knew, I would hate myself for it. Home wasn´t like it was once; now it was big castle, one with those big dungeons where you could feel the pain of the others, but you´re stuck in your own cell, not able to do anything. And everyday you try to get out of this until you don´t believe in a cure anymore.

So, I guess, not being at home, would be come nearer a cure as everything else.

And then, there was school. What do you think, I am going to tell you about school now?

I am no one who has good grates or good sports abilities or just good friends, hey, I am Mark Baker, remember?

I walked down Lorraine Boulevard but when I passed our house, I went on, walking down the streets.

I met Rick and Caleb at the end of the towns dirtbag side. Rick and Caleb were great guys. At school I was the jerk, the looser, the person who looked like he did nothing else as working for school, but outside, when I was with Rick and Caleb I was just Mark B., not a Baker, not a jerk, Mark B., understand that?

I´ve met them the first time I skipped school. It had been one of these days where I had been awoken with a bad stomach ache. Just to think for school, the teachers, the lessons, the other kids, made me sick. I had thought for telling my Mum about my stomach aches, hoping she would think I am sick, but I was too afraid that she would put on her mother´s instinct and recognize I was afraid of going to school.

That was why I went to school, but, I had been alone and I really did not want to go, so I did not go.

It was not right, tell me something new, but it had been a great day.

I walked around the town and I can tell you, I have never seen what was going on at this time of the day, before. Working people, rushing the one time, totally silence and no one in sigh the next.

I came to the "dirty" side of the town at a time that felt like eleven a.m or something like that.

It was then, when I saw those two guys, that were around my age, standing at the corner of Miles Street. If I am honest, I was afraid this day, because, either most of the places in this town are absolutely nice for children, as my neighbours mother would say, Miles Street is the place you would definitely not sent your children.

There they were: Two guys, one big and blond, the other small and dark haired.

I got a little bit nervous, normally this kind of persons mix me up in school, when the blond guy stepped into my way.

"Don´t you have school?", he asked.

I really don´t know what came to my mind, when I answered: "I don´t know, do you have?"

That was not an answer, Mark Baker would give.

Nothing was, how I was standing there, that wasn´t Mark Baker.

The guy smiled.

"What are you doing here?", he asked me.

"I felt boring, so I went through town", I explained.

"So were we."

This guys weren´t that cool like those guys that hang around, mess with the police and had gang fights. They were just two boys that hated school, like me.

I got to know them very fast, they were like me, except they´d skipped school for a long time already. Rick, the blond haired, was the leader of us, Caleb, the dark one, was a silent person.

We did not do bad things. Okay, some time we smoked a cancer stick or something, but we did not got into trouble. We just hung around on the streets, when the others were in school.

"Something to do today?", Rick asked me, when I reached them.

I shook my head no.

He sighed and sat down on the stairs of a house.

"You no what?", he asked me and Caleb. "I am tired of this. Everyday we hang around here. Or we go to school, some time, in Marks case. But...that´s making me so tired."

I nodded, that was exactly what I thought.

"Do you have any cancer sticks?", Rick asked then.

We shook our head. I do not smoke and Caleb doesn´t, either. Sometimes, we smoke some pot, but most times we just hang around.

"How´s your brother, Mark?", Rick asked suddenly.

My inner organs froze and in my throat appeared a lump that felt as big as New York City.

"Which one?", I asked. Damn, my voice was a mess.

"The one who got kicked by this car? How is he doing?" I know he felt sympathy, but it was like being stabbed for me.

I managed to whisper something like "still the same" and turned around.

"I did not want to upset you, Mark, I am sorry. I should not have asked."

"It´s okay."

That was good about school. They hated me, but they never spoke about _that_ with me.

I could not stand this silence that grew now, so I turned around again and watched them both.

"You are right, Rick. Everyday´s the same. We should change that."

_**Thanks for reading. Would be grate if you could leave a little review and tell me what you think about it. And I hope the story what happened to Charlie will be a little more lighted in the next chapter. **_


	7. Would you say the hell could burn down?

_**Thanks to **la-la-la-45 **for reviewing, I am happy that you liked the way Mark was introduced. **_

_**Thanks to **Jazz248 **for reviewing, too. I hope you keep reading. **_

_**To everyone: I hope you can follow the story, but if there are questions, I will answer them, as long as that would not mean to spoiler. **_

_**I´m sorry it took so long. The italic written part is a kind of dream or memory and the change of perspective is wanted. **_

**_Diclaimer: Cheaper by the dozen does no belong to me._**

**_Note: I am sorry for every language mistake I do, either I try my best to delete them. If you see something, tell me, I will correct them, please note, that English is not my native language. _**

**7. Chapter**

_**Would you say the hell could burn down? **(Jake)_

"_Hey Jake, catch it!"_

_He turned around to see Mike, throwing something. _

_Then there was this squeak of wheels, something pushed his chest and the next thing he knew was that he was lying at the roadside everything he could see was a big, red car._

_His heart was pumping faster then normal and his breathing was clipped._

_His brain could not work, he did not knew what just happened. _

_Screams surrounded him, a big chaos. He blinked a few times, but still the only thing he could see was this car. _

_Suddenly something grabbed his shoulder. _

"_Jake! Oh my God, Jake, you´re okay?" _

_Piece after piece his comprehension came back to him. He was on the street, his mother hugged him and there was the big, red car in front of him, the passengers door in front of his eyes. _

_His gaze went around and he saw a lot of people standing a few meters away, there, where the car´s front was. _

_And between all those people, laid his brother Charlie, unconsciousness, in a puddle of blood._

I sat up within milliseconds. I was heavy breathing at cold sweat ran down my forehead.

My heart was beating in my chest like it was going to explode.

Suddenly the door opened and a nurse entered the room.

"Good Morning, Jake, how are you doing?"

I hated this question. How should I am doing?

"You have a meeting with Dr. Miller in an hour, so you should get up and go into the bathroom now." Her voice was too friendly.

My hands did not stop to shake. I hated these meetings, hours and hours were I sat in this small room and had to speak about my feelings. I wished he had no feelings.

I took a deep breath and swung my legs out of the bed, either I wanted much more to stay in the bed. Yeah, today was just another great day.

Every morning I tried to look as less often as necessary into the mirror. I hated to see myself.

I tried to watch the sink instead of the mirror.

"How are you feeling today, Jake?" This Dr. Miller – Guy, I do not like him.

I watched my feet instead of him.

I shrugged. "The same."

"You never told me something, so I can not know how to define "the same"", he said.

You know what I think? I think he feels like shit today. He looks like shit today.

"You look like shit today", I told him.

He did not grin. There is this other doctor, Dr. Benson, he isn´t my doctor, but he is there for the guys in here on the weekend, like he is saying, who always grins if I say something like that. But I think it is a fake grin.

"You, too."

I felt like shit today, I am feeling like shit everyday. My fingers were interesting, I kneaded them.

You know what´s the worst thing was? That I was stuck in this building. It made me crazy.

I laughed. You´re already crazy, Jake, I thought, that´s why you´re here, this is a psychiatry.

"What is so funny?"

I grinned. "I am crazy", I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that?" My laugh froze. That they always had to asked such stupid questions.

"I am in a psychiatry, don´t I ?"

"And why you´re here?"

I watched the window, you know, outside it was April or something like that.

"I wanted to kill myself, but I was too stupid to do it right, twice. That´s enough for being stuck in a psychiatry, I think."

"And why did you want to kill yourself?"

"No pictures to draw today?"

"Do not change the subject, Jake."

Silence. I did not think for an answer.

After a while, it had been enough silence for him.

"Why did you want to kill yourself?"

"Don´t you already know?"

"Answer my question."

This bird frightened us both, it just flew against the window. Bang. Dr. Miller´s head turned around, but none of us said a word.

I think this bird has been black, always black birds outside there, or white one. Or some that are both, black and white.

This bird, he collided with this window like Charlie did with the car.

"Jake?"

But the car had been red, you know? You could not see through it like through the window.

"Jake."

"What?"

"Why did you want to kill yourself?"

That it was. The question of all question, wasn´t it?

"I should be dead." I did not mean to say it load. That wasn´t supposed to happen, but what happened was, that I almost screamed it out.

"Why do you think that?"

He really should stop asking, or I would hit him. So I did not answer. Should he grow old and grey on his armchair there, I would not answer any more questions.

"I was supposed to be. The car should have hit me. What Charlie did, it was wrong."

All the time, I shut my mouth and then this fucking bird flies against the window and I tell him that?

"So you want to kill yourself because you think it is wrong that you´re alive?"

Hell no, I wasn´t that noble. I just wanted to be free of this pain. And it was all this bad, that, who wants to live like that?

"God, yes."

He wrote a notice.

"You think it is bad, that you are alive?"

"Yeah." True.

"Don´t you think, it could be much worse?"

I snorted. "Would you say the hell could burn down?"

Dr. Miller wrote something down once more.

_**Poor Jake...I am devil. **_

_**I hope you liked it, please review. **_


	8. Little Girl s Dream

_**Thanks to **la-la-la-45** for reviewing, your words mean a lot to me. **_

_**So guys, here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy!**_

**Chapter**

**_Little Girl´s dream _**_Lorraine_

"What do you think?"

It was unbelievable, but it was true, I was standing in this bride shop in a white dress, in the front of the mirror. I was going to marry.

Sarah and Nora stood a few meters away. Nora was smiling. "It´s great, but, I think we should try a few other dresses, before we buy it. It is an important decision."

Sarah´s mood was, I can tell that, in the cellar.

Oh, it wasn´t the shopping. She liked shopping now, she became, god she became a normal girl at least, but I think she had problems with her boyfriend Elliot.

I turned around to the saler. "What other dresses do you have?"

Nora was right. Three dresses later I found it, the perfect dress. Of cause it was white. I turned around once more and laughed like a little girl.

Nora smiled, but Sarah raised an eyebrow. "You okay?" Sometimes she was the old, well known Sarah again.

It was expensive, okay, it was really expensive, but fact was, it weren´t my parents that paid it. Normally they would, but it cost enough to celebrate a wedding so the dress was paid by Wills parents, they wanted it, his parents.

"You know what?", Nora asked.

I turned to see her face. Something in her voice was suspicious.

"It is not really serious to buy a dress while Mom and Dad still don´t know the fiancé, don´t you think so?"

I sighed. "I already explained it Nora."

"Did you?"

"I was..." I went into the cabin. "I was afraid."

In my head, I could see the gazes that my sisters exchanged now. "After...after everything that happened, I was not sure if Mom and Dad could take it, could integrate him in the family, but then he asked me and... it´s just perfect."

That damned zip clamped. "Perfect?", Nora´s voice said.

"Yes, perfect." That sounded much too aggressive, because of this zip. It did not go.

"You know him Nora, he is a great guy."

"I just met him for something that seemed like...five minutes?"

I could not open the dress. For a short moment I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, because I wanted to calm down, then my face appeared behind the curtain.

"I could need some help. The zip does not work."

Sarah rolled her eyes, but she helped, while Nora and me still had this conversation.

"I just wonder if you really know what you are doing, Lorraine." Nora´s eyes were puppy like.

"Listen. I – know – what – I – am – doing. And tonight Will and me are at home to meet Mum and Dad, okay?"

She did now answer. There was a silent moment, until Sarah broke it.

"Eh, guys? I think I have ruined this dress." In her hand was a ripped part of the zip.

-------

My feet, no my whole legs were shaking. I stood with Will in front of the door and waited for someone to open the door to my parents house.

After a while, which seemed like forever, Mike opened.

"Hello." He did not smile.

"Hi Mike", I said when I walked into the house. "How are you?"

"Okay?"

"Well, yes. That´s Will, Mike. Will, that´s my little brother Mike."

"Hi", Will said. Mike just stared. That could be a brilliant evening.

I was lucky, because Mum must have made him wear some white shift and not Jakes old clothes, like he normally did, nowadays.

With shaking hands I watched Mum and Dad come to us and say hello to Will, but, for my confusion, they were normal and friendly. Like they would welcome Will in the family.

It takes a long time for everybody being at the table.

Mark was late from school, so we had to wait but, the sad thing is, no one asked why he was late, Mum and Dad weren´t angry, no one was, but nevertheless, Mark sat the whole dinner at the table and starred on his plate, picking with his fork without eating.

"So Will, what are you doing for work?", my Dad asked.

"I am a lawyer."

There is a cough at the table, I suspect Mike, but the conversation goes on.

"How did you get to know each other?"

I had to smile, the big silence will be gone soon.

"It was, let me think, about six month ago, right darling?"

"Six month ago?"

"Yes and I was on this commercial event, for work and, it´s a sweet little story, he spilled some coffee on my skirt and so we met each other."

Mum smiled a real smile and that was what made me happy, but then she exchanged a gaze with Dad.

"Lorraine, Darling, would you help me in the kitchen, please?"

I followed her out into the kitchen, where she suddenly turned around and her smile was gone.

"Lorraine, Darling, do you think that´s good?"

"I do not understand. What do you mean?"

"Marry him, after six month. You barely know him."

"What?" I couldn´t believe it. "I know Will very well."

"You are twenty, Lorraine. Twenty. To marry is nothing you should go through because you are in the mood for it."

That wasn´t true. I mean, I knew it would be complicated, but this?

"I love him, Mum, I really love him! You don´t know him, he is a wonderful person. We are happy. Don´t you want me to be happy?"

"Of cause I want it. But I think you´re too young."

"You were only a year older then me, when you married Dad."

"That was something else, another time..."

"No", I said. "It wasn´t. It was the same. I love him Mum, I..."

Exact in this moment the phone rang.

After a while, it stopped, maybe someone had answer it, but now, Kim was entering the kitchen.

"Look, why we don´t talk about it another time?", Mum said.

"What´s it to talk about?", I wondered. I really wondered. I loved Will, what was wrong with it?

A huge silence filled the room, before Kate spoke again.

"I just want to talk, okay? We will meet on Thursday next week."

"I...." But she went.

Nothing was said for a while, but then I remembered Kim being in the kitchen and looked at her.

She smiled.

"You know what? I think you´re lucky", she spoke. "I mean – to marry – which little girl hasn´t dreamt about that?"

**Please review.**


	9. Walk of Fame

_**Many thanks to **la-la-la-45, strawberrysunset194 **and **Islanda **for reviewing. I am happy that you liked it. Keep reading!**_

_**Disclaimer: Cheaper by the dozen is not mine. **_

_**Author´s note: English is not my native language and I am sorry for every mistake I made.**_

**Chapter**

_**Walk of Fame **(Kim)_

In school you have only two possibilities: Being cool or not.

I stood in the hallway with Cindy and Monica. Cindy Jordan was a blond beauty, I mean the boys all fell in love with her when they see her for the first time. Cindy´s parents were rich and Cindy got everything she wanted. I was not jealous, I mean, it was good, because we were allowed to hang around at her home all the time and got enough food or money for the cinema or the disco, either we were to young for the least.

Now, she was watching the kids in school disinterested while chewing a gum.

"You can´t believe what happened to me today", Monica Olsen said. Monica was one of the so called "Olsen-Girls". Her father ran away a month after the youngest sister was born and her mother was never at home. Henry wanted to make me mad and called all of them sluts, with Mrs. Pumpkin being the mother-slut. He had no idea, but Monica never lost a word about anyone in her family so I shut up every day.

"What happened?", I asked.

"Pete Sutherland asked me if I want to go to the dance evening with him."

We all burst into laugh. Pete was one of the absolute freaks in school, I mean there always a lot of freaks, but there are the ones who only were a little bit bizarre and than the ones who were real freaks and Pete was one of this kind.

With a moan, I watched Jessica talking to this freak Steve Sullivan, her best friend. It wasn´t a good feeling seeing her like this, but for thanks, Jessica had me as her twin sister and so, she was not counted as a freak. Monica and Cindy watched them, too.

If I am honest, I did not mind. I did not mind if she was talking to a freak, I did not mind if a freak was talking to me, but if you want to be one of the cool ones, you have to fit in.

"Wanna go out tonight?"

"Huh?" I raised my head because I did not listen to Monica.

"Yeah, would be good", Cindy said, finally getting her gaze off Steve and turn her head to Monica and me.

"I don´t know", I told them. It is difficult to have no bad conscience if you are not at home so often,

especially nowadays, but if you knew how it was at home nowadays, you would understand.

Biting my lip, I focused on Cindy´s lipstick, which she had just gotten out of her back and with which she painted her lips in a dark red.

"You know what Alice did yesterday?", Cindy changed the theme. I shook my head and Monica just watched her.

"She kissed Timmy Tim."

Monica´s jaw dropped to the ground. "Timmy Tim?"

"Yeah, say what you want, but this girls gotten crazy. She has got an image which could be destroyed when she kisses someone like Timmy Tim...WE´ve got an image that could be destroyed.

What did she think?"

"Absolutely unacceptable", I answered.

Do not say a word. I know it was bad to say that. Alice was another friend of ours and we should have stand up right behind her whatever she did but, like Cindy had already said it: We had an image, that could be destroyed. We were definitely the coolest clique on this school and we had to keep our level or we would come down. And believe me, if you were me, you would not want this, either.

There was nothing bad about Timmy Tim; Timmy Tim of cause was a nick name, his original name was Tim Gardener; but he did not play in our league. And someone who does play in your league, was not allowed to kiss you.

I bit my lip when I saw Bryan watch me, Bryan the next generation football star. I smiled at him and closed my eyes for the half. Timmy Tim and Alice "mistake" were out of my mind.

Later that day I was at home doing homework.

Jessica had moved into Charlie´s room when he – when he left to the lake – now knowing that he would need it back when – if – he was waking, so I had my own room now.

It was good when my friends were coming to visit, because they did not want Jessica around when they were here. Don´t blame me for that, it´s like world is working.

I could not concentrate, to many things were spinning around my mind. Monica and Cindy talk bad about Alice, Bryan watching me, Jessica hanging around with the uncool kids. It were small, more or less nice stories of school days, which made the real problems go miles away.

When I turned my head to the half open door, I saw Jessica pass by. I smiled at her when she caught my gaze and she smiled back and went on and I noticed something was absolutely not right here. Nothing was right.


	10. Make some noise

_**Many thanks to **Islanda** and **strawberry-sunset194 **for reviewing. I am happy you liked it. **_

_Disclaimer: **I don´t own Cheaper by the dozen. But the ideas of the story, they´re mine.**_

_Note: **English is still not my native language, but I am doing my best to make no mistakes.**_

**Chapter**

_**Make some noise **(Mike)_

"Shut up Mike!"

It was always the same, when I wanted to talk to Sarah nowadays. She would treat me like a little child and make me go away.

In a big family you can soon be unheard. I mean when absolutely no one is listen to you, you are just some pain in the neck to them, them, whom they call your family outside but inside everyone already knew, that the days where you all used to be a big, happy family were over.

But I did not want to shut up, not again.

"Do it yourself!", I screamed back at Sarah, the Sarah who once was my favourite sister.

She starred back at me for a moment, then without a flinch, she put out her lipstick and coloured her lips, again.

I was done with it, with everything. Since this one day, the Baker clan wasn´t the same anymore and against all my previous tries, I would not go and try to fix it.

I really tried to work against it, but not this time.

I kicked Jakes skateboard.

"Leave it alone, it is not yours", Sarah said.

It was always the same.

You know that game? Simon says...Simon says: Tidy up your room. Simon says: Wash the car.

But it was not Simon, who said. If I really thought of it, it were not my Mum and Dad, either.

It was mostly Sarah, but not because she cared, just because she was tired of the stuff who was lying around and tired of me.

Perhaps I was just ten years old, but I was not stupid.

"And it is not your shirt you wear", I told her.

"Lorraine does not mind, it is to small for her."

"Jake does not mind, neither."

That was the wrong sentence, because there is one rule in this house: Never mention Charlie or Jake.

One moment I could see Sarah´s lips shake, but then she laughed.  
"Of cause he does, when he is fine, he will want to have it back in the same state it was, when he left."

I was not brave enough to tell her what I really thought. That Jake would not come back, he was gone in some way, followed Charlie on his way down, and soon someone else of this family would follow, too, either I prayed it would not happen and either I knew it already was in progress.

Something in Sarah´s eyes made me feel sad, but I can not tell you what it was. Perhaps she looked sad, too, or like she would not care, but I could not tell what it was. I am not the most intelligent in this family.

Sarah went away and I thought for anything to do.

When you are on your own, you have to be creative.

I did not want to be alone, never, and no one ever asked me if I was okay with how the things were.

I had to shut up.

The way to my room seemed endless.

When I finally reached it, I turned on some music and got on my bed. You know that jumping on it is real fun?

While the music was playing loudly I felt angry, because normally it is Jake who turns on his music as loud as this. I took a shoe that was lying next to my bed and threw it against the wall. Then the other shoe. And a book. I ended up with throwing my lamp, which hit the wall first and and crashed on my desk with a comfortable noise.


	11. Running

_**Many thanks for reviewing to **strawberry-sunset194, la-la-la-45 **and **Islanda. **I am happy you enjoyed the last chapter. **_

_**Disclaimer: No, Cheaper by the dozen isn´t mine. **_

_**Author´s Note: You know it already, but I say it again: English is not my native language, but I try my very best to make as less mistakes as possible. **_

**Chapter**

**_Running _**_(Nigel)_

My Dad always said that running is something that makes you free, only flying can be better.

I am just eight years old, but when I am at the training, I understand what he means.

My trainer is Mr. Gerald, who is a tall man coming from Ghana and who always tells me I have potential. I have asked Jessica what that means and I can tell you it is something good. It means I can be a good runner one day.

Kyle isn´t in running, it is my favourite thing, just mine and no one´s else.

About time, I became a good runner. I can beat Mike if I want, but just because Mike is always on his skates, what means, running is something he isn´t good at.

I can escape everything when I run. Not even the other runners, but other things to. When you run, your mind is free. That´s great.

It was Thursday and I had no training after school, but I was training by myself in front of our house, when I saw Mike coming up to me. Whatever he wanted, I was not interested.

"What are you doing?", he asked me.

"Running." He knew that, why did he asked.

"Mum is crying." There are a few things, you really won´t know. Where babies come from, for example, or that your mother is crying.

"Again", Mike added like he had read my thoughts.

"I have to do my training", I told him.

Running is good when you want to forget things for a moment.

This day I ran about two hours. Sometimes I stopped but I trained hard, until Jessica told me that dinner was ready.

There were just six of us sitting at the table. Henry, Sarah, Jessica, Mike, Kyle and me. Mum was in her room, crying, Dad was out for work, he was working a lot the last days, Mark was who knows where and Kim was with her friends. There we were, all the Bakers who were left. I prayed for Nora or Lorraine to call so Mum had to got out of the room, but I knew it would not happen.

"I am not hungry." Kyles voice made me come out of my thoughts.

Every eye at the table watched him and I, who sat next to him felt really uncomfortable because of there gazes.

"Great", Jessica replied. "You do not have to eat." There was something in her voice that made me froze. She jumped up and walked out of the kitchen, upstairs into her room. No sound was heard until the door slumped.

"Perhaps next time you could think, before you say those things? She worked really hard to make this dinner", Sarah said angry to my twin.

Kyles eyes went to the table.

Henry sighed. "It´s okay. You do not have to eat if you are not hungry", he said with a calm voice.

"Clean up the table, Sarah. Please." With those words he raised up.

"I am going to talk to Jessica." he went upstairs, sure to talk to Jessica, and Sarah sighed.

"Well done", she told Kyle before she stood up and started to clean up.

When I walk over to Jessica´s room a few minutes later I could hear Henry calm her down.

I watched them for a moment. Without Henry, I recognized, no one could ever talk about us as a family, I recognized. He was a great brother.

It was time to run for a while.


	12. The Sympathy of the Jerks

_**Many thanks to **Islanda **for reviewing.**_

_**Many thanks to **strawberyy-sunset194, **too. But about what pill were you talking? You´re question really confused me and I think there is some misunderstanding, could you please explain what you mean? **_

_**Keep on reading, you two and all the others, too, of course.**_

**Disclaimer: **_**Cheaper by the dozen does not belong to me. **_

**Note: **_**Please remember that English is not my native English. If you realize any mistakes, tell me, I will work it out.**_

**Chapter**

_**The sympathy of the jerks **(Sarah)_

The school bell rang while I walked over to my history class. History was, in my eyes, the most horrible thing in school. Whatever Jessica or Henry, who, for my confusion, was really good at history, said, I could not remember the easiest thing in history. _(A.N.: I like history)_

Why I had chosen it had just one reason: Alternative I could have done politics or philosophy and, I am much worse in that.

But the most horrible thing was, that my friends were not with me. So I had no one to have fun with in class.

I placed myself next to Joe Jefferson. He was, how I can explain, not really my friend type. To be honest I hated him. It was not, that I was some of this Highschool girls who were just interested in clothes and cool boys, I mean, I am still Sarah Baker, but I by myself had my principles. Joe Jefferson never said a word and, with his dark hairs and the clothes he wore, haven´t I just said I was not one of this girls who were interested in clothes?, looked like had jumped out of the play "Our Town". But the worst thing was, that he never said a word, because he was to shy and he always watched his shoes, when I sat next to him.

And then on my other side, sat Bobby Urban, who looked really good with his dark hair and his brown skin, but he always acted like a five-year old and that was getting on my nerves. Today he was gumming a bubble gum and gave me a amused smile.

"You look happy", he said.

"Oh, great, sarcasm is all what I needed to make my day perfect", I answered.

To say it out loud: Today had been a really bad day. Not even that I had been in a mood since dinner last night, but also that my locker wasn´t opening so well and that I had orange juice on my jeans because some stupid boy decided to stumble just in front of me.

Bobby grinned much more and then he turned his head to watch the blackboard.

But he continued getting on my nerves. "I´m walking on sunshine", he sang. I turned my head. "Shut up, Bobby Urban", I old him.

"But I am happy."

Thanks god, just in this moment, out teacher Mr. Times, told Bobby to walk into the front of the class.

"Don´t listen to him", a voice next to me whispered. It scared me out of hell, because Joe Jefferson never spoke. "He is a jerk."

"You´re bringing it to the point."

For a moment I thought that he was smiling, but it went as far as it had come and I ended up not being sure if he ever smiled.

I could not remember how it really started when I walked out of the room an hour later, but I had had a nice chat with Joe Jefferson. He told me that he played baseball in the school team and from what I know, they were really good. No explanation why he was so uncool for everyone, but on the other hand, Jake had been in the baseball team, too.

I walked over to PE someone called my name.

I turned around and saw Bobby Urban running over to me.

"Hey", he said. "You´ve got PE now, don´t ya´?"

It took a moment to answer with a simple yes. I was too confused about the situation.

"We can go there together."

My mind did not work. "Why?"

"Because we both have to walk the same way."

That was true but in this moment I just thought that Joe Jefferson had been right. Bobby was a jerk.

"So, you´re best friend with Mary Gold?", he asked.

That was wrong. I used to be best friend with her, but then everything changed and I suddenly was best friend with Jenny Palmer and Mary was just one of a lot people I liked and that liked me.

"Jenny´s my best friend. You are not leaving in the past, are you?", I answered, because I was not so sure about, I mean, he was Bobby Urban.

"You ask me that after you talked to Joe Jefferson?"

I turned around to look him in his eyes. "What´s wrong with Joe?"

"Have you ever looked at him?"

"Yeah. And he looks a lot nicer then you do", I answered. "And he behaves a lot nicer, too."

Remember, an hour ago, I said, that I hated Joe. But he was much better then this Bobby person.

"Come on. You hate him, but truly you´re in love with me", Bobby smiled.

My jar dropped to the floor. My first wish was to hit Bobby Urban right in his face. But then I recognized that could be understand as a yes.

"If you think so", I answered as I continued walking.

"Don´t you want to talk about?", he asked me while he followed me.

I laughed. "Why should I. If you think so, you think so. I don´t think I could change your mind, because you have a hard one."

We stood in front of the gym now and I turned around again and watched his face.

"I know you called me a jerk", he explained.

I frowned. "Joe called you that and I have no idea how your ears work so that you heard that."

He grinned again his stupid grin.

"I am batman", he said.

"Okay, batman", I told him. "Take attention because Joker´s on his way." With those words I left him and went to the girls cabin.

I decided to phone Elliott tonight.


	13. Hopefully not everyday?

_**Hello everyone! So I thought, I would not be able to update for a longer time, because I already have a few new chapters but I never update a chapter before I did not write another new one and I thought I would not be able to write a new one, but I did and so, right here, not long after the last one, is the next chapter. I am proud that it is a longer chapter. **_

_**la-la-la-45: Yeah, Bobby is a jerk, but he will appear in later chapters, too. And many thanks for your review!**_

_**Islanda: Many thanks for your review. Why no one likes Bobby here? Is he really that bad? But, yeah, I know, I wanted him to be a jerk. That is the name of the chapter. **_

_**hmm..: Thanks for the review. Charlie´s crash, the big mystery, I think you have to wait really patient for a while. In the next chapter it is said in a way, but for details you have to wait. **_

_**strawberry-sunset194: Many thanks for your review, it made me happy. Yes, Sarah and Elliott are still together....**_

_**Ffff: Thanks for reviewing. But I am afraid there will be many more chapters before you know how everything ends...**_

_**Note: English is not my native language and I´ve got no beta. That´s why there could appear some mistakes. If you notice, tell me, I will change it. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Cheaper by the Dozen. **_

**Hopefully not everyday? **_(Nora)_

"It´s just for today, honey. I promise."

My mums voice echoed in my head when I saw her car disappear at the end of the street.

With a sigh and little Tom in my arms I turned around to see the old Baker mess in front of my eyes.

My mum made me to look after my little siblings because she had work to do, same was Dad and with Lorraine being focused on her wedding, Henry at his clarinet practise and Sarah who knows where, I was the only one to watch the other children of the Baker clan.

"Nora!" The exited yells of the youngest twins caught up with me and seconds later they both stood in front of me.

"Hey, guys!", I told them with a smile.

"What´s for dinner?", they asked.

God, had Mum not even made a meal before she left? I sighed again and started to go up to the house when I spoke again:

"I don´t know, let´s get a pizza from Luigi´s, what do you think?"

"Yeah!" They made a high five and ran up to the house, sure to tell Mike the great news of having pizza tonight. I know pizza was not the healthiest nutrition, but I was really not in the mood to create a meal out of the leftovers of the last days, because I knew, without looking in the refrigerator, that it was empty except for a few bottles of juice and old meat and that the only thing my siblings would get tomorrow morning would be cornflakes with orange juice.

When I am telling this, it sounds like my parents would be like this parents you have if you´re taken in foster care, what is absolutely not true, but the sad thing is, that since the accident, my parents really did not care enough for anyone.

That was not true. The first months after the accident they had been great, but now, they were a mess. They had been a mess before, but the first months they had really tried to go on. But it was all damaged now, just look at Jake if you don´t believe me.

"Nora, hey, it´s good to see you!" With an amazing smile, Jessica hugged me like I was the only rock in the ocean. Actually, sometimes I think, I was.

The afternoon grew into evening faster then I could imagine, which was great.

I played with Nigel and Kyle, the only normal persons left, if you are honest, and after a while Mike joined us. Like I thought, there was nothing "cookable" in the refrigerator and so I decided to get pizza later. Minutes after my decision, the trouble began.

It all started with Mark, who wanted to leave.

"Where you´re going?", I asked him.

He shrugged. "Away."

"Mark, come on. I call the pizza service. What do you want?"

I could hear how he clenched his teeth. "Nothing."

The silence between us grew and with it the distance.

"You have to eat."

"I can eat outside."

"No!"

It was not supposed to sound like that. Loud, angry, like a bad mother would shout. He watched me serious, and instead of shrunk to a little dog, like he did all those years before he just grinned badly.

"Bye Nora." And he walked out of the door, leaving me behind without knowing what to say. I mean, this was Mark! He normally was the loveliest of them.

"He´s like that all the time", Nigel´s voice came out of the lining room.

"Yeah", Kyle said. "He is barely at home. No idea what he is doing the whole time."

I took a deep breath and tried to smile at them. "It´s okay, there are enough persons in this house left to have a great dinner." Mike watched me not believing.

When I walked upstairs to ask the left children of the Baker family about their pizza wishes, I could hear the shouts of two teenage girls.

"I don´t care about!", that was Kim.

"Your a bitch!" I frowned when I recognized Jessica´s voice. It was not her way to talk bad.

"Yeah, and what are you? Your are a looser Jessica and that´s what you can´t handle."

It was not difficult to make out were the voices came from, it was the first bathroom. Kim stood there with a lot of make-up on her face, while Jessica did not need any rouge, because her head was red enough because of anger.

I tried to stay calm, even when it was hard to watch the two girls who used to be best friends now had their eyes full of hate and anger.

"What´s going on here, hmm?", I asked while I hoped that my son would not wake up by the noise, while I left him in the living room with Nigel and Kyle.

"Nothing", Jessica mumbled. Her head fell down and I could swear that she bit her lips.

But Kim was not about to stop fighting. "She is talking bad at me because she is jealous. She said it would not be good for me to be popular. Can you imagine that, Nora?"

I held my breath for a second before I started to speak.

"So, how did this fight started?"

"I just wanted to use the bathroom, but _drama queen_ decided to need hours to do her make-up", Jessica said.

"What about using the other bathroom, nerd?", Kim answered. My heart wrenched. How could it happen that they talked like that with each other?

"Sarah´s in there."

"Sarah´s home?", I asked confused. I had thought that Sarah was everywhere but home.

"But you don´t scream at her because she taking so long, do you?", Kim said.

"Girls", I managed to say. "Stop, okay? Jessica you´re going in your room now. I talk to Sarah to come out of the bathroom, so you can use it and Kim...you´re finish in five minutes and call the pizza service."

Without looking at them another second, I walked up to the other bathroom and knocked softly.

"Sarah?", I asked.

She opened the door and if it would not have been a well known picture those days, I would have gasped. She looked like she had cried.

"You okay?", I asked, recognizing the phone in her hands.

"Yeah", she said. "Everything´s okay."

So dinner was rare, because finally it ended up with Mike, Nigel, Kyle and me, because Kim was not hungry, Jessica had lochked herself

in her room and Sarah did not even respond when I asked her what pizza she would like.

Nigel and Kyle were talking about their day in school. It was good to listen, everybody should, because it had been a normal day without tears or arguments or things like that. But I just listened with one ear, I was to tired to concentrate. One day at the Baker house and you are finished, you won´t come back. I know it´s hard to say, because they are my family, but it´s driving me crazy and at the end of my nerves.

**This is the end of Part I, but I plan to write three other parts and I will not start another story for them, that would be stupid. I just wanted to make those parts for fun:) and as a little aid for me. **

_**Please review. **_

_**I don´t know when I´ll be able to update, I am afraid that it could take a little time, three weeks or so. **_


	14. Low, slow moaning man and Jeanie

_**Sorry it took so long but I had to rewrite the chapter (sadly the first version was much better in my eyes), because I am not able to **__**work on my own computer. **_

**_And then, many thanks to _**_strawberry-sunset194 **for your review. I am happy, you enjoyed the chapter. Hmm, Baby Tom is about..huh, **_

_**two years or a little younger because this story is set two years after the second movie.**_

**_Many thanks to _**_Islanda**, too. I am happy you liked the chapter and that you do not seem to much upset because of the long pause. And you´re right, the Bakers are a real mess.**_

**_Then, many thanks to _**_Wolfsmother** for reviewing. Yeah, if Charlie is going to wake up is one of the big questions, isn´t it? I dont tell the answer.**_

**_Thanks to _**_Allyson **for all your reviews. I am really sorry you had to wait so long but I will try to update an other chapter this weekend? And Sarah was crying, hmm...I don´t tell you. :P**_

**_Many thanks to _**_MAEshun **for all the reviews. 1st: Owen is(was) Henry´s best friend. "There was no day I wasn´t reminded on Owen,**__**was no day I wasn´t reminded on the day he died, during a drinking game with Duncan"(quote from Chapter 4). I think this is **_**_everything I _****_tell _****_you so far. 2nd: What happened to whoms mum? I am confused, so long ago I wrote chapter 6. 3rd:Ah, great you understand Jake. That means it worked the way I wrote. 4th: Yeah, Elliott is Sarah´s boyfriend. _**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Cheaper by the dozen. _**

**_And : Not native language. _**

**Part II**

**_I´m ripe with things to say _**

**_The words rot and fall away_**

**_What stupid poem could fix this home_**

**_I read it everyday_**

**_(Blink 182 - Stay together for the kids)_**

_**Low Slow Moaning Man And Jeanie**__ Tom _

The sun set down when Tom Baker was on his way to the appartment in the 6th etage.

He was humming a song, he did not really recognize himself.

Work was done and he was lucky he had enough time to visit Jeanie.

His time with Jeanie was important for him, because it was so different then at home.

The first time he met Jeanie was in the café she worked in, during Tom´s lunch time, when he wanted to eat a muffin.

_The newspaper told nothing good, but everything was better then thinking for what he had seen the day before: His own son, laying bleeding on the bathroom floor, trying to kill himself. _

_Tom´s hands shook when he thought for it. _

_"You want some more coffee, Mister?" _

_It was one of the most beautiful voices he ever heared and when he looked up, he saw, that it _

_belonged to one of the most beautiful women in the world. Long, blond hair, bright green eyes and a wonderful smile. _

_"Yeah, thanks", he managed to say. _

_"Are you okay?", she wanted to know. "You look sad."_

_He wanted to tell her, that he was alright, but something in her eyes kept him from lying. _

_"It´s just that I am a little bit stressed." Okay, it was not the whole truth, but it was no lie. _

_She smiled down t him and suddenly she sat down. He shifted uncomfortable. _

_"I´ve got a rough time, too. Sometimes it´s good, to talk about."_

_And for some reason, he started to explain this complete stranger what had happend rescently in _

_his live, as if she would be a psychiatrist. Buit she wasn´t. It took not much longer until he recognized, that she was much better then one. _

A lot of people may say, that it was just a sexual relation ship, and that it was an _unbelievable impertinent _that a man in his late fifties who was married and had twelve children had sex with a young woman who was as old as his oldest daughter.

But it wasn´t like that. Jeanie was much more then just an affair. She listened to him when no one else did and, what was the most important for him, let him forget about the things that appened in his live.

When Jeanie opened the door, Tom could not do something else then gasp. She wore a beauiful black dress in which she appeared like a princess or something, only thing was that in Toms mind, princesses did wear white.

„Hey", she smiled and he could not do other then smile back. She made him feel good and whatever happened the last days, he forgot about it.

They had a round sex after drinking some champanger, then they lied still in bed, eating some fruits. It made him feel younger to hang around with Jeanie, he recognized. Not like he was an almost sixty years old father of twelve kids.

Some reason why he did nobody tell was, beside he knew having an affair was wrong because he still loved Kate, he loved her and he did not want to hurt her, some reason was, that it was good to have a secret, something jsut for him and him alone, because since 27 years he had not nothing just for him alone.

People could think that Jeanie might be a not really intellingent young girl, thinking having an affair with an older man would be cool, but it wasn´t like that. Jeanie was the only person whom he could tell what was going on in his mind.

„_Tell me about your kids."_

„_What?"_

„_Tell me about your kids. You never tell. But I know it´s eating you up from your inside. Tell me what happened to Charlie."_

_Charlie. The forbitten theme. _

„_What happened to him, Tom? Don´t you think it could help to tell someone."_

„_My family knows." His behaviour was similiar to the behaviour of a little boy. _

„_Come on, it´s...you know you can tell me everything, yeah Tom? I don´t want you to do somehting you won´t, but I think it makes you feel better to share your thaughts with someone."_

_They fell silence before, suddenly and for the first time in months, Tom started to talk about what was going on in his live. _

„You okay Tom?", Jeanie asked. „How are your kids?"

„Not today, Jeanie, not today."

She placed a gently kiss on his cheek and rushed through his hair.

„Okay." She knew it was not his favorite theme anymore.

„_We were in the garden. Everyone, and then...I do not really know what happened, but Jake was on the street. He wanted to catch this damn ball and he did not saw the car coming. _

_I never understand what he was thinking, but, I think he wasn´t thinking anything. _

_And then the car came. No ones allowed to drive this fast on a street like our but this guy did. He drove faster then you should drive in any city, I still don´t know why. I screamed at Jake to get off the street but I knew it was to late. I don´t know exactly what happend but Charlie must have him pushed out of the way. Jake was saved but Charlie...you know how he is know. The doctors don´t think he will wake up."_

_Tom could not hold the damn tears back. What kind of a man was he?_

_Jeanie kissed kim gently and whispered some words he did not understand but which lulled him into sleep. _

Sun set down when he left Jeanie. He remebered that sun ste down when he left Jake the last time. He could not imagine how Jake had to feel, but he knew what Jake did to stop the feelings.

This time it was not then the other times when he was with Jeanie. This time was harder then the days without her, not a flowing wind brush thriugh your hair or a warm sunray on your skin. But it did not gave him any discomfort. It confused him, recognizing how much Jeanie meant for him. It made him scared.


	15. Life s Feather

_**Hello everybody! I am back and I am fine and at home for a while so I hope I can write a few things. **_

_**So many thanks to **Allyson** for your reviews, we will see when your questions will be answered.**_

_**Thank you, **Islanda** for your review, yeah, Tom having an affair is hard, I know and thanks for your wishes, I am doing well.**_

_**And many thanks to **strawberry-sunset194. **I am happy that you get why Tom is having that affair because I was afraid that he could look like a complete ass, but what I wanted was, that you understand why he is having that affair. **_

_**And I am so sorry that this chapter is soo short and for every mistake in it, too.**_

Life´s feather _Kate_

"I am sorry to tell you, that this is not what we´re looking for, Kate."

I´d already known, of course, but hearing it coming out of the mouth of my publisher was something else: it was hard.

"I know, I...", I started but she interrupted me.

"Kate, look, I know you have a lot of other thoughts at the moment..."

"No."

My publisher frowned.  
"No, that is not a good excuse for my horrible work. See, I will made it okay, I need some time and a really good story will lay on this table and there will no critic be necessary." Perhaps a few too big words, Kate, I thought.

"Okay, if you say so. We will see..." She did not believe me, but you could blame her? I wasn´t believing my words myself.

Outside, it was raining. And when I say raining, I mean cats, dogs, I mean cows falling down on earth making me wet to the skin within seconds.

I was happy when I found a entering of a huge house where I could wait until the rain stopped.

There was a man, too. He was old and he could have needed a haircut.

"Horrible weather, huh?", he asked me.

The last thing I wanted was this man speaking to me but we were the only two people in the radius of what looked like ten miles so he was definitely speaking to me.

"Yeah", I said.

"So you´re on your way home?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Me too." If I was honest, he did not look like that, but I did not respond.

There was a minute of silence I it was difficult to tell what was more uncomfortable, speaking with this man or standing next to him in silence.

And suddenly, I started to run, I ran as fast as I could leaving the ma behind, but he was still in my head. His skinny face would not get out of my mind.

When reached home I was more wet then I thought that it could be possible.

The children were still at school and Tom was still with his football team and my mind was working.

The pen flew over the paper creating a story of a man who had lost everything, his wife and kids, his job, his self-confidence. A man with too long hair standing in the rain, having nothing. No own life, creating it out of the stories people told him. A collector of stories. Like me.

I shook my head. I had my own story, my own life. I did not needed anyone else life.

But I knew that the stories that came out of my life were not able to survive. My own life was going down. My family.

Finally my head laid on my arms and for the first time in twenty-seven years I wished I could be someone else, and not Kate Baker. But life´s feather had other plans.


	16. House arrest

**_Hello everybody, be happy! Sun is shining and I was able to get the documents I thought I would never be able to get again. So here is the next chapter. _**

**_Islanda: Thanks for your review, means a lot to me._**

**_strawberry-sunset194: Thanks for reviewing. I don´t know were I got the phrase "Life´s feather" from. Perhaps I heared it somewhere in german or it just came to my mind._**

**Chapter 16**

**_House arrest _**_(Kyle)_

"House arrest, huh?" Nigel gave me a great look. I was still shocked.

Okay, we had build a hill of toilet paper in the school floor and got determination, but normally it would not mean anything nowadays. But today, Dad suddenly was pissed and was really confusing, because before our teacher phoned him, he had been in a really good mood. Why? I don´t know.

But house arrest wasn´t as bad as it sounded.

Mum and Dad did not care about what we did as long as we did not make too much noise. So we could do what we want in the house.

"Just bad, that we can not go to Taylor´s party then", Nigel said. He was in his sports clothes, which I hate. Running is boring, I think.

What I like is to play some video games with Marks playstation, what is okay because what he does not know will not make him go out of his shoes, I mean, he is never home so he won´t recognize and he will not go to the roof.

And the best is that Nora bought great things to eat and I am happy with my house arrest.

So you can eat ice cream while you play video games and listen to Jakes music (but only when Sarah isn´t at home) and you have fun, because there is no trouble.

But it´s important to stay in the room because when I meet Dad, he looks ashamed and when I meet Mum, she watches me like I am the bad twin, because I am the bad twin, ´cause Nigel is a good runner and Dad loves that and I, I am good at nothing.

I am not angry at Nigel because of this, but it is not nice to be the bad twin.

And the only thing that would make Dad proud, that was what Jessica said, would be to be good at sports, which means I am done because the only thing I can play is softball and that´s a girl sports and the only thing that would make Mum proud, that was what Sarah said, would be to be good at school and I am not so good at school.

"Hey Kyle, you okay?"

Henry´s head appeared in the door. I nodded.

Then he entered the room and gave me _the look. _It´s a name Kim gave it and I can not described it, it seemed like he wanted to say: I am your big brother and I know everything better then you, even if it´s about your feelings.

Don´t understand me the wrong way, Henry is a great big brother and he is the boss of the house, but, he is overprotective; that again is a word which was used by Kim first. He always wants everything to be okay, but nothing is okay. I know that. I am eight years old and not stupid.

"I´ve got house arrest, you say that´s okay?"

He smiled at me and entered the room completely.

"Did Mark allowed you to play with his things?", he asked.

Now _I _gave him a look. "He does not need it anymore."

"Kyle...private space and so on?" He made a gesture.

"Don´t be uncool."

Suddenly Henry´s gaze went dark. I don´t know why, but he is really sensible about this word. _Uncool._

"Why did you got house arrest?" His voice was not friendly anymore. It scared me. Henry suddenly scared me, and that´s not right, he should make me feel better, he always does. He is the strong one, Jessica says, the one who holds us together.

"Played a trick at school", I explained with a whisper.

"Don´t do that again. Mum and Dad have enough sorrows at the moment." And he left.

**Please review!**


	17. Knowing and Forgetting

_**Many thanks to **VladdieChica, strawberry-sunset194 **and **Islanda** for your reviews, they keep me working, also it works slow. **_

_**Knowing and Forgetting **(Henry)_

The sun shined what almost made me laugh. Sun never shined for a Baker those days.

I was outside school, regarding the pupils run around like hell because there had been a fire alarm.

I sat down on the wrench next to a huge tree and waited for the alarm to end. Why the hell they all paniced was not clear for me, it just had been practise.

Suddenly someone sat down next to me. I looked up.

"Hey Baker", Duncan Stevenson said. I sighed, he was the last one I needed now.

"Fire alarm says we can go home early, huh?", Duncan said. I nodded. It was not like I wanted to go home.

"Want to go to `Cappi´s´ then?", he asked.

I know he meant it the good way. He just wanted to make it okay, what happened to Owen, I mean.

But there was nothing about it that could be done. I was not mad at him and, by the way, what ever he would do, Owen would stay dead. Nothing could be done.

I wonder if he ever _really _talked to Owen´s parents. I, for what I can say, did talk to them twice after his dead, also I really had liked them. Just twice.

It always made me nervous to be remembered at Owen and this one day.

It´s always interesting how some little moments can change your live so dramatic. But I really did not want to think about.

And I really wasn´t in the mood to hang around at Cappi´s after school today, but alternative I could hang out at home.

"Yeah, let´s go there", I told Duncan.

Cappi´s was, as I´d thought, full of students of all ages, loud and sticky and warm.

When we entered the scene Mr. Fox, the owner of the whole thing was greeting Duncan by name,

what else - as one of the schools most famous football players, Duncan was always welcomed – and offered us one of his best tables.

I gulped while watching the other students, knowing that Mr. Fox knew the things that went through a Baker´s head those days. Sarah was one of his best customers now and Lorraine had been before.

Duncan´s friend had already started talking about football and the prom night but Duncan just watched me with an frowned forehead until I just threw the words at him: "What?"

It sounded more aggressive as I wanted it to do, but spoken words are spoken words, so I did not care very long about it sounded.

"Look...I know...no...", he stopped. I knew what he wanted to talk about and I looked at him gulping.

"Don´t", I said. My behaviour did not make it any easier for any of us, I know, but, what he really had to understand that I hated to think of Owen and I always had to think of Owen when I talked to Duncan. It was a steady unpleasant concomitant that walked with him through night and day and which he would never get rid of.

I left Cappi´s not soon after, leaving Duncan in a state of unpleasant non-knowledge and uncomfortable thoughts. Walking among the streets made me thinking and I recognized that, whatever happened, we both, Duncan and I, would always know that the only thing that connected us was a dead of a under-aged boy.

Suddenly I stopped and felt that Owen´s death had never been so present as now.

My heart wrenched and I bit my lips before any tears could run down my face. Crying was nothing a strong person should do, and a strong person was absolutely what I had to be now, because no one else in my family was and I was the biggest brother left so far.

It was late when I came home, school had been out early, but now it was already dark in the house.

I don´t know how much time passed at Cappi´s and I don´t know how long I had been walking senseless on the streets until I was ready to go home.

When I closed the door, I heard something that made me sigh:

The not so unfamiliar sound of sobbing coming out of the dark living room.

And as a big brother, I had no other choice. I would have never been able to sleep when I would have run and not spending some comfort.

"Hello?", I asked the dark room.

Suddenly everything went still and I got no responds, so I took on the light.

It was Sarah. Sarah who sat on the couch and cried, something she did not really often as the tomboy she was, or the tomboy she had been.

"Hey", I said softly.

"Hey", she said.

"What´s wrong?" I sat down on the other couch across the room.

"I am a single now" was all she said.

"Did Elliott...?"

"Yeah, so it is."

Fucking bastard. How could he hurt my little sister, huh?

A moment we just sat still, listening to the silence of the night.

"Want me to beat the crap out of him?", I asked.

She started to laugh.

"No...no." She paused. "Perhaps it´s okay. Perhaps it has to be. I think there´s something...I don´t know what it is, but...something _has _to change. And either it´s a bad one, it´s a start."

That was a little to complicated for me, to late in the night, so I did not answer.

"I will get over it", she sighed. "You know, I need to forget. I need to forget a lot of things, not only Elliott." Another pause. "Maybe...maybe I will be able to forget."

An unhappy smile formed on my lips.

"I know what you mean. I really wish I could forget all this crap. Forget it and run away."

Oh yeah Herny, I thought sarcastically, that´s what you have to say in your role as a big brother. Well done.

"Why don´t you?"

"Huh?", I made.

"Why don´t you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Run away." She really meant it.

It took me a while until I answered. "Because I could not. It would be the easiest thing to do, but the worst, too. As hard as it is, forgetting Charlie or Owen or Jake would be the worst thing I could do.

It...I couldn´t. What happened to them got my life in this bad shape, but...if I would just forget them, I had nothing to fight for, nothing that would tell me to keep going."

She watched me a while, I could see it work behind her eyes. I know what I sad scared her.

Then, she looked down and it almost sounded like she was smiling.

"Yeah. I understand what you mean."


	18. The foundation of a Ltd

_**Many thanks to**__ VladdieChicca, __**yeah, Herny is a strong person and a awesome big brother.**_

_**Many thanks to **__Islanda__** for reviewing, yeah, the whole family has got a really hard time.**_

_**And many thanks to **__WMHSCheerioBrittany __**for all your reviews. Yeah there are a lot of questions open and I hope I will be able to finish the story soon. **_

_**So, summer holidays and I´ve got nothing to do, so I hope I will be able to update a lot. **_

_**This chapter isn´t as good as the others, but I´ll try my best on the next one.**_

_**Disclaimer:**__** I do not own **__Cheaper by the dozen, __**but I own every mistake I made. Any Beta for a German Girl here?**_

**Chapter 18**

_**The foundation of a Ltd. **(Jessica)_

Jodie Pepper was a nerd and everybody knew that.

The clothes she wore were biodegradable, her glasses were too big and she talked two times too fast to make it possible to follow her.

Once, she, Kim and I had been the best friends, but nowadays, while Kim was hanging around with the cool kids, I was Jodie´s last hold. To be honest, Jodie and I had never come along so well, Jodie had been more Kim´s friend and I did not want to imagine how she had to feel now, after Kim "left" their trio and because me and her never got along so much.

But looser had to hold together and that was what went through my mind when she sat in the libery and Jodie lent on the table.

"Believe me, Jessica, it´s a brilliant idea."

My eyebrows went under my pony.

"An Ltd.?"

"Not any...Jess", she stopped for a moment were I even frowned more because she used my nickname, "Jess, look, it´s easy. We found an Ltd. Which involves all the kids that get ignored by the _cool ones_", she made a gesture, "it will be like...a revolution."

First of all, if you think that Jodie is a bit out of her mind, you are all right. She is out of her mind or at least she seemed to be the moment she told me _this._

"You´re out of your mind." This was Steve, whom I really forgot over Jodie, to be honest.

"Steven", Jodie said, which is weird, because Steve isn´t a nickname or something and he is not called Steven, perhaps it sounds weird but believe me...I do not mean an Ltd. In this way, I mean to fight against the class society in this school."

"Not possible", I said. It just came out of my mouth, faster then I could think.

"It is possible if you believe it. Just let me explain my point. See...if the looser hold together, they are all together more flexible and much more intelligent then the cool kids. And then we can make _them _feel like shit."

Funny point, huh? But to be honest, the idea of getting rid of the cool kids vs. looser system was about to become exciting.

"We meet after school. At my house. You will see, we are not alone."

She went away and yeah, she was crazy.

"So, we go there?"

"Huh?" My head jerked up and I faced Steve. "Where?", I asked confused.

"To Jodie´s."

Unfavourable I started to laugh.

"It´s not funny Jessica, they have a pont and they mean it and...I thought you of all guys would want a possibility to make the cool kids going down."

My voice was harsher then I wanted it to be when I answered. "Me of all kids? What you mean? You think its about Kim, huh? Say it in my face then, Steve, say _"Kim is a cool kid and you want __her to feel bad."_"

His eyes grew wide and I know, what I said was crazy, but in some way, it was good getting rid of some sorrows in this way.

"I don´t want her to feel bad, Steve. She´s still my sister."

"That´s not what I mean. But you want to feel better about it and you won´t talk to her, so let´s see what Jodie´s about going to say."

He had a point but I wasn´t going to admit it.

It was only Steve, Jodie me and another kid, Collin, whom I did not really know sitting in a white living room that looked like a hospital to me.

"So...", Jodie started. Good beginning, really.

"What do the cool kids have what makes them stronger then us?"

"Muscles?", Collin asked.

Jodie rolled her eyes.

"A lot of muscles?", Steve asked.

"No..."

"I´m pretty sure that´s it...", Collin mumbled.

"They always stay in a group, hold together and go against the looser kids when they are alone. They want us to break down mentally, to see us down. And they never leave their group, their group is everything for them and their friendship unbeatable. So what do we have to do?"

"Go out of their way?"

"No!" Jodie shook her head. "We have to break their group from the inside. All we have to do is to let them know that their friendship isn´t as strong as they think, that in reality everyone of them just wants the best for him and the others do not mean anything to him."

"And how do you want to do that?"

Her head turned at me. "You."

"What´s with me."

"Your sister. You have the chance to get all their little secrets through her. You´re the mole."

"You forgot one little point: Kim hates me."

"No she doesn´t", Steve suddenly said, "she just forgot it. You have to try."

I looked at them. "Your´re all crazy." But I would do it, not because of them, and not because of fighting against the cool kids, but to become closer to Kim again.


	19. School Day never began

_**Many thanks to **Ughster **for reviewing. I hope you´ll like this chapter, too. **_

_**Many thanks to **strawberry-sunset194** for reviewing. I mean that trying to hang around with Kim and get her know some better could make Jessica get closer to her. But we´ll see if this will work. **_

_**And many thanks to **Islanda **for your review, too. **_

_**Cheaper by the dozen is not mine and English is not my native language. **_

_**Does anyone know the name of the place the Bakers moved in the first film? Because they moved away from Midland to...? **_

**Chapter 19**_ Mark_

_School Day never began _

To be honest, Marks heart felt like ice when he walked over to the park at half past eight in the morning of a normal Wednesday.

"Hey Mark B." Rick´s voice came over to me the moment I entered the park.

He and Caleb sat on a bench near a huge tree and I joined them really fast.

"Hey you two", I said while walking over to them. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, like always", Rick smiled.

Mark turned his head to the sky and sighed. "It´s going to be boring."

It was true. When he had been at home yesterday evening it was what came to his mind, always just sitting anywhere and do nothing was starting to be boring.

"You´ve got another idea?", Ricky asked. That was the problem. Mark had no other idea, because there where only those to options, hanging around in the streets and do nothing or go to school, and the second option was...well...as always Mark decided for the first one.

"We could go to the mall and buy some ice cream and watch if the police officer gets us", Caleb said. Rick smiled at him and Mark mind was working. The police officer at the shopping mall hated the kids who hung around there at school time, because most of them always stole some stuff and Mark wasn´t sure if he wanted to belong to this kind of boys.

"Okay", he said.

While they were walking it started to rain and Mark thought that perhaps it wasn´t that bad that they´d decided to go to the shopping mall.

The shopping mall wasn´t that big. A shoe shop, two stores for clothes, one kiosk and a few small shops where you could get a new haircut or something like that next to the post office were everything you could found there.

Now, so early in the morning most of the stores weren´t even opened.

If Mark would have had some money, he would have bought himself some ice cream, but every money left, was still at home in the box under his bed.

There was no sign of some officer, so Rick sat down on the next bench and regarded an old woman packed with more bags then she could handle walking to the shop "Woolworth".  
"Ol´ ladies´re always the same", he laughed and through a thump at her.

Suddenly, Mark wondered why he hung around with Rick. Perhaps Rick wasn´t that cool Mark had thought?

"Don´t do that", Caleb said.

"Why not?" Rick turned his head around to face the dark haired boy with a confused expression on his face.

"Just don´t." Caleb wasn´t the person to talk back so I wondered what he was thinking now.

So Rick went silent at lit some cigarette. He liked smoking. Mark and Caleb did not smoke often, and Mark was happy about that. Sometimes he could really need a cancer stick but they did not taste so good.

"Hey Mark", Rick suddenly said.

"Hm?"

"I think I saw your Dad with a hot chick not so long ago."

The red haired turned his head with wide opened eyes. His Dad with a hot chick?

"No way man. Can´t have been my Dad."

"Just thought it was him. Can be wrong."

But Mark´s heart raced. His father would not have any affair, would he?

"Give me a cigarette", he begged. With raised eyebrows, Rick handed him one.

"Got some wound point?"

But Mark did not answer, he just smoked his cigarette while watching the old woman coming out of "Woolworth" again, no with a bag more.

"Hey, Mark B., you heard me?"

Mark made his way to the old woman and watched her with a smile.

"May I help you with your bags?", he asked. The next moment was not what Mark expected to happen. The woman watched him confused, then her gaze became dark and she started to scream.

"You young guys think you could steel my things with some stupid trick? Don´t you think I already know that?"

Confused Mark tried to explain that it was not, what he was planning.

"I...just wanted to help Mam´", he said. "I thought..."

"Oh, just wanted to help, huh? Taking my thinks is not helping me!"

"Is there some problem?" Both of their heads turned around and Mark faced a policeman. Shit.

"No officer..."

"This young boy wanted to take my thinks away", the woman said.

The policeman´s gaze became angry.

"No, Sir, I just wanted to help her. I never thought of steeling something, you´ve got to believe me."

"Why you´re hanging out here by the anyway. Shouldn´t you be at school?"

"Ehm..." Great. His mind was working, but without any result.

"We´ve got not so many lessons today, Officer", a voice suddenly told him. "Our school has got project days. Mark really just wanted to help the lady, but I think there must´ve been some misunderstanding."

Mark turned around and saw the school bully Frank smiling. Frank was the son of a policeman.

And as a wonder would happen, the policeman believed him. He left with the woman and Mark just stared at Frank at his to really tall mates. There was no sign of Rick or Caleb.

"That´s our territory, Baker", he explained.

Mark nodded. "Of cause." Where the hell were Rick and Caleb?

"Go away now."

"Sure."

Rick and Caleb were waiting for him outside the mall.

"Who´s that?", Rick asked.

"Frank Albany, the school bully. I don´t know why he helped me."

Rick and Caleb exchanged gazes. "What?", I asked.

"Nothing."

"Let´s go somewhere else", I told them. So we walked away.

I came home earlier then normal and no one was home yet.

It was two o´clock when I recognized the letter on the kitchen table. The letter from my school, addressed to my parents. My heart started to race when I opened it.

_Dear Mr. And Mrs. Baker, _

_I am sorry to tell you that your son Mark Baker is missing his graduation from Middle School because of missing to much lessons without any excuse. _

_His tutor Mr. Harthwore will be able to talk to you on next Monday, the 21st at three p.m. . _

_If you´re not able to perceive the appointment please call us until Friday. _

_Ann Cold, secretary of Abraham Lincoln Middle School_

My heart felt like ice. Then I went into the garden and burned the letter.


	20. Happiness waves and goes away

_**Many thanks to my Beta **VladdieChicca**. Finally I am able to post a chapter without mistakes (I hope so). **_

**_And many thanks to _**_Islanda **for reviewing. Failing school! That was the expression I was looking for. :D**_

**_And many thanks to _**_strawberry-sunset194 **for reviewing. **_

**Happiness waves and goes away** (_Jake)_

You know what happiness is? I'll tell you what it is.

It´s a person you don´t know, someone who passes by, waves with its hand and then, it goes away without even taking a real look at you.

Once, I used to know this person, but nowadays it´s just like an old, faded picture of a friend of the family you saw every now and then when you were younger, but now your memory of those days isn´t as strong and all that's left is a blurred, grainy picture.

That´s what happiness is.

Or that´s what I´ve told Dr. Miller when he asked me about it.

Five minutes later I was sitting in my room again, looking out the window.

"Jake?"

I turned my head and saw the nurse, Betty, standing at my door, smiling.

"What do you think of going into the sitting room with the others?"

"The others". Those were the other dudes here; all the guys that were more or less crazy; usually also depressed or affected by some nervous disorder.

I shook my head 'no'.

I can't be with people anymore. I know they´ll look at me when they think I don´t notice, watching the guy that almost killed his brother, questions forming in their heads about how someone could live with that. The answer was easy: I couldn´t.

But _they _did not give me any chance anymore to change it. But it was my own fault, because I failed _twice_ in doing the thing.

"Come on Jake, you don´t have to talk to them. Just sit there, hm?"

Nurse Betty was really nice. It´s poor luck she had to work with _me_.

The sitting room was a white and blue room with armchairs, books, and some tables that you used to play games.

Nurse Betty surely wanted me to sit with the others at a table and play cards, but the only place that is interesting there is the window where you can watch the roof from the next house. It´s high enough that you can jump down and not care about anything after. But the windows can´t be opened, and the glass is reinforced with those chicken wire screens.

"What´s your name?"

A thin voice brought me out of my planning. My head jerked around, waiting to send this guy who interrupted my thoughts to hell. Then I stopped. The girl was about eight years old and it wouldn´t have gone well with my conscience to hit her.

So, I shrugged.

"Do you wanna play with me?"

I shook my head.

"Please play with me."

"No."

"My Teddy and I wanted to make a tea party, please play tea party with us. My teddy really wants you to play with us." The poor little girl was begging me.

The last time I played tea party was when I was seven and that was only because I had lost a bet with Sarah. I had to play it with Kim and Jessica. Not fun.

You should have seen her puppy dog eyes. Nurse Betty who was watching us gave me a "don´t upset her" look.

The words came slowly over my lips. "Okay."

She smiled a million dollar smile and took my hand to lead me to an already-set table where I had to sit down and drink tea from a much-too-small cup. Live sucked, but I´m still a nice guy.

The girl's name was Heather and she definitely was one of the happiest children I´ve ever met. It made me think about why she ended up here.

"You want a cookie? I baked cookies." And she handed me air.

While eating air cookies and drinking out of empty cups for about half an hour, she still wasn´t finished. She could talk like a waterfall and that reminded me of Lorraine. Lorraine and Sarah, who both, as different they were, could talk hours about nonsense, which was unheard of for someone like me. This girl definitely was a little, 8-year-old Lorraine and I had to smile about it.

"Can I have some more cookies?" I asked her.

So she gave me more cookies. It's unbelievable that I wasn´t filled to the top with cookies.

"And my teddy always sleeps in my bed, but he says I´m snoring."

"What´s his name?" I asked.

"Charlie."

The next thing I know was the noise of a table which fell on its side and the plastic silverware rolling over the carpet floor and Heather screaming. Hands grabbed me but I boxed them out of the way, not wanting anybody to touch me. A boy screamed bloody murder and it took me the whole way back to my room (carried by three wardens) to realize it was me. There was a pain in my arm and then I was out.

When I woke up with blurred vision, Dr. Miller sat next to my bed and looked at me.

"What happened Jake?"

"I hate tea parties" I told him.

"Jake, tell me the truth, what do you remember?"

I turned around and faced the wall. I could not tell him what happened. I had been happy, playing with that little girl, and I was punished for it. But he wouldn´t understand that.


	21. The Audition

**_Many thanks to my Beta _**_VladdieChica** for correcting this chapter and still reviewing. **_

**_Thanks to _**_beastlyrocks **for your review. **_

**The Audition **_Lorraine_

"You sure they liked me?" Will asked for the hundredth time.

I sighed, turned around and gave him an intense, meaningful look. I turned back and my eyes met the mirror.

"They love you" I said, more to myself than him.

"What makes you so sure? Your father-"

"_I _love you. That´s enough reason for them to see what a wonderful man you are."

He smiled and hugged me from behind. Then he gave me a long kiss. "I love you, too" he said.

He released me and waited until I had finished my mascara and turned to face him.

"Maybe you should've introduced me to them a bit earlier. My parents had time to learn more about you before you became my fiancé." He raised his hand to my head and stroked my hair out of my face.

"Normally the guy asks the father of the girl for her hand before the girl."

"My family is not normal" I told him and turned to the mirror again.

Dad had made his celebrated pasta. Everyone, okay everyone except for Charlie and Jake, was there. Nora and Bud came, leaving behind their hectic schedules. Even Kim, who went to parties almost every weekend and what was more, Mark, who hung out who knows where these days.

And they all watched me.

"So, what do you think of him?" I asked, but I was almost too afraid to hear their answer.

"You know what I think of him" Nora smiled back to me. She´s a great big sister.

I watched the others, who didn't say a word. "No reason to answer me." Then I talked to Mom.

"I found a wonderful dress."

"What´s wrong with my old dress?" she asked. But Nora had her old dress, and to be honest, it looked horrible.

There was a tense pause, in which I hoped an earthquake would start, only to end this evening.

"Lorraine", Dad started and he looked more uncomfortable then I´d ever seen him before. "William-"

"His name is Will, Dad. It´s not short for William. It´s just Will."

"So..._Will_...seems to be a nice man who will be able to treat my daughter like the princess she is. But...Lorraine I can tell that hundred percent. Because _I don´t know him_. I was asked to give the hand of my daughter to a complete stranger. And that makes me think of what will happen after. What if we never see you again?"

Suddenly, I started to smile. That was his problem? I could ease his fears.

"That´not going to happen, Dad."

"He´s a dick." Every head at the table turned to Mike, who had said this.

"No he isn´t Mike."

"Yes, he is. He is not even good in sports, I asked him. And he knows nothing about skating."

There was some noise that came from Sarah, but she did not say anything.

"He´s a dick", Nigel repeated for Mike and Kyle started to nod.

"You can´t know, you only met him once."

"That´s the point, Lorraine!" Big Tom was standing now. "We only met him once. We don´t know him. What should we know about him?"

"That I really love him" I stood up, too. "And that you can trust me. I mean, what do you care anyway? What do you care about your children? You know, a lot has happened in my life since _it _happened, but you can´t know. Ask your other children, I´m sure they feel the same- as if you care."

Everything went still in the room; not even the plants were moving

"I think it'll be great", Kim suddenly said. "At least one person in this family is still normal. You should be happy that Lorraine will experience the most important day-the most important event- in her life. I'm happy for her. And I am happy I can call Will family soon, because then I won´t have to be ashamed of my family anymore."

I sat alone in the living room, Mum and Dad were in their room and my siblings where god- knows-where. Nora and Bud were already gone.

"I´m not gonna pass middle school."

My head jerked around and I saw Mark standing in the door frame.

"What...what does that mean Mark?"

"I missed most of this quarter. I am not gonna move on; not a chance. Mum and Dad have to go to see the director on Monday, but I burned the letter. They don´t need to worry about me. They worry enough."

"Mark..." I did not know if I should hit him or give him a hug.

"I won't tell them for as long as possible. I know I can't lie forever, and one day they'll know. But for now, they don´t have to worry about me. I'm not that important."

"Mark..." I wanted him to tell him that it wasn't true, but it was. No one was important anymore, only Charlie, but he couldn't say a word. But they still loved us all.

"They love you, they don´t want you to miss your classes or...you have to tell them, Mark."

"Not yet..." He was so resigned. And he was only fourteen. It almost made me cry.

"It wouldn't change anything. It would only make it worse, if that´s even possible."

There was a pregnant pause where neither of us said a word. Then he spoke again.

"Next Monday, I go to school again. I´m not going to like it, but I know I have to. And, maybe- maybe they won't care. I think it would be the best. If they don´t care about you. You know they don´t care. You said it during dinner. I heard it, and it´s true. And I'm telling you, it´s fine the way it is."

He turned and walked away.

**_So, that was the next chapter. _**

**_Please, please review. Reviews are a fanfiction writers water. Just tell me what you think._**


	22. Evening at Home

_**Many thanks to **VladdieChicca. ** First for betareading this chapter and second for reviewing the last one. I am happy you do it and you like it.**_

_**Thanks to **Islanda **for reviewing. Yeah, it´s sad and it´s even not the teddy´s or anybody else´s fault that its name is Charlie. **_

_**Thanks to **Writer´s Solo **for reviewing. It makes me happy to hear about what your thinking and yeah, Tom and Jake took it really bad, that´s right. **_

_**This family is a mess, and I´ve done that to them...**_

_Disclaimer: Cheaper by the dozen is not mine._

**Chapter 22** _Kim_

_**Evening at home**_

After dinner, I went to my room. It was Saturday and I had to stay home because of Lorraine! First I really hated being shut up in the house, but then I realized that Lorraine was the person I felt closest to. Lorraine had been like me; a girl who was happy to be one of the cool kids at school.

Not every Baker could make it to that. Nora was a bit. Charlie had never been that popular before, even if he was a football player

Henry was a jock, too. But he didn't hang around with the cool guys that much. From what I could understand, it was because of what happened to his friend Owen. I have to say, I think it was totally stupid of him. He liked to hang around with his other friends, and he still was in band practise which is not the coolest thing on earth (_A.N. Actually, it is. Band practise at my school is cool, I enjoy it and the school band is the biggest thing we have at school and the concerts need us, that sounds arrogant, but sport is not a thing at schools in my country, to do sports you visit teams of the city). _

_(I don´t know if the time I used is correct when Kim talks about Henry and later when she talks about the other family members)_

But all in all, Henry was still cool. And he was liked well enough in school, which is important. He doesn't like Duncan and his friends much, but he was popular because he had a certain charisma to him. He's definitely the coolest guy in our family. Or he had become the coolest guy, because he managed everything here now, and he cared. Charlie and Jake were too busy to be like Henry.

So, Henry is cool and I'm happy to be cool, too.

Sarah _was_ sort of cool, but in a different way. Nowadays, she's way more girly. Mark is out of question and it´s okay, because he knows how to handle it. Or at least, that´s what I think, because I haven´t spoken to him in what seems like forever. But who cares? Caring is not a word this family knows anymore and I only was one of the first to recognize that I had to do my own thing to keep my head above water. Call me an asshole, but I only do what´s necessary to survive.

My little brother Mike is a rebel. He doesn't care about school or being popular. All he cares about is being like Jake. That's cool at his age, but I don´t want to think about what will happen to him, when he's Jakes age, because Jake...see I really don´t want to talk about him.

Nora has no problem about being cool or not. She´s too old for that, she has to be a good mother and good at work, but that´s everything.

And Nigel and Kyle are too young.

The person who has the most problems because she´s not one of the cool kids is Jessica.

I'm sad about that, but she got what she wanted; good grades and a smile from every teacher. If that´s what she wants, I won´t get in her way.

My room is mine and mine alone. Jessica doesn't room with me anymore. She moved into Charlie´s old room.

I sat down on my bed, looking out of the window, were I could watch the sunset, when there was a knock at my door.

"Yeah?"

The door opened and Jessica walked into her old room, an uncomfortable expression on her face. For a moment, I felt bad because she felt weird talking to her twin, but nothing of this could be heard in my voice when my mouth snapped open.

"What do _you_ want?"

"I...I wondered if you would mind giving me tips about doing my hair. It always looks the same, isn´t that boring?"

You know that prickling on the back of your neck where everything feels tense and awkward? That's what happened now.

Suddenly, I understood what it meant. It meant that Jess and me, who were once inseparable, didn't have anything to say to eachother.

But she was here to make it better, so I smiled and took my hair brush. "Come here."

We sat in silence while I was making up her hair. I decided to give it more volume, when Jess suddenly turned around to face me.

"What happened to us, Kim?"

I thought about playing dumb, but I knew what she meant. Sighing, I put the brush on my side table and watched her. I couldn't respond because I didn't know the answer.

"Once we would tell eachother everything. We were best friends; not just sisters. And now...I don´t think we´re even sisters anymore."

Still, I didn't answer. I knotted my hands instead.

"Is it because you´re popular and I´m not? Or is it something else?"

I shrugged because that was all I was able to do.

"What it´s like to be cool, Kim?"

Frowning, I watched her face, her big eyes, trying to find why she asked me that _now, _before I answered.

"It´s not like you think Jessica. It´s not the perfect life you think it is. Every morning you need hours to make your hair and everything and the first thing that happens when you meet your friends is that they check you over; if your hair´s sitting right, if your clothes fit, and about your makeup... and then there's all these other rules. It´s not that I´m not talking to you in school, because I don´t want to...I can´t...one word and they look at you like...I don´t know", I sighed before I continued. "The others ignored Alice because she talked to Timmy Tim."

"Who´s that?"

"Tim Gardener."

"He´s a nice guy."

"Of cause he is, but he´s not cool. But Bryan O´Neal is. He watched me those days, but I know Cindy loves him, so I can't do anything about it; she would hate me. Maybe I should look for some guy from high school."

"Cameron looks good."

I frowned. "Jake´s friend?" She nodded before I could recognize that this was the first time in months where Jake was mentioned without anybody wincing.

"But he´s not popular, you know that. He´s definitely one of the uncool guys at high school."

"So you still think he´s sweet?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused about that, how did she know?

"When Jake brought Cam the first time-I think it´s almost two years ago- you fell in love with him. You told me so."

"Yeah...Cam's sweet. But he´s not cool."

"He goes to high school. Aren´t all high school guys cool?"

"I don´t know Jess, I don´t know. I don´t know what´s cool or not until the girls talk about it. I'm like a fish, I just go with the rest of the pack."

"Fish travel in schools." For once, I didn't care she was correcting me.


	23. Rector Ricky

_Listening to "Wire to Wire" by Razorlight while writing this chapter. Does not fit, but there is a line "we share the same scar ", which fits in my opinion anyway._

_Ah and many thanks to _VladdieChica_ for betareading my stories and still writing comments.  
Many thanks to _strawberry-sunset194 _for reviewing the last two chapter.  
And thanks to the anonymus reviewer but I am sorry to tell you that you still have to wait a little bit until the Sarah chapter will be up and I don´t tell  
you what will happen with her. It´s already in my head. _

**Disclaimer: Cheaper by the dozen does not belong to me. If it would, I wouldn´t need to write fanfiction about it.**

**Rector Ricky **_Mike _

_(Chapter 23)_

I really didn't know what I´d done this time. All I knew was that my teacher sent me to the director's office.

"Mike Baker. Here again?" were the words which welcomed me oh-so-warmly.

I shrugged. I remembered how often Sarah had been sent to the director's office and it wasn´t so bad that I got sent here – again.

"So, Miss Hendrickson told me you disrupted her teaching-again. She thinks detention won't work on you anymore."

I had to smile. That only could mean that they would call my parents, like they did when Kyle and Nigel got in trouble. But Mum and Dad don´t care. Henry does, but I am not scared of him.

"This isn't not funny, Mike. It´s a real problem. I know you´re family is...a bit _off_ nowadays, but that doesn't mean you get any slack_. _As a student of this school, you have to _behave_."

"Like Kyle and Nigel?"

He sighed. Really, why are adults always sighing, huh? Can anyone explain it to me?

"You could be a good role-model for your brothers."

"They could get a different role model" I said, pushing him off.

"Your grades will thank you, too, if you pay a little more attention in class. They´re not the best and Mike, elementary school isn´t what I would call difficult."

The director´s name was Richard Brown, but behind his back, everybody called him Ricky, because once, Lou Smith saw the 'rector and his wife and she called him Ricky. The next day, the whole school knew and now he was Rector Ricky. But his wife died a year ago, at least that´s what Jessica told me. Perhaps that´s why he was so friendly to us Bakers, even if Nigel, Kyle and me always got ourselves in trouble – because he knew how we felt, in some way.

"Mike, I want you to try. I want you all- your brothers, too- to try, would you tell them?"

To everybody else I would have said what my family-and life- had taught me: that he had to give a shit about us, and that he could leave us alone, because we knew how to take care of ourselves. But maybe I wouldn't say that to him.

Perhaps he really understood. And that´s why I said this:

"I don´t know how to try." Once, in a story we read in school, there was a part that said the voice of the main character guy broke. Back then, I didn't know how that could happen. Now I know how he felt.

Ricky sighed again, which made me nervous and I shifted on my chair.

"Just try. You start your day right, don´t come too late anymore, you follow the lessons and do your homework. And you could join the hockey team. What do you think of it?"

"Join the hockey team?" That would be great. Ever since we moved from Midland, I hadn´t been on an official team. I only played with my brothers.

"It would be a good way to spend your free time." I paused to think.

"Are you Santa Claus?" I said sarcastically. Suddenly I wasn´t so sure if I should trust this man.

He laughed. Then he stopped and watched me seriously. "Try, Mike. You need to try. If you don´t and your situation in school doesn't improve, I'll have to think about more than detention."

And everybody knew what that means: Talking to my parents and suspension.

Monday night means building a house of blankets with Nigel and Kyle and talking about what should happen this week. But tonight, I didn't share my thoughts with them. I stayed in kitchen to watch Kim and Jessica washing dishes together and talk about nonsense.

"Strange, huh?" someone next to me said. It was Henry. I nodded and continued watching them; thinking of asking them what to call this _feeling_ that grew inside me. But I couldn't describe it.

**_Come on, dudes! Please leave a review. _**


	24. Bombing

_First: There are one or two bad words in this chapter, not too bad for me, but they are for Nigel, ´cause he´s only eight. But come on, it´s rated T and 13- year-olds should be okay with them; I was when I was 13. _

_Second: I think the way Nigel´s chapter is written seems too complicated for an eight year old. I tried, but it just wouldn't come out right._

_Last but not least: _

_Many thanks to _VladdieChica _for betareading and reviewing._

_Many thanks to _Writer´s Solo _for reviewing. _

**Bombing** _Nigel _

_(Chapter 24)_

Training was over earlier than normal today. I wasn't really learning anything, but I didn't want it to end. I had to come home earlier than normal, which is horrible. Normally, when I came home from training, I can go into my room, do homework and eat dinner. Sometimes, I have Kyle with me, sometimes not. When we hang out together, we can do something new and have fun.

When I came home on Monday, it wasn´t like that. It was quiet in the house,-too quiet. Okay, it´s normally quiet these days, but there was really _no_ sound, not even Kyle and Mike.

When I walked into the living room; looking for someone-_anyone_-five pairs of eyes turned to stare at me. It was scary.

Henry sat on the armchair, pride of place, his arms crossed over his chest, Mike and Kyle sat on the one couch and Kim and Jessica – since when are they friends?- on the other.

The first thing I could think of, that something bad happened. _Charlie_ was the first word that was forming in my mind. But then I thought that if something happened to Charlie, there would be the whole family, and not only those five. So the next thing I was thinking of was _Jake._ But Sarah wasn´t here, so this was impossible, too.

"Hi" I said.

I thought of what only Kyle and me knew, the thing about Dad and this thing he called _Jeanie_. But then, Kyle would never tell them without asking me first.

"Hey Nigel", Henry said and the others smiled at me. That was good, smiling, wasn´t it?

"What´s going on?", I asked.

Perhaps it was because I still had house arrest and I was too late, but I came home earlier, so that could not be the thing.

Henry sighed and suddenly everybody watched Mike. _Mike. _Like he was going to say something, but Mike doesn't talk much. Never, really, if I think about it.

"I had a talk with Director Brown."

Huh? That sounded bad, so I sat down next to my twin.

"You three", Henry pointed his finger at me, Kyle and Mike. "You have problems at school, don´t you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, you get detention all the time. I have to wonder if Sarah was really so bad at your age."

Oh, that.

"And it´s not only detention..."

"No?"

"Your grades, too. Guys, you´re only eight and ten, you need to try harder in school. At your age, it´s not even difficult", was Jessica saying, " and...look, we don´t want Mum and Dad to have to worry about you."

Oh, that.

"They don´t worry about us", I said and got elbowed by Kyle.

"Yes, they do", Herny´s words were soft, but concrete. "We all do."

That wasn't true. Everyone only worried about Charlie and it made me angry that Henry was lying.

"Don´t say that!" I yelled and stood up.

"Calm down Nigel" Kim placated, but I don´t listen to Kim; she´s a slut.

"No!" I shouted. Kyle grabbed my arm, but I shook him off.

"So you want them to have to see your 'rector because you can't _try_?" Henry screamed back.

I wanted to answer, but I did not know what and I was happy, when suddenly the front door opened with a loud _creak _and Sarah ran upstairs.

I breathed faster than normal and no one said a word. Then Henry said with a calm voice:

"I'll check onSarah, and you think, okay? Just think about it. I don´t want to hear any screams while I'm upstairs."

And he went off.

We sat in silence for a while, and Kim and Jessica went to the kitchen to cook.

Mike stood up then, waited for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, but then he walked away without saying a word.

"You okay, Nigel?" Kyle asked.

I didn't answer, because I didn't know.

Henry was right; we caused too much trouble, but what should I do about it? It was too much for me. I didn't even noticed Kyle walking away.

After some time I got up and went into my room- my own room, because Kyle and me didn't share a room anymore. It looked like a bomb dropped in here. Perhaps they were right, Henry and Rector Ricky and Mike and Kim and the others.

I sighed and tidied up my room.

**Please leave a review, that can´t be difficult. Five reviews and I update the next chapter, five aren´t even much! Just tell me what you think, even if you think I wrote crap.**

**And I can say, if you review fast, you´ll be happy, the next chapter is _long. _**


	25. The Disaster of Distance

_**Hello guys, here´s the next chapter!**_

_**Many thanks to my Beta **VladdieChica, **what would I do without you?**_

_**WMHSCheerioBrittany: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I miss old Jake, too. We will see if he´ll be okay. **_

_**Writer´s Solo: Thanks for reviewing so much! It´s good to hear what you think ybout the story and that you thing my english skills are good. That makes me happy, but of cause I´ve got a Beta no, too. **_

_**Islanda: No problem! I understand it when somean is busy, take me, for example, school tarted this week and now I´m busy. This chapter was written last week.**_

_**strawberry-sunset194: Ah! Evil. Writing a review in which stood that I can update now, because you reviewed. Perhaps next time you´ll tell me what you think? Even if you think I wrote sh**.**_

_**This anonymous reviewer: Here you see what´s going on with Sarah!**_

Disclaimer:  Not mine.

**Chapter 24 : The disaster of distance** _Sarah_

When we still lived in Midland, I had to share a room with Jessica and Kim.

Now that we moved, I was happy to have a room on my own. I couldn't stand being around other people now, after arguing with Elliott. Not seeing eachother was killing our relationship.

But I had had the solution. And then, everything went wrong.

He was on the phone, and for the first time in a month we could talk each other for longer than five minutes. That meant I had the chance to tell him from my plans of visiting him next weekend.

"I'm tired of only talking on phone or reading e-mails. I want to see you" I told him. His responds had been short and useless. "I know, Sarah."

"But?"

"I can´t, I'm at a boarding school, Sarah!"

"But you told me you go home for the weekends."

"Which I share with my family- alone."

That really hit me. He didn't want to see me.

"You don´t want to see me?"

"No, Sarah. It´s more complicated than that."

It always was more complicated. It was never easy. This entire relationship was only complicated.

"Do you want to see me?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Then come here."

He did not respond for a long while. Finally, he answered slowly, weighing each word "My dad wants me to be with the family. I can´t just leave."

"Your´re sixteen."

"And?"

"You´re old enough. Come here." He was, he really was. I was, too. Last time I met him, he sang me this song from the musical "The sound of music". You know it, the boy's singing it for the oldest girl, Liesel, because she´s sixteen, going on seventeen, a lot like me.

"I have...obligations when it comes to family", he explained.

"You have obligations when it comes to me."

He didn't really answer. He said something that sounded like "yeah"but then he had to go, because his tutor wanted to meet him.

Like I said: This whole thing was killing our relationship. And I was the only one who noticed. Even though I wanted to be strong, and crying always had been out of question when it came to Sarah Baker, I started to cry, putting my cell phone back in my pocket and bursting through the door, running upstairs to my room. Who would care anyway?

I didn't notice the soft knock at my door until it opened with me sitting in front of it.

"_What_?" I screamed. "Leave me alone."

A sigh was heard. "What the hell is wrong with this family so that everybody has to scream?"

It was Henry. It was always Henry and it calmed me down a bit, because Henry could fix anything.

So I stepped aside and let him in.

"So, what´s wrong?" He didn't even react when he saw my wet face. As if he already knew.

"It´s just...it sucks" I said lamely.

He sat down on my bed and watched me walking over to my desk to look out of the window.

"I tried to talk to him, you know."

"I thought you broke up?"

I nodded.

"I think I´m still not over it." It was hard to admit, but it was true. "We were to..distanced. A relationship, no matter what kind, can´t survive this. Look at this family! We´re all distanced, too. And what happened? Didn´t even notice one of us tried to kill himself. First we thought it was an accident!"

"It´s not your fault."

"It´s our everybody´s fault, Henry!"

He did not answer. He just sighed.

Suddenly, I was next to him, looking him in the eyes.

"Maybe if I hadn't been so focused on myself and Elliott, I would have noticed what happened to Jake."

"Sarah..."

"We were so close back then, but I ruined it."

"No..."

"Shut up – I haven´t even visited him."

Suddenly, Henry bit on his lips. "Me neither."

After some while sitting in silence, he continued, almost whispering the words. "I want to fix this family, but I can't. Everybody thinks I'm the strong one, the guy who could hold everything together, but it´s not true. I can't manage shit. And visiting Jake, that would mean I would have to face one of my biggest weaknesses. That´s not possible. I can´t even visit Owen´s grave."

Within seconds he had started to cry. I never saw him crying before and it made me realize that Henry, Big Man Henry, wasn´t Superman or someone like that. He was an eighteen year old boy. A boy who had a big brother lying motionless in a white hospital bed, unable to comfort him when he was reminded of his dead best friend. He had a little brother whom he almost lost, too.

I hugged him and whispered: "I love you, Henry."

After a while, we both had calmed down and sat in silence. Suddenly I had to smile.

"What?" my big brother asked.

"I don´t need Elliott. If I want someone who understands me, I am looking for someone who understands me, someone who can make me laugh. And who is available all the time."

He looked at me like I had gone crazy, and I think he was right.

The next day was a Tuesday. First lesson was History.

"So, Sarah Baker, what are you doing tonight?" Bobby Urban, the jerk who was Batman, watched me, chewing bubble gum again.

"I don´t know, kick your ass?" I answered without even looking at him.

"Hmm...I´d like that."

"Sure" I said.

"What about seeing a movie with me?"

I turned my head to face him.

"In your dreams."

"And what if they were to come true tonight?"

I frowned, then raised my eyebrows and focused the blackboard again. "Then mankind would end."

"Oh come on, Baker, I know you broke up with your boyfriend."

My head whipped around again. "How?" I whispered angrily.

"Everybody does." He made a bubble with the chewing gum and looked at my surprised face with an amused expression.

"How?"

"Stood on the wall on the boys' toilet, right next to the place where it says you have a nice ass."

I didn't reply. I didn't know if he said the truth about the toilette, but somehow, he must have learned that I was a single again.

"So it´s true, huh? You going out with me, then?"

"No."

"But I'm hot, and I'm Batman."

"The lady said no."

Both our heads jerked around to my other side. Joe Jefferson faced us, no Bobby, with an impressive expression of "You Might Wanna Run Now, Kid" on his face.

Bobby needed time to think for an answer. Suddenly the bell rang, he jumped up, grabbed his books and went away. "You´re dead man, Jefferson" he whispered.

I watched him almost running out of the room. For a moment, I noticed that he too had a really nice ass, but then I shook my head. What was I thinking?

Then I noticed that Joe Jefferson was still watching me.

"Thanks for the help, but I could´ve handled it myself" I told him none-too-gratefully.

"Sure."

He put his book into his bag and was about to go, when I suddenly grabbed his arm.

"I´m sorry, didn´t meant it."

"It´s okay, Sarah."

"You called me Sarah..." I said, shocked. Nobody really called me Sarah. My last name was available for everyone, and everyone used it. I was Baker, and when it was too complicated because there were so many of us, I was Baker Girl or Sarah Baker, but never just Sarah.

"It´s your name, isn´t it?"

We went silent and he was about to go when I hold him back once again.

"Hey, do you want to go to Cappi´s with me after school?"

For a moment, his face lighted up, but then he looked sad.

"I´m sorry, I can´t. I have to go home."

"What about tomorrow?"

"We´ll see." He walked away, but tomorrow we didn't have any classes together, and that meant we wouldn´t meet.

So today, I went to Cappi´s on my own.

I watched Duncan Stevenson and his friends joking around in front of a crowd of girls. He made me think of Henry and yesterday evening, so I tried to focus on my milkshake and the history homework.

"Hey" a soft voice greeted shyly.

I looked up and saw Bobby Urban sitting in front of me. I rolled my eyes and shut the book.

"What do you want?"

"To have a nice day with you."

"Eat shit, Urban."

"Why do you hate me?"

"Because of the same reason everybody else does. You´re a jerk."

And suddenly something in his eyes changed and I wished I never said those words. Not calling him a jerk, but saying "everybody else". I reminded him that he had no real friends.

He turned his head around and watched Duncan and one of his friends flirting with a girl. There was an awkward silence.

"I´m sorry, I didn't mean that." I tried to help the situation.

"Yes, you did." He looked me in the eyes, and I felt terrible

Then he sighed and spoke again: "I wasn´t thinking of going out with you or having sex or any of that. I just wanted to spend a nice day with you. I think you can be nice, that´s all."

I went silent and then I smiled. "So, what did you have in mind?"

_**As I promised: It was a loooong chapter. What about a review? Tell me what you think and you get an imaginary cookie.**_


	26. A Need to Talk

**_Hello! Next Chapter´s here._**

**_First of all I want to thank my Beta_**_ VladdieChica**.  
And then many thanks to **Alyson **for the review.  
And many thanks to **Islanda**, too. What do you mean with "a big marshmallow"? But sounds as you don´t like him, why does nobody like Bobby, I like him...**_

**Chapter 26: A need to talk**_ Nora _

It was Tuesday evening, and Bud and I ate Chinese food in our living room while watching _Gone with the Wind _for the hundredth time. It was the best thing on TV and to be honest, I loved the film since I read _The Outsiders_ but had been too lazy to read the whole book about Scarlett and the others.

Suddenly the phone rang.

I sighed and was happy when Bud stood up to answer the phone.

"Darling?" Buds voice came up to me from the hallway and I sighed again.

"Who is it?"

"Your mum." So I stood up.

"Hey Mum."

"Hey darling", she answered softly, and I immediately knew something was wrong.

"What´s wrong Mum" I deadpanned.

I was tired, and I had known from the beginning that I would never be able to stay awake until the film ended; I had to repress a yawn.

"I´ve done something terrible."

Frowning, I sat down on the stairs. "Why?"

"I wrote a new story."

"Oh." What should I say? "Why´s that terrible?"

"I wrote myself into it. I ..."

"Mum, what are you talking about?" Was she drunk?

"When I came home from the meeting with my publisher last week, I met this guy. ...I had no idea of a story so I thought, perhaps, I could write about him."

"Oh, did you mention his name?"

"No, but...today, I did not know how to continue and so I went to search for him. God, he could have been a pervert."

"You looked for a complete stranger to write a story about him?"

"Tell me it´s not crazy, Nora."

"Mum..." I couldn´t tell her, she seemed crazy.

"He talked to me, about his life...I can't write fiction, so I let him tell me his to write it down...what will your father say?"

"So, everything went OK?"

"Yes."

"And you´re telling me this, because...?" I trailed off.

"I needed to tell someone."

"What about Dad? I mean, what would say?" I watched my bare feet, moving my toes.

On the other end of the phone, Mum went silent for a while. I played with the cable of the phone and waited for her to answer my question.

"I don´t think he would care."

"What? Mum, of course he would care."

There was a pause again, in which I could hear some screams and Mum yelling at someone to leave someone else alone.

"Sorry darling, what did you say?"

"He would care."

I heard her sighing, shifting in her position and I could really imagine her sitting on the couch, with a glass of wine on the table because she started to drink one every few days when Charlie fell into the coma.

"Nora – I think he´s having an affair."

After the call I sat on the floor for a while, arms around my knees, head slumped against the wall.

It could not be true. My Dad had an affair. He was the last person who would do that, but Mum said she heard it, when Nigel and Kyle were telling it Mike tonight and when I told her, that perhaps, they´d been playing a game, she said no, because Tom having an affair would explain so much. The new aftershave he wore, even if they did not share any romantic moments anymore, why he was "at work" so often and the new book about cooking he bought, even if it always was the older kids at home who cooked the dinner.

But my Dad was not the kind of man who would have an affair! He was Tom Baker, father of twelve children and a loving husband. He would never do such a thing to his wife and family.

_**Part II is done. Two other parts left. I´ve already written the next few chapters and I hope you´ll review a lot, so I can update the next chapter soon. **_


	27. The Man and the Crowd

_**Well guys, here´s the next chapter. I hope you´ll like it.  
Many thanks to **VladdieChicca __**for betareading and reviewing.  
Thanks to **aussiebabe290, _**_does that mean you liked it?  
Many thanks to _**_Islanda. **Okay, I think I will rob this words and use it in my story when you´re okay with that. That´s a really cool expression.  
And many thanks to **_ _Writer´s Solo**. I think you´ll see if she cares within the next two chapters.  
everybody: Have fun reading it and even if you don´t like the chapter, leave a review, please!**_

**Part III**

**Immer wenn ich dich besuch, fühl´ich mich grenzenlos.**

**Alles andre ist von hieraus so weit weg.**

**Ich mag die Ruhe hier, zwischen all den Bäumen,**

**als ob es den Frieden auf Erden, wirklich gibt.  
Es ist ein schöner Weg, der unauffällig zu dir führt.**

**Ja, ich hab ihn gern, weil er so hell und freundlich wirkt.**

_(Die toten Hosen – Nur zu Besuch [translation would not work])_

_A.N. There is a quotation which does not original belong to me. In original it says "[...] Well all that´s no good. You see, ´cause none of those action will give me you." It belongs to the film "The Notebook" which I like (even if she choose the wrong guy, in my opinion), based on the same-called novel by Nicholas Sparks (which I sadly did not read yet, but I will soon)._

**Chapter 27: The man and the crowd**_Tom _

Everything started falling apart when I started work this week. Rebecca Townsend (our PR-manager) and Andrew Murray (my Co-coach) watched me with staring eyes the whole day.

Feeling uncomfortable, I managed to get out of the office only fifteen minutes after training ended.

Saying goodbye to some guys from the team, who stood in front of the building waiting for people, I went to see Jeanie, or at least that was I wanted to do.

It was Rebecca who held me back when I went to get in my car.

"Hey Tom", she said softly. "Can we talk?"

"Sure", I said.

We stood there for a while but neither of us said a word. Rebecca shifted nervously and I waited for her to start, when suddenly she blurted out,

"Tom, are you having an affair?"

I stopped breathing for a minute. Ignoring the nervousness in the pit of my stomach, I looked Rebecca in the eyes. "Why would you think that?" I was confused by my own words. I had wanted to say a simple no, but something in my mind told me that it wouldn't work.

"Andrew's wife says she saw you hanging around with a much younger woman."

There was a lump forming in my throat. Andrew's wife was a friend of Kate. What if she told her, too?

"That doesn't have to mean I'm having an affair, does it?" I tried to calm the situation.

"Tom..." Rebecca was a wonderful woman of 35 years. Dark hair, nice smile, wonderful body. But she´d never be anything else to me then a good mate. She lived with her girlfriend in an apartment in the centre and was one of the loveliest people I knew. When the accident happened, she watched the children.

"It´s not important. Really, Becky, you don´t have to get involved."

The expression on her face went from full of sorrow to angry.

"But I do", she simply said.

I sighed, running a hand over my face, trying to find words- god, trying to find _any _explanation that didn't sound like a blatant lie. I couldn't.

That´s why I told her that she wouldn´t understand and got in my car really fast.

For the first time in weeks, I didn't drive to Jeanie´s after work. I didn't drive home, either.

I drove to the hospital, walked to ICU, and sat down next to Charlie, before I started to cry.

I had took my son's hand, which laid still on the white blanket, watched the machines that kept him alive.

"I failed, Charlie. I really failed. You wouldn't be proud of me. I'm sorry."

He didn't answer. He never did.

I came home late that night, but I could still feel the prickling on the back of my neck, as if the whole neighbourhood looked out their windows to watch me walking up to my house. I could hear their voices in my head. Did they know what I had done?

I turned the key around slowly and opened the door as softly as I could.

The kids were nowhere to be seen, but the living room was bright, and I knew, I just _knew, _that Kate sat there, waiting for me to give her answers that I didn't have.

I took my jacket and shoes off, put the keys in the bowl they always were in, and took a short look at myself in the mirror.

What I saw, was an old man, who had had everything, and then nothing.

Kate was sitting on the sofa, which was the best seat to watch, but the TV was off. A glass of red wine stood on the table and it all reminded me of scenes in a thousand different films, all the same situation.

"Hey Kate," I said, because it felt like "darling" would sound too dishonest.

"Hey Tom," she replied without shifting her position. She just sat on the couch and watched me.

I sat down on the armchair, watching the blank TV spot. I didn't even turn around when I started to talk to her:

"You don´t have to ask me why I did this, because I don´t know the answer. You don´t have to ask me if I don´t love you anymore, because I can tell you, the answer is that I still do. If you want, I'll call her right now and tell her that we're never to see eachother again, or I could just never talk to her again now. Well all that´s no good, because none of those option will give me you."

She did not answer immediately. Then, suddenly, she stood up and went, but before leaving the room, she turned around once again.

"You will break contact with her and we pretend like none of this ever happened. The last thing this family needs is another tragedy."


	28. Neverending Story

**Chapter 28: Never ending story** _Kate _

**Chapter 28: Neverending story**_Kate _

After talking to Tom, I went to my desk in the study and sat down to write.

Honestly, I didn't write anything for the first ten minutes. I just sat there, head in my hands, trying not to cry. Because crying wouldn't make anything better.

Then I opened the laptop and the first chapter of my new story blinked up to my eyes. I had to laugh. Now the man in my story would find a sad woman, who's live slowly but surely broke into pieces. It would make him so sad.

But his story, it didn't end there. Because there were always new people telling him about their lives. He was a collector, and he threw all the bad stories away. Except mine.

Sometime later, Tom knocked at the door, but I didn't respond. What could I say to him, or better, what could be said that would make it better? I told him I didn't want to talk about it; I would pretend like he never told me. It was the only way I could handle this.

I remembered my phone call with Nora. I told her Tom would never do such a thing. But he did. And he admitted it. And now, I sat in front of a broken marriage, a broken family, and my hurt self.

Let´s imagine a happy ending, Kate, I told myself. Let´s imagine everything is fine.

Later that evening, I walked out of my room on my way to bathroom.

I passed by the rooms of Nigel and Jessica and I was surprised. Kim and Jessica sat together on the pink bedspread; Kim doing Jessica´s hair. Jessica was listening to Kim jabber on about nothing and she turned to smile at me.

I smiled back, happy that at least a few of us got their happy ending. And, suddenly, I remembered something from Midland, a little scene many years ago, seeming so far away. Like a different life.

Jessica and Kim were sitting on the bathroom floor, playing with eachother's hair. Kim had wanted me to let them use some make-up, so I had put some rouge on the four-years-old cheeks. They looked so happy, with their red faces, the little hands, and identical smiles.

I smiled sadly at the memory, when I realized, Jessica was talking to me.

"We heard you and Dad talking in the living room." She said it softly, like I was delicate and breakable. "Does that mean he had an affair?" Kim asked. It reminded me so much of a scene shortly after we moved here. Tom and I had argued and Jessica had asked if we were going to divorce now.

"I didn't want you to hear that" I couldn´t lie to them, but I didn't have to tell them the truth either.

"But we did." Kim´s words weren´t accusing, only speaking of the facts.

I took deep breath and entered the room. I sat down on the bed behind Kim, took another brush and made her hair like she was doing Jessica´s.

"What'll happen now?" Jessica asked.

I told them I didn't know. That the last thing Tom and I wanted was this family breaking down.

"I wish we could pretend it never happened."

Kim kept brushing Jessica's hair. Jessica turned around to face me, moistened her lips before saying some well chosen words.

"We all wish it never happened. But it did, and wishes are nothing." she glanced at her twin."I think that everything that happens, every talk you have in your life, every situation is a chance, to change." I followed Kim with my eyes, who stood up and walked over to her desk to put the hairbrush away. She looked like she was thinking of something.

I stood up and walked out of the room.

I was almost at the bathroom, when Jessica stopped me. Kim was not with her.

"I have to make a choice, too", she said. "And mummy, none of the options will be perfect, both mean loosing something. But I know that I have to choose."

She was only thirteen, but really smart.

When I went to bed, Tom was already asleep. It seemed, like he´d waited for me, still wearing in socks and with an open book in his hands, but that he had been to tired. Like a little child does, when the mother is at work and comes home late at night. But Tom was no little child, and the choices he did, were completely his and he had no excuse of having not been able to look forward what consequences his choices may have.


	29. Seen and Unforseen

_**First of all I have note that I uploaded the last chapter once again because there was a part MISSING.  
So everybody who already read the last chapter should read the last two passanges again.  
**_

_**Second thing is that I have to thank my beta **VladdieChica** and **Writer´s Solo **for reviewing.  
**_

_**Third thing is that I hope that next time there are more reviews. Actually I said, five reviews until I upload this chapter, but it looks as if it´s useless. So: Even if you don´t like what I wrote. Tell me. As faster as you review, I upload, and if you don´t like it, then tell me, perhaps I can do a better job then.  
**_

**Chapter 29: Seen and Unforseen**_Kyle_

"Mum knows."

When Nigel and I entered the kitchen Friday morning, those were the first words that greeted us. I looked for my twin's reaction and looked back to Kim, who´d told us.

"How?" I asked.

She shrugged and looked back at her cornflakes. Jessica, who sat next to her, had not even looked up.

"What do we do now?", I asked.

"Nothing."

Henry had appeared in the door, so suddenly that I jumped.

"Nothing?" I asked.

He shrugged, walked to the table and sat down for breakfast. "What could we do?"

"I dunno...something." I knew my words sounded stupid, but doing nothing seemed worse to me.

"I don´t think she'll do much about it", Jessica suddenly said. We all turned to look at her, but she stared down at her plate again, trying to ignore our gazes.

"She didn't say it, Jess, how many times do I have to tell you-", Kim started, but she was cut off by her twin.

"She won´t, okay! I know it, doesn´t matter how!"

That sounded like an argument. "Okay Jessica, no problem" Kim said. Her voice sounded angry.

"Girls", Henry said. "Stop this, please."

And they really stopped.

"Since when do you know?" Nigel asked then, sitting down next to Henry.

"They told me yesterday, so-" Henry started, but he also was cut off by Kim.

"Tuesday", she said.

"Tuesday?" Henry seemed confused. "Why didn't you tell us earlier?"

Jessica watched her plate but Kim looked back at her older brother and answered, "Be happy I told you at all."

"Listen, little girl, I´ve got a right to know that, they're my parents, too!"

"Don´t call me a little girl Henry!" Kim said, a furious look on her face.

"If you behave like one, I call you one." Immediately I knew that this would not end well.

"You have no right to demand that. You´re not Dad, Henry, and you're not Charlie either!" We all knew she wasn't thinking when she said that and, that she felt sorry for saying it immediately after the words came out of her mouth, but they were said. Henry hit the table with his fist, so strong that his plate fell on the floor.

"I know I am not one of them, I know that better than anybody else. And I sure wish more than anybody else that I wouldn't have to be the one who looks after this family! But the situation is as it is and you have to be okay with that Kim!"

With those words, he stormed out of the kitchen, passed Sarah, who had stopped in the floor when she heard our argument. She wanted to stop him, but he did not hear. When he went upstairs, she gave us an angry look and went after him.

It took me about five minutes to understand what had happened. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. I had no words for that; I was just an eight year old boy who stood in a kitchen which was too big for only four people who felt worse than ever before.

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	30. Going to Visit

_**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.**_

_**Many thanks to my beta **VladdieChica._

_**Many thanks to **Writer´s Solo. **It´s good to hear what you´re thinking about the story and my writing.  
**_

_**I hope you all enjoy this chapter.  
**_

_A.N.: At the end of the next chapter: Listening to _Und wenn ein Lied _from _Die Söhne Mannheims

_When Herny grabbs Jakes hand etc., and actually at the Charlie scene. In the video of the song you can see the artists sitting at a hospital bed of a woman lying in a coma. The song suddenly was played in the radio and it really fits. _

**Chapter 30: Going to visit **_Henry _

I didn't let Sarah in. I knew she just wanted to be friendly, but what good big brother would be able look into his little sister's eyes after he cried in front of her? And now I had another breakdown...

So, instead of talking to her, I planned to do something I should have done much earlier. I put on my shoes and went to the cemetery.

As it was still summer, the earth of the graveyard was covered with leaves. Because I´d never visited the grave for all those months, it took me about half an hour to find it- covered with white and violet flowers. The stone was grey and simple. The only things you could read on it were the facts. His name and the dates of life.

While I was standing there, hands in my pockets, I tried to imagine where he was now. I hoped that wherever he was, he could see me; he knew I was there.

Somehow I felt like I should say something, how I felt, because he was dead. What happened in my life the entire time he´d gone now, but I couldn´t. On the one hand, it seemed stupid to me and, seeing the two older women standing about twenty-five meters on my left side, I did not want to seem like someone insane. On the other hand, I did not know what to say. Shortly after Owen died, I imagined thousand things that should have been said before he left, but know, it all seemed unnecessary and in some way, false. And suddenly I had to bit my lips so I would not start crying. For a short moment I wondered why I did not do it, why I hold back the tears instead of letting them flow, no one would care here if I did, if anyone would see it anyway.

I don´t know what other people do when they lost their best friend and would never be able to see him or even talk to him again. I don´t know what other people may think of a eighteen year old guy, who did not get the death of his best friend out of their head, but who did not even visit his grave once. And actually it´s not important. The only thing that was important was that I was finally there.

It wasn´t like I missed his funeral, of course I´d been there. I had laid a flower on his grave and tried to say something, but in the end, I did not say a word. I just went away without looking back once. I wanted to leave it all behind; what happened to Owen at this party, what happened to Charlie and what happened to my family. What happened to me.

Now I had said it, I realized that it wasn´t possible to leave it behind.

And suddenly I remembered that it was my fault that Owen was dead. When he started this drinking contest with Duncan - Duncan who was much bigger then Owen so that everyone knew that Owen would be the loser – I told him not to do it, but he only turned around and told me, that he knew what he was doing. I should have pulled his t-shirt and drag him out of the house, away from this party. I should have screamed at him about what he thought of doing such stupid things- but I didn´t. I just watched him die in what now, looking back, seems like slow motion.

And suddenly – suddenly I was able to imagine what was going on in Jakes mind, in some way. Our positions were totally different, but in some way, they were the same.

"I´m sorry, Owen" I whispered and walked away.

When I entered the hospital, the plan was in my head, present and clear as if I would not have thought of anything else when I stood up this morning.

I walked to the youth psychiatry ward and asked for Jake's doctor.

The tag read Dr. Miller and he watched me seriously.

"So, what can I do for you?"

I gulped before I started to speak clearly.

"My name is Henry Baker, I am the brother of Jake Baker. I´m here to visit him, I – I want to take him to Charlie, our big brother."

Of cause, Dr. Miller knew who Charlie was. He knew the whole story and that was why he thought that seeing Charlie would only make it worse for Jake.

"He can´t even stand hearing the name of your brother", he told me, but I shook my head.

"I think it´s a good idea."

The doctor sighed and watched me. I knew I look like a responsible man and that was what made him think.

"So, there are two possibilities, aren´t there?" I explained. "Possibility one: Seeing Charlie will have some effect on him, making him realise that it´s not his fault or at least that dying would not change anything for Charlie. Possibility two: He can´t stand this all and feels bad about what happened to Charlie and can only think for it being his fault. You see, that would not be any change. So what would we risk?"

I had a point and that was why he let me do it.

Jake sat on the table when I entered the room. He just sat there and stared out of the window. When he´d been okay, he´d never been able to sit still. He´d liked skating or only running, listening to loud music and jumping on the bed until Mum got crazy. But that was old Jake and old Jake was gone.

He did not turn his head when I entered the room, so I walked over to him and stopped next to him.

"Hey, Jake" I said softly.

His head jerked up and he started at me like I was a ghost or something like that. "Hey", he answered.

On the table was a paper lying in front of him. Jake had a pen in his hand but the paper was empty.

"What´s that?", I asked.

He shrugged. "I´ve got to make a pro-contra list with everything that I like about my life and everything I want to change."

"Why it´s empty?", I asked carefully.

He shrugged again. "There´s nothing good", he said. "The task is stupid."

"I know something you could write on the pro side" I interrupted him. He had started to slowly drawing circles on the paper, but now he stopped and frowned, but he did not watch me.

"What?" he asked.

"I talked to your doctor. If you want, we can go see Charlie."

The drawing continued, now much faster. Jake did not look up and I saw him biting his lips.

It confused me. I had thought he would jump up or something when he heard the good news. But the paper only got more and more blue.

Then suddenly he stopped, gulped and looked at me.

"You think he would even want me there?" he asked.

I tried to ignore the wave of anger, guilt and sadness in my body and grabbed his hand, took the pen out of it and laid it next to the paper. "If he could, he would scream out loud for you, so you could hear it here" I said.

Jake did not let go of my hand the whole way to Charlie. But then, when I opened the door and went in, his hand suddenly slipped out of mine and he stopped at the doorway.

I turned around, only to see him watching Charlie, who laid white and motionless in the hospital bed. Jakes eyes hushed over the monitors, fear showing in it, and it took everything I had to not start crying. I reached out my hand for Jake's again to lead him into the room. It was then that I recognized that he was still wearing his blue psychiatry ward clothes and that his black shoes weren´t tied well.

There was an armchair standing next to the bed, because Dad always used it when he was here, and I sat down in it, placing Jake on my lap-like I did when he was little. I watched him reaching out for Charlie´s pale hand and let him rest his head on my shoulder.

We sat there in silence of the entire hour Jakes doc had allowed us to stay away. When we were about to go, I finally said what I was thinking:

"Charlie risked his life to save yours. If you died now, he would be lying here for nothing."

**_A.N.: Ah! My favourite chapter. It´s soooo kitschy, but I like it. Henry became my favourite in this story, I think.  
_**

**_Please leave a review and tell my what you´re thinking.  
_**


	31. Argumentation and Arguments

_**Hello everybody! I´m back (haven´t been away).**_

Just wanted to say thank you to my beta VladdieChica**. Thanks for the review, too. Yeah Sarah is the most realistic in some way. Her problem seems so "normal". **

_**Thanks to **Jazz248** for your reviews. Yes, I meant cigarettes. I read the expression years ago (I think in combination with Susan E. Hintons "The Outsiders", but I´m not quiet sure). As you see, this isn´t the Mark chapter, because I follow a - what can I call this - order, line?  
So Mark will be next, you can be sure. Tom´s always the first, and Mark is number six. I already wrote the chapter, so you don´t have to wait long. If you review this chapter (perhaps you like it, but you can leave a review, too, if you don´t like it and tell me what wasn´t so good) it only goes faster.**_

Many thanks to Secretkeeper**,too. It´s nice to hear that you liked the chapter. Here´s the next one.  
**

**Chapter 31: Argumentation and Arguments**_Jessica _

"Jess?"

I was putting the dishes into the dishwasher when Kim entered the kitchen. It was Friday evening and everyone else was in their rooms- except for Henry. He´d left after the 'incident' in the morning and hadn't come back yet.

I gave her a weak smile and turned back to my work again, but she came closer.

"You remember what I told you Saturday?" she asked.

"What exactly do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.

"About what it´s like to be cool."

I closed the dishwasher and poured some water in the sink for the big pot I had to clean. Letting the warm water flow over my hands, I licked my lips and answered "Yes".

She leaned on the counter and watched me doing my work while she was speaking.

"Can you keep a secret, Jess?" she whispered. She didn't have to whisper, there was no one except us, but she did which made the atmosphere tense. I turned the water off and answered "yes" one more time.

"Bryan asked me out"

My head jerked around. "Bryan? Bryan Good? The football hero?"

She nodded and watched me cleaning it.

"And I really want to go out with him."

"So you said yes?"

Suddenly, Kim started to smile sadly. "I can´t."

"Why not?"

"Because Cindy loves him."

"Does she?"

Kim nodded, laying her head in her neck to watch the ceiling.

"Friends cannot go out with the guys their friends like."

"He chose you."

Kim watched me for a moment before she shrugged. "When Cindy finds it out, she'll kill me."

"She doesn't have to know", I said.

Kim laughed. "Bryan would never go out with her.. You know, Cindy isn´t as cool she seems. Needs to go to a speech therapist. Sometimes, when she´s nervous, she starts to stutter and that´s why she can´t speak to Bryan. Then she gets nervous and -", she suddenly stopped, watching me horrified. "You won't tell anyone, would you? You can´t tell anyone that Cindy stutters sometimes! It´s not even bad stuttering, only when -"

"Calm down, who would I tell?", I asked. I wondered why I never noticed Cindy was stuttering.

"I don´t know -"

We paused for a while. Then I started to speak again.

"I still don´t get it", I said. "If it´s so hard to be friends with them, why you are then?"

"I don´t have anybody else, Jess, I don´t have anybody -"

"You´ve got me."

"No. No, I haven´t", she answered. "I lost you a long time ago. Perhaps things are a bit better between us, but, be honest Jess, outside, we´ll never be friends again."

You know that feeling when someone punches you into your stomach? Imagine it ten times harder any you know how I felt right now.

I had to let it ring thirteen times before Jodie Pepper answered the phone.

"Yeah?" she said sleepily.

"Hey Jodie, here is Jessica."

"Who?"

"Jessica Baker, from school, we talked a lot the last few days..."

"Oh! _That _Jessica! Hi. What´s up?"

Biting my lips before I continued, I watched the photo of me and Kim as eight year olds standing on my desk. I turned it around and talked:

"Cindy Jordan visits speech therapy because she stutters when she gets nervous." My heart beat faster than normal and I wrapped the cord of the phone around my finger.

"Re-really? Never heard her stuttering-"

"Kim told me so-"

"Great. Anything else?"

I took a deep breath before telling her about Bryan.

"Hmm – so it´s working – great – Jessica, do you know what we can do now?"

Actually, I had no idea.  
"Not really, Jodie."

"We can blame her like she blamed us all the time, make the people laugh about her -"

"That sounds really antisocial."

"Or we could wait until – we need more information Jess!"

"I don´t get this- what do you want with the information?"

"We need a plan -"

"What plan, Jodie, you sound crazy!"

"Do you want your sister back or not, Jess?"

"See- if we could only make her realize that Kim has got a date with Bryan. I don´t think their friendship would survive this. They would split up."

I did not say a word. If they would split up, Kim would perhaps turn back to me, like she started those days, but – there was this voice inside my heart that told me it was wrong, but the voice inside my head was Kim´s and all she was saying was _"to be honest, Jess, outside, we´ll never be friends again."_

"Do it", I told Jodie. "Do whatever you think's right."

When I put done the phone a minute later I rubbed my tired eyes and turned around. Then I let out a little scream. In the doorway stood Kim, looking furious.

"You-told-some-of-your-stupid-and-worthless-friends-about-everything-I-told-you-in-secret?"

I gulped. There was nothing to say, because she already knew the truth.

"Unlike you" I said "they thought it wasn't important."

"I'm not important?" She pointed on herself, frowned and stepped closer to me. "I am not unimportant. _I am someone! _Unlike you, my dear!"

For a moment, all I wanted to do was clench my hands around her throat.

"I thought I could trust you, Jess!" she started to scream, still standing in the doorway, looking even more furious.

"Why you should be able to trust your stupid, uncool sister, heh? The freak! The kid you better would like to forget, like your whole stupid, crazy family!" I had started to scream, too. Ignoring that Nigel and Kyle were now watching us from the opposite room. "Why you don´t go to live with your wonderful friends, that make you feel so happy and _free _because you don´t have to _act like a doll _there?"

"You don´t know a damn thing, Jessica Baker! You don´t know a whole thing. When it comes out that I told you those secrets, I am a dead person, no one will ever be my friend again and Cindy won't even go to sleep before the whole school thinks I'm the biggest freak in town!"

"You´re already a freak, Kim! Don´t you see that?" I settled my voice and took a deep breath. "You´re already a freak, one of the worst kind, those we never wanted to become..."

I watched Kim´s mouth open and close for a few times before she turned on her heels and got out of my sight. I let myself sink down on my chair and took my face in my hands.

"You´re okay, Jessica?"

I looked up to see my little twin brothers standing in front of me, worried impressions on their faces.

"No, I am _not_ okay. But who in this family is, huh?"

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	32. Whole holy Sunday

_Blablabla= Set in the past - Here the skip in POV is wanted!_

**_Many thanks to my beta _**_VladdieChica**.  
Many thanks to **Islanda **for reviewing. I hope you´ll like this chapter, too. And the Kim chapter s already written yet.**_

_**So if everybody reviews I´ll update the next chapter (Jake) soon. **_

**Chapter 32: Whole Holy Sunday **_Mark _

When the phone rang at 2 p.m., I raced downstairs and grabbed it from a very confused looking Kyle.

„Hello?", I asked while my heart pounded in my chest. I gave Kyle a sign to go away. He sighed, but went upstairs anyway.

On the other end of the phone was Lorraine. I sighed. I thought it might be for someone else. But thinking about it, the last thing I needed was for her to tell mom and dad I was failing class.

„Mark?", she asked quietly.

„Hi Lorraine." God, I sounded nervous. I _was _nervous.

„How are you?", she demanded and I could imagine her, sitting on her bed, the phone in her hand, starring out of the window of her perfect little apartment.

„I´m fine." I lied

„Have you been at school this week?"

_Entering the classroom was like entering a complete other world. Most of the other students were already there, talking to each other. Even though it all looked the same, it had some touch on it; something that made it new for him. _

_He sat down at his old desk and put out his books for Monday. He could feel their gazes, but continued staring at the blank blackboard, his feet tapping uncontrollably _

_The other kids lost interest pretty soon.. Others were coming in, some noticing him, acting confused, amused, others did not even seem to see him. _

„_Hey Baker", a voice next to him suddenly said and he turned around to face three of his classmates, Collin, Theo and Phil. _

„_Haven't seen you for a while" Collin said._

„_Haven´t been here for a while", Mark answered, gripping his pen and starting to move it between his fingers. _

„_We´ve got a new tutor", Collin announced. „Miss Nicols got herself pregnant. Our new tutor is Mr. Smith."_

_Mark gulped. Mr. Smith, their English teacher, was young, but strict. He surely would not leave him alone. Probably wanted to speak to him after class,_

_As soon as Collin had said it, Mr. Smith entered the room and the whole class went quiet. When he started to read the class list, it was almost too fast for Mark to react. _

„_Alberny, Katie." „Here."_

„_Andrews, Peter." „Here."_

„_Baker, Mark." „Here."_

„_Brown..." Mr. Smith head suddenly jerked up and he regarded Mark for what seemed like forever. A whisper went through the class and Mark started to drop his fingers on his desk. Then without comment, Mr. Smith looked back at his paper and continued. _

„_Brown, Anna." ..._

_Tutor group was over sooner as Mark wished for. He took his books and wanted to leave when held him back. _

„_Can I talk to you, Mark?"_

_Shrugging, as if he didn't, Mark stopped on his way out and watched the other students leave. _

_As soon as the last one left, pointed on the desk in front of the classroom and Mark sat down, his teacher instead placed himslef onto the tutors desk and regarded Mark for a while. _

„_You want to tell me something?", he asked then._

_Mark shrugged. „Dunno."_

„_Mark. You know that you missed so many lessons that it is impossible for you to move on middle school."_

„_Yeah I -I read the letter."_

„_And your parents read the letter, too? Because they did not talk to anyone about the problem."_

_Lying, Mark decided, would only make it worse._

„_I burned the letter before they could read it."_

_took a deep breath before he spoke again._

„_Then I´ll call them." No justifying, no questions, but it was bad enough, Mark decided._

„_Please don´t. I´ll do anything, but ...see, they´ve got enough other problems, they don´t need another one..."_

„_You should have thought about that before missing school. - There´s still the possibility of summer school, Mark", his teacher announced. „But your parents have to sign the paper."_

_For a moment, Mark watched the window before he turned his head to his teacher again. _

_He took a deep breath and closed his eyes._

„_Give me a week. I'll tell them, but give me one week. Sunday evening you can call them but, please, give me this week to prepare them."_

_Opening his eyes, he could see it work behind his teachers eyes. _

„_Sunday evening, I´ll call them. And don't you miss any more classes, Mark."_

„Did you tell them then?" Lorraine asked.

I shook my head no, before I realized she couldn't see it.

„I will, I promise."

„I don´t think you can wait anymore. Bye Mark."

„Bye."

The phone beeped for a while until I hung up, too.

„Who was that, Mark?"

Mum was standing in the doorway and I had no idea what she knew now.

„It was for me." She nodded and was about to turn around and go away, when I stopped her.

„Mum?"

„Yes, darling?"

„Where's Dad? I need to talk to you two."

**Please review. I know there are people who read this. Please just tell me what you think, because reviews are my bread and perhaps I can  
improve if you tell me how. **


	33. The coloured and the blackwhite bird

**_Hello everybody! Okay, I know it took some while, and I´m really sorry, but first I had a lot of other things on my mind and then I had no computer. So here´s the next chapter.  
_**  
_**Many thanks to **VladdieChica **for betareading all this.  
Many thanks to **Writer´s Solo **for reviewing. Good to hear you liked it, but I´m sorry to tell you, that you can´t see how Kate and Tom react for a while ...**_

_**And many thanks to **Islanda. **Oh, oh, a cliffhanger. Didn´t want to do this, because this chapter here is about Jake. But it´s good to hear that you liked the flashback.**_

Disclaimer: I do not own_ Cheaper by the dozen_.

Author´s note: A few bad words, but still not too bad.

**Chapter 33: The coloured and the black-white bird** _Jake_

„How are you feeling today, Jake?"

I watched the rain pouring down outside the window for a long time before I answered.

„I don´t know, Dr. Miller."

„What do you mean by that?"

Turning my head to look into his eyes, I shrugged.

„That I don't _know_ how I´m feeling."

He wrote something down.

„What are you writing down all the time?" I asked him.

„The things you say and what I think about them" Dr. Miller answered honestly, not looking up from what his notes."

"You write a lot down when I _don't_ talk to you, too"

His head jerked up and he smiled: "Not saying much can tell you a lot, Jake."

We became silent for a while.

„Your sister Lorraine is going to marry. Did you know that?", he suddenly said. I didn't answer; instead I leaned my head backwards and watched the ceiling. It wasn´t really interesting; just white everywhere you looked.

„I used to hate the rain", I suddenly started, not knowing where the words came from. „When it's raining, you can´t skate. But – you see – rain washes the dirt away, it just washes it away. Maybe that´s good.

„Yes, perhaps it is", Dr. Miller said.

„Remember this bird that hit the window the other day?", I asked him, but he said no, he did not remember.

„He couldn't see the window because it has no colour. So, the bird just thought there wouldn't be anything – I can´t even remember which colour it had _(A.N.: Actually I´m the one who can´t remember and I can´t look it up at the moment)_ and if he was even coloured at all or if he was just black and white."

„Does it matter to you?"

Leaning my head forward again, so I could face him, I shrugged.

„Not really. I just would like to remember."

„But there has to be a reason why you would like to remember..."

„No."

I heard him sigh. I knew he wanted me to talk about Charlie and my first visit at his hospital bed, because we had not spoken each other after, because it had been on Friday and now it was Monday and I hadn't spoken a word about it. Why should I? It was between Charlie, Henry and me. No one else had to care.

And if he could read my mind, Dr. Miller started talking about it.

„So – you visited your brother Charlie on Friday."

„Wasn´t as spectacular as you might imagine" I explained.

„How did you feel when you saw him?"

„Why're you always asking how I feel?"

„It´s my job."

„I thought that it would be the job of a mother."

Dr. Miller raised an eyebrow.

„Does your mother ask you about how you´re feeling?"

My eyes grew wide. "Maybe she stopped because I always lied."

I knew where this was going. At the end he would tell Mum that it was her fault that I ended up here, because she hadn't been there for me, and other shitty things that weren´t true.

„It´s not easy for her to have a son who´s insane", I tried to explain.

„You´re not insane, Jake."

Suddenly I had to laugh. This man was going to tell me that I wasn´t insane? Hell, why I did I have to sit here with him, a psychiatrist, then?

„Eat shit."

„I don´t think that would be really tasty, but we lost the red line: I wanted to know how you were feeling when you say Charlie."

„Guilty ", I mumbled.

„I did not catch that, Jake."

„Guilty", I said louder, almost too loud. „I felt guilty. Shall I spell it? G-U-I-L-T-Y." Why did the fucking tears come now?

„Why did you feel guilty?" he inquired, but he already knew the answer.

„Because I'm the reason he´s here! I'm the reason he lies in a coma. I ..." My voice broke.

„What do you mean you're the reason he´s here?"

„I already told you a thousand times! If I'd just pais attention, he wouldn't have jumped in front of that car to save me. He would not lie in a coma and my family would still be a real family."

„Wasn´t it his own decision to save you, even by risking his life?"

Hadn´t Henry said such a thing, too?

„I know. I can´t die, because then his work would be good for nothing, but – it hurts so much – it really hurts. It´s not fair that he sleeps his life away and I´m still here."

"_Hey Jake, catch it!"  
He turned around to see Mike, throwing something.  
Then there was this squeak of wheels, something pushed his chest and the next thing he knew was that he was lying at the roadside everything he could see was a big, red car.  
His heart was pumping faster than normal and his breathing was clipped.  
His brain could not work, he didn't know what just happened.  
Screams surrounded him, a big chaos. He blinked a few times, but still the only thing he could see was this car.  
Suddenly something grabbed his shoulder.  
_"_Jake! Oh my God, Jake, you´re okay?"  
Piece after piece his comprehension came back to him. He was on the street, his mother hugged him and there was the big, red car in front of him, the passengers door in front of his eyes.  
His gaze went around and he saw a lot of people standing a few meters away, there, where the car´s front was.  
And between all those people, laid his brother Charlie, unconsciousness, in a puddle of blood._I woke up with a soft scream, my heart bouncing, my skin wet from sweat, my lips and arms trembling.  
I stood up to watch myself in the dark window. I was almost as white as Charlie. Only my lips were much more red than his.

The door was locked, so I had to ring the bell and wait for the nurse.  
„What´s wrong Jake? Another nightmare?" She was really friendly.  
„I would like to call someone."  
„It´s in the middle of the night, can´t it wait until tomorrow morning?" she asked.  
„No. Please, I just want to call someone."  
She sighed and smirked. „Only this one time, Jake."

They let me use the phone in front of the nurse office. With trembling fingers I dialed the number of my home. It rang twenty-three times until someone answered.  
„Hello?", a sleepy voice said.  
„Hi Mum", I whispered.  
„Jake! How are you doing? Shouldn´t you be in bed? But you´re alright, aren´t you? ..."  
„Mum! Stop it, Mum – I – is Henry at home?"  
She was disappointed, because I wanted to speak Henry and not her, I could tell that, but she answered yes.  
„Can you give him the phone, please? I need to speak to him."  
„Of course. Give me a second."  
There was a clock on the wall. Mum needed one minute and 47 seconds to get him.  
„Jake?" Henry asked sleepily.  
„Why didn´t you tell me that Lorraine´s going to get married?"  
It took him a while to answer: „Ummm...you didn't seem to care, Jake."  
„I wanna see her get married."  
„Oh-"  
There was a huge silence, exact twenty seconds, before he spoke again: „I think, Dad already talked with the doctor about it -"  
„And? Am I allowed to come?"  
„That will show -"  
„Show when?"  
„When the doctor says."  
Doubts were forming in my mind. „I don´t like the doctor that much, Henry", I explained.  
„He´s a good doctor, Jake."  
„I want to see Lorraine getting married. I wanna come home."  
I could hear Henry breathe, but I could not tell if it was a sigh or a yawn.  
„Okay", he said then. „But – even if you´re allowed to come, you can´t stay. You´ve got to go back until the doc releases you."  
„But for a few days, I can go home?"  
„I hope so, Jake."

**Please review. **


	34. Planning

**_Okay, my beta sent me the controlled version again, so here it is. Some way I believe that it´s the same version as before, but just to be sure I updated it again.  
_**_Warning: Slow mentioning of loving actions. But it´s not bad. _

**Chapter 34: Planning **_Lorraine _

"Okay, the whole family...Mum, Dad, grandpa and nine of my siblings - "

"Ten."

Sarah, Nora and I were sitting in the kitchen of our parents home, planning the marriage again. Today was the last day the invitations could be sent out. There were only two weeks left until Will and I would be married. We were already extremely late with most things, but I had already phoned everyone, so they knew about the wedding.

"Ten? What do you mean by that?"I asked Mom, who had just entered the kitchen and explained that there would be ten of my siblings coming. It made no sense.

"Jake´s coming. He called and said he wants to see you getting married. The doctor allows it, so your dad said yes."

"Ehm -" None of us knew what to say.

"Yeah",I said it then. "So, Ten of my siblings, Wills parents and his brother, my friends from school, I wrote down six here -"

"You think it´s a good idea?"

My head turned around really fast to see Sarah watching our Mum with big eyes. It shocked me. From all of us, I thought Sarah would be the person who would be the happiest because Jake was coming to my marriage.

"Why shouldn´t it?" Mum answered a bit too fast and turned around to the counter again. Her back shook a bit and I gave Sarah a "did-you-have-to-do-that"-look, but she ignored me and stood up to lean at the counter and continue to talk to Mum.

"I mean – see – do you think it will be good for any of us? You don´t know what he´s going to do -"

"The doctor says he's doing better these days."

The enormous strength with which Mum cut the vegetables was frightening and Nora and I gave each other a look.

"You already have gotten the flowers, Lorraine?" Nora then asked.

Not paying much attention, I nodded and tried to give Sarah a sign to sit down again, but my little sister didn't move an inch.

"Mum!"Sarah´s voice hall trough the kitchen and I wondered how a person as small as her could cry out so loud. "It´s not that I don´t want him here. I just – I don´t want anything to happen."

She twitched her foot nervously and moved from side to side.

"Nothing will happen."

"How can you be so sure? You even said that nothing was wrong when he took all those meds – said it was an accident – holy shit Mum, face the facts!"

"Sarah Alison Baker! Do not use words like this when you´re talking to me!"  
It finally happened. A nice and calm, pretty normal-seeming afternoon changed into a horrible scene within minutes.

"I use the words I want when I´m talking to you – just continue to not care." With these words, Sarah ran up the stairs and into her room.

Nora sighed. "I´m going after her."

When Mum and I were alone, Mum finally broke down. She put the dish she was washing into the sink and sat down, head in her hands.

"I don´t know what to do, Lorraine", she whispered. "I don´t know what to do. I´ll give up, that´s the best thing, just give up."

"No – Mum", I grabbed her arm, wishing she would look at me, but I was too afraid to tell her, because on the other hand, I did not want to see the tears in her eyes. "We´ll get through this. We´re still a family. We can do this. Everything will be fine."

"I don´t know Lorraine -"

"_It will be fine._"

"That´s not what I meant – it´s – I doubt we´re still a family."

Planning the marriage was good. It kept me from thinking about all those things, kept me from falling apart like Mum, kept me from thinking about Dad having an affair, Jake being so depressed that he wanted to die, it kept me from getting angry with anybody and everybody like Kim and from running away like Mark. And it kept me from thinking of Charlie. Charlie, the big brother I would have needed so much those days, and who wasn´t there.

Planning the marriage was my way to keep it all in control, and when I was honest, I was no inch better then Mark, because this was _my way of running away. _

Will came home early this evening, kissed my cheek and took the paper with all the things that needed to be done out of my hands.

"I´ll take you to dinner tonight", he said softly, leaning forward so that our noses almost touch each other. His strawberry blond hair was mussed and his tie not tied well anymore.

"Let's stay at home", I answered and kissed him back. Then suddenly, I put him in my arms, and kissed him more intensive, his well shaved skin touching mine. I let my hand go under his shirt and whispered softly that I wanted sex with him, immediately. It took him not five seconds to decide, that it was a good idea. He put me up in his arms and carried me into the sleeping chamber, where we laid down, kissing on and on, and got rid of our clothes.

While he kissed every part of my body, I forgot all the other things. I was happy this moment, and it was all that counts.


	35. Search queens crown, give own honour

_**everybody: I UPDATED 2 CHAPTERS AT ONCE.  
Because I´m gone for the next four weeks and I don´t want you to have to wait so long. So don´t miss chapter 34.  
Many thanks to my beta **VladdieChica._

_Author´s note: Stupid chapter. I don´t like the beginning myself, but I can´t do it better. And the end seems overdramatic to me. _

_Ah! Bad words in this!_

**Chapter 35: Search queens crown, give own honor**_Kim _

It happened so fast, I didn't have time to stop it.

It was our tutor group class, which means that we were all together. Jessica and her friend Steve sat at the window and I swear Jessica refused to look at me.

But, the confusing thing was that Jodie Pepper suddenly got up and met with Bryan Good, the next generation football star. That he even talked to her. However, suddenly Jodie raised her voice and spoke so loud that the whole class, including all of Brian´s friends, some of the rocker guys and girls in the last row, Jess and her friend Steve, Monica and me, and of course, Cindy:

If I were you, I wouldn't go out with Cindy, even if she is madly in love with you. I mean, when she stutters, how will you understand a word she says?"

All heads jerked up and watched the two completely different people in the middle of the room. Then suddenly, as if they were commanded to, all eyes turned to Cindy, which, how I sadly recognized, looked angry on the one hand, but on the other hand, as if she was about to cry, and then started to counter. If it was even a counter, because, no one could understand it.

"I...d...d...do...o...n...n...ot...t...t, w...wha...aat...shhh..." She did not make it any further. The whole class broke into laughter, Cindy´s face was red like a tomato, but Jodie did not stop.

"What did you say? I´m sorry, but I did not understand it", she said loud and slowly, as if she was speaking to a dumb person. "I am sorry, Cindy, but, I don´t know if this school is the right place for you, if you cannot even speak. Perhaps we should send you back to kindergarten? Then you can learn how to speak right. But on the other hand, you always seemed so grown up. Do you wear the same clothes as your puppets?"

The sarcasm in her voice was deep and hurting. Cindy opened her mouth, and then she closed it without even bring out one needful word, all you could hear was her stuttering, worse than ever.

Then, she turned on her heels and flew out of the classroom.

I watched her running for a while. I felt so sorry for her.

When I turned my gaze back to the classroom, for a moment, I caught the gaze of Jessica. But she turned away from me so fast that I wasn't even sure, if there had really been this ashamed expression on her face, or if it was just imagination.

After tutor group, I rushed out of the classroom to look for Cindy. Monica tried to follow me, but her high heels were not made for running.

"Kim! Wait for me!"

"What?" I turned around and looked at her angrily, but I didn't mean to. That wasn´t her fault. It was mine, and mine alone. So I let her stand where she was.

After running through the whole school _twice_, I finally stopped at the toilettes, went in and looked at myself in the mirror.

I watched my well made hair, and the whole make-up on my face. The much too red lips, the excessively curved eyelashes, my green top with the low neckline. And suddenly, I understood what Jessica had wanted to tell me so often. This was not me.

It was some girl who lost her sense of humanity, her wish to change the world. A girl who worked so hard to be something better then all this girls who looked only an inch better then a hooker, and who were happy, when someday a rich, but stupid man picked them up and made them their wife, so that they never needed to think about anything again, not that they had ever thought in their life before.

I grew into one of these girls who everyone knew, who everyone loved now, but who were nobody in ten years. And in twenty years, when they had a couple of kids, they would not even be pretty anymore. They would start to wear too much make-up, like they did when they were teenagers, eat too much and grow fat until they would stop eating and make one diet after another, wishing they could for once look like they did as a teenager again. And their kids would be stupid, spoiled little robots who, when they would be teenagers hate their mum: Me.

I forced the tears to stay back, when I heard a sob that did not come from me.

Turning around, I saw that someone sat on the floor of one of the cubicles.

I knew those shoes, the perfect designer jeans. I went up to the cabin, let the door fly open and looked down at Cindy.

She looked up to me, mascara smeared on her face and tear tracks running down to her jaw.

"You s...s...still...w...wannnnna s...see me?"

I got down on my knees in front of her and nodded slightly.

"I´m sorry", I whispered, because it all was my fault.

"Why?", she sobbed.

"Because I´ve got no hanky", I answered fastly.

I´m sure, all my family members would have let out some sort of laughter now, but Cindy didn´t. With a _tse_, she wiped away her tears and suddenly sounded like always, when she spoke again.

"How could she know, huh? I swear I was gonna kill her, but before, I'll find out which stupid bastard told her about my stuttering."

I did not want to, but I had to tell her about.

"Cindy – I – Jessica and me, we suddenly talked a lot to each other and then, I was a bit mad at you and – it just spilled out! I´m so sorry. I´m so damn sorry."

It was like in a bad movie, how her expression changed. Suddenly, she got up, and kicked me a bit, so I fell completely on the floor.

"You fucking S.O.B.!", she cried. "I trusted you! You were my best friend. You fucking bitch! I swear I gonna kill you!"

"I´m sorry. I am so sorry. Please Cindy, come on, let me explain -"

Still sitting on the floor, I reached out for her hand, but she turned around and went to the door.

"You´re a dead woman, Kim Baker, I swear. I trusted you. Don´t you ever speak to me again!"

With those words, she left me.

So finally, I was where I belonged. I sat on the cold floor of a school toilette, messed up, with nobody left at my side.


	36. Angry Old Man

_**A.N.: Mike is just 10 years old in this story, maybe 11. I don´t know if a 11-years-old´s mind works like I wrote it, but in some way noticing all this things he marks is possible for every kid, because kids aren´t so stupid as some adults might think – they can be really clever. **_

_**Many thanks to my beta **VladdieChica**. And many thanks to **Islanda** for reviewing.  
**_

**Chapter 36: Angry Old Man **_Mike _

Even if I didn't know what was wrong, I would have been scared seeing Dad so angry.

It was Thursday evening, next Sunday there would be a wedding in our house. An hour ago – still working at seven p.m. - the workers who arranged everything made the house looking like a white and green princess castle.

Normally I would have said that it sucked, but – in some way – I started to like the way the house looked. Tidied up, clean – not like the Baker house at all. That was the fact of the matter. It didn't look like it would be our family's, but some other, rich, cultured guys, those who have white wine with the fish (_A.N.: This sentence is taken form dinner for one) _and wear golden rings and satin underwear. We were living in another world.

For one week and three days, we could flee from our lives.

But we couldn´t. Because, even if the outside looked like a glass castle, like a house of a fairy, inside lived still the same family we were all those months before. And when Dad ordered Nigel, Kyle, Mark and me into the living room, with a look on his face like he was sending you to hell, I remembered that everything around us wasn't who we were.

"So -" , he said. "So…"

I almost that "What?", but smartly I shut up. It would just anger him more. His forehead moved, there was this vein that pulsed in rhythm to his heartbeat.

"You -" he pointed at Mark, the twins and I and took a deep breath. "You four need to explain a lot."

Oh. That.

I didn't actually think that Mum and Dad would ever noticed that Nigel, Kyle and I had got detention over detention, that we were failing school, that the director had a talk with me about it – but some way they did. No idea what Mark had done, though.

"Detention. _Detention, _Mike! How many times did you get detention the past two months?"

"Ermm … math isn't my best subject you know… I stopped counting but for the past week I tried my best to do OK at school and I didn't get anymore detentions." Because I promised the director and Henry.

"But why did youget so many before, honey?" Mum asked. "I know it´s not easy for you nowadays, but what did you do -"

"Nothing."

Nigel and Kyle laughed a bit.

"Mike!" Dad screamed so loud that the neighbors must have heard it. "Just tell your mother the truth."

I watched my feet while I mumbled that I pulled pranks the teachers, ignored them, played games during classes – a lot. "School´s boring", I ended.

But I started to play hockey there. It had been only once, because there weren´t so many practices, but I did. And hockey wasn´t boring. I told them.

"That´s – that´s good Mike, but you need to -" Suddenly the phone rang and Mum left the room.

"The thing is" - it was scary how red Dad´s face was. "that I am disappointed. And – I don´t know -"

"Tom!" Mum called him from the floor.

"What?" He was still angry.

„Come here, please."

„Why?" Every second he could not yell at his sons seemed to be another tick of a time bomb.

"There´s something wrong with Charlie"

**Okay guys, I´m really sad. Four weeks and I get one review? Even if you hate what I write, can´t you tell me?**

**Please review.  
**


	37. Staying

**_Many thanks to my beta_**_ VladdieChica** . **_

_**Many thanks to **Thecheeseluver12** for reviewing. Sadly, you won´t get to know what happened to Charlie in this chapter, but I hope you´ll enjoy nevertheless.**_

_**Many thanks to **Secretkeeper **for reviewing. As I told Thecheeseluver12, you need to wait some time until you know what happened, but I hope, you like the next chapters.**_

_**Many thanks to **Islanda.** Hey, it´s great that you always review! Yes, Mike isn´t doing well at school, and for a long time, no one noticed. We will see what happens to Charlie.**_

_**And many thanks to **dolphinsstarmidfield23**. It´s good to hear that you like my story.  
**_

**Chapter 37: Staying **_(Nigel) _

They rushed out of the house like the devil was chasing them.

We four, Mark, Kyle, Mike and me, could only look at each other, confused and scared.

_There´s something wrong with Charlie._

Whatever was wrong with him, it couldn´t be anything good. My heart beat twice as fast as normal. I could feel the tears coming, but I didn't let them fall. Instead, I put my shoes on and ran.

You remember what I told you about running? That it makes you free? It really does, it frees you from everything, especially bad thoughts.

I ran the long way, not the short one. I suddenly stood at the edge of the neighbourhood which Dad forbid us to enter because _It would be our death, literally if we weren´t so lucky. _I had no idea what literally meant, but it didn't sound any good.

I stared at the alley in front of me. It seemed darker than the other streets. I took a deep breath, but I didn't budge. I just stood there for a long while. Then I shrugged and ran into the alley.

My heart was racing and I tried to ignore everything around me. The old man here, the strange young fellow over there. And then, suddenly, I had left the area and was back on the roads I knew. Nothing had happened. I turned around and watched the alley.

I stayed there for a long time. Then I left.

I did not want to run home, because when I thought of home I felt sick and suddenly I really wanted to puke. But I tried my best not to.

I just ran and suddenly, I realized I didn't know where I was. I was lost. I was a ten year old boy lost in a huge city.

First I wanted to cry, but then I became angry. Why did my parents not care where I went when I was running? Why did they let me go?

Why did Dad not drive me to the stadium so I had to run there? Why did Mum not tell me "don´t run too far" give me a hug, and keep track of how long I was gone? I really wanted a hug now. She should tell me that everything was okay and that we would walk home together, but she wasn´t here and it made me sad. And it made me angry. And it made me feel something I really couldn't describe.

I took a deep breath and ran home.

When I entered the house, I recognized Kim and Jessica sitting on the couches in the living room as far away from the other one as possible - and Kim was crying. I wanted to go, but Jessica gave me a pleading look. So I stayed.

The clock on the wall ticked and I got nervous. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Couldn´t stand it. Wanted to go.

Every now and then I thought about giving the still-sniffling Kim a hug, but I could never get the courage. _Stupid, Nigel, _I thought _since when you need to be brave to hug your sister? _

I remember Henry coming home, and then Nora. And I remember Dad calling. But that´s all. I don´t know what else happened. I just remember waking up in my own bed, wearing my pyjamas, and for a moment-just a split second- I thought that everything had just been a terrible, realistic nightmare.

**Please review.**


	38. The foolishness of a heart

I am still there!

**_Hey guys, sorry it took me so long, but my beta did not answer. Seems like she has some problems with the computer. Normally she´s really reliable, but she did not even downloaded the new chapters I sent her. Short: Every mistake inside is mine and mine alone. XD_**

**_I hope that you did not give up on me because it took so long.  
_**

**_Many thanks to _****all the reviewers. **

**__****Islanda: I think you need to wait some other chapters until you know what´s wrong with Charlie (I think it will be the Tom chapter)**

**__****THEcheeseluver12: Thank you for the review. Hehe...update soon, okay I am sorry it took such an eternity.**

**__****strawberry-sunset194: Thanks for the review. Yeah, it´s good Jake changed a bit, huh? **

**__****fussyrussy: 100 reviews, yeah!  
**

**Chapter 38: The foolishness of a heart** _(Sarah)_

During lunch on Thursday I sat down next to Joe Jefferson. He looked up and said „Hello".

„Hi", said I. „What about Cappi´s today?"

He watched his plate again, picked his potato more then three times, moved it through the sauce and looked up then again. „Why you want to go out with me?", he asked.

„I like you."

He nodded, then he let out a soft laughter and looked down on his plate again. While eating his potatoes, he seemed to think about it and my heart suddenly hurt when I recognized that there was only one reason why he thought for so long. He did not like me.

„We don´t need to go to Cappi´s", I said then. „What would you like to do?"

„I wanted to do roller skating this afternoon."

„Can I come with you?"

He shrugged. „If you want to."

„Shall we meet at the hall?", I asked. He shrugged again. „Sure."

„At three p.m.?"

„Okay. But I´ve to go to work at six."

„No problem."

At quarter to three I stood in front of the hall and waited. Joe came at five minutes to three, from the inside.

„Hey, did you wait long?", he asked.

I shook my head and we went inside.

He lent me the skates which was really nice and he wanted to help me into them, but, hey, I´m Sarah Baker, I can do this.

Music from the fifties and sixties (I think it were the fifties and sixties) came out of big loud speakers, a few people were on the floor to skate but most of the (really not much) people were sitting at the tables round the floor. Someone called Joe´s name and he waved at him, but I did not see who it was.

Skating through the disco light was adorable.

The flash lights walked around the floor, the music sounded calmly once and then again it pushed you up. Joe was a really good skater. He showed me some moves and then I showed him some tricks I normally do on skates on the streets.

„You´re good", he told me.

„I´m not as good as Jake." The words flushed out of my mouth and after I recognized what I´ve said, I clashed my hand over my mouth and stopped skating.

„What´s wrong?" Joe gave me a worried look.

_I´m sorry. _I wanted to say when I recognized, that Joe did not knew Jake. Not really, perhaps a bit, but – he had no emotional bounding to him. He had no emotional bounding to my family at all.

He had came in front of me and took my hand. „You´re looking pale. Are you okay?"

Nodding, I tried to move on, but suddenly I fell down, or, I would have fell down if Joe would not have caught me before I hit the floor.

„Perhaps you should get some fresh air", he said and took my hand to lead me off the floor. He helped me putting my skates off and lead me out into the cold air.

Escaping the sticky air in the hall I took a few deep breathes before I calmed down.

„Everything alright?"

Joe really was worried about me. That was strange. No one was worried about me.

„Yeah, everything alright", I told him, but he did not seem to be convinced.

„Come on", I told him. „Let´s just walk a while."

We walked through the streets, I forwards, he backwards, regarding me, his hands in his pockets, following every step I took.

„What´s your favourite colour?", he asked.

„What?"

„What´s your favourite colour?"

I had to laugh. „Why do you want to know this?"

He shrugged. „Perhaps to learn something about you." Suddenly he started to let every third of his steps being a jump. It looked adorable.

„What are you doing?", I laughed.  
„Jumping. But you´ve not answered my question."

Raising my eyebrows I regarded him sceptically.

„I wanted to know what your favourite colour is", he remembered me.

„I don´t know. Blue perhaps."

„You don´t know?" He had stopped jumping but he still walked backwards so he could watch me.

„I don´t think it´s so important."

Joe´s head jerked up and he regarded the sky. „The sky is blue. So, it´s important, because, if you like blue, you like the sky. But what if you´re favourite colour is – pink. What do you like then? Pink panthers?"

I stopped walking and watched him for a while. He did not notice that I stood still now, because he still watched the sky and walked on.

„Blue was my brother Jake´s fav colour."

Joe did not stop walking immediately. He became slower first, with every step before he stood completely still. He turned his head to look at me again and asked:

„And why that´s important for blue being your favourite colour?"

„Because – just because."

My head jerked around, away from him, to hide the tears that were coming. My hands were formed to wrists and I bit my lip.

„You´re sad Sarah?" He asked it so innocent as a child and for a moment he reminded me of Mike.

I started to shook my head. „No – no. I had a lot of fun today. It was great."

Suddenly he was there, standing in front of me. He took my chin and made me look at him with a soft force.

„I did not want to make you cry. I´m sorry. Perhaps you should go."

But I shook my head again. „I don`t wanna go."

I watched him, not crying anymore. „I would like to stay with you."

He smiled softly. „And what would the lady like to do?"

Behind the lake in the park was a little wood. So small that – actually it were just a few trees standing there. Waiting for the end of time. Joe took me there and we sat down on the floor, so we could watch the lake.

We sat there in silence, in the shadow of the trees and I felt calm.

A few ducks were walking in front of us and I had to laugh because they really looked stupid the way they were walking.

„You´re okay now, Sarah?"

I nodded and turned my head to face him. Joe Jefferson looked good. He had dark eyes and something childish but still he looked like a boy of seventeen years. His skin was a little too pale, but I think it just seemed so because his hair was so dark.

And suddenly, in the shadow of the trees, I kissed him. It was a short kiss. So short that in the next moment I could not tell if it had been real, but he kissed me back. Only once.

Then he took my hand and watched the lake again.

When I came home I had only one hour to be ready for my date with Bobby Urban.

I put on my sexiest top and some make up and then the bell rang.

Taking one last look into the mirror I walked down the stairs slowly, seeing mother opening the door. I was glad my father wasn´t at home now for a moment, because I thought he sure would gone crazy seeing Bobby being my date, but then I told myself that, actually, Dad would not have cared anyway. No one cared.

Bobby did not have „prepared" in anyway, he still wore the same old lether jacket he wore everyday and a worn out jeans. But he smiled when he saw me.

„You look good", he said.

„Thanks."

„I did not change much", he said, „but hey – we´re going in a movie. The cinema´s dark, huh?"

I nodded and he leaded me outside to his car, an old, black one which looked – damaged.

„Wow", I said.

He just grinned and opened the door for me.

We drove in silence because, whatever he said, I was not able to answer and so he gave up.

Entering the cinema he had grown so silent that I was getting worried. Bobby Urban could not be silent.

„I´m sorry I didn´t said so much back in the car, I -"

„It´s okay."

I waited in front of the movie room while Bobby bought popcorn and coke.

Some guy was cleaning the carpet and suddenly I recognized it was Joe.

All I could do was starring at him and then he looked up and saw me.

„Ehm-", I made.

„Hey", he said, „what you´re doing here?"

Lie, lie, lie! My head told me.

„I am -"

Suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder from behind and I got a shock. But it was just Bobby.

„Hey Jefferson, you work in a cinema?", he greeted Joe.

Joe looked from me to Bobby and from Bobby to me before he answered.

„Yes, I do."

Bobby nodded. Then he talked to me. „Shall we go in?", he asked.

All I could do was nodding, but when we turned around, I still looked at Joe and wanted to make him clear that this, this between Bobby and me, that this was nothing.

I could not concentrate on the film. I definitely couldn´t.

My head was working to much, thousands of thoughts flew around.

„I need a toilette", I told Bobby and left the hall.

Outside I could not find Joe anywhere. I wanted to explain everything to him, but I did not found him, so I really walked to the toilette.

Inside, I watched at myself in the mirror for a long while. My whole face, my robe. I took some water and splashed it over my face, then I starred again.

Suddenly there was a knock.

„Sarah? Are you in there?" It was Bobby.

I did not answer.

„Sarah?"

„Yes, I´m here."

Silence. But only for a moment.

„Are you okay?", he asked and he really sounded worried.

„Yes, I am."

„You come out then?"

I shook my head, but then I noticed that he could not see it. Taking a deep breath, I wondered what was wrong with me. I did not find an answer, so I walked over to the door and opened it.

Bobby really stood in front of it and he really looked worried.

„You´re really okay?"

I nodded. Breathing out loud, I leant at the door and watched him.

„What?", he said.

„Nothing." And I watched my shoes.

„Don´t lie, Sarah. I know there´s something wrong – is it about this date? Do you wanna go home?"

My head jerked up. „No!", I almost screamed.

Bobby´s shoulders raised and fell down then, and he licked his lips.

„Is it about Joe Jefferson?"

I did not want to look at him. „Perhaps – but, Bobby, I -"

„You don´t need to explain." He was sad, I could tell that. He did his best to hide it, but I saw it.

He was really sad. So I raised my hand and stroke his chin. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. „Sarah -"

„Shh-", I said.

He could not destroy this moment. Because in this moment, Bobby Urban looked so sweet and innocent and – hot. I wondered why he wasn´t like this in school and what made him built up the walls he built up. My fingers stroke his chin, then my thumb found his lips. They were soft.

„May I kiss you?", I asked.

His eyes opened immediately and he frowned. „Would you really wanna do this?", he asked.

I did. I really wanted to kiss him. And I did. Once, twice, then the kisses became longer. I pulled his shirt and leaded him into the toilette where I threw him at the wall and kissed him deeply, he answered my kisses, stroke my hair, then his hands moved upwards until they found the button of my shirt. It felt good, it felt so endless good.

But suddenly, he stopped and I opened my eyes. He watched me sadly and bit his lips.

„What?", I asked. My breath was sharp. My heart beat twice as fast as normal and I hoped with all my possibilities, that it wanßt because he did not found me attractive.

„I – I like you Sarah", he said. „I really do. I just don´t wanna destroy this. And I don´t want you to do something you´re not really sure if your really want to do it. It´s our first date and -"he took a deep breath - „I thought it could be something normal. Normal for everyone, but – special for me. I don´t want you to be any girl."

I moved backwards to regard him from the distance. He said the truth, I decided.

But I had no idea what to do with the truth. So I gave him a quick kiss and ran off.


	39. A night covers all

_**Hello! Next chapter. All mistakes are mine. Remember I am no native speaker.**_

_**Many thanks to **Islanda **for reviewing. Yeah Sarah needs to decide, the only problem is, that I can´t decide neither. Who is nicer, Joe or Bobby?**_

_**Many thanks to **THEcheeseluver12** for reviewing. Good to hear that you like the chapter. So you like Joe better?  
**_

**Chapter 39: A Night covers all **_ Nora_

"_There´s something wrong with Charlie. We need to go to the hospital. Would you look after your siblings, please?"_

Mums words still were in my head, present, aloud, when I stepped on the doorway to my parents house. I licked my lips and gulped before I rang the bell, trying to be as strong as possible. Not because I could not be weak, but because I had to be strong for my siblings.

It was Jessica who opened the door, her hand around the doorknob was trembling and when she tried to smile, her face looked like a horror movie.

Suddenly she fell around my neck and whispered: "He has to be fine. He has to. There´s no other way." She was right, there was no other way, but my feeling was so bad that – I wished I could lie about it.

Mike and the younger twins sat in the living room, all watching me with big eyes.

"Hey guys", I said. "Wanna have pizza tonight?"

Nigel started to nod when Mike hit his side.

"No", he said.

"Or some pasta. Shall I cook something?"

"No", Mike said again. It made me even more nervous then before.

"Then we play a game, huh? What would you like to play?"

"Rabbit - ", Nigel started, but Mike gave him a look.

"I don´t wanna play", he said.

"Oh, come on. Let´s play. We can´t sit here and do nothing."

Mike did not look at me, but Nigel nodded. "Then we play 'Rabbit in a Box'."

It was dark outside when we finished the game and I sent Nigel and Kyle to bed. Jessica had cooked tea and Mike sat at the table, starring into nothing.

I found it complicated to look inside his head. He was eleven now, but, I had no idea how a eleven years old mind works. I knew he understood a lot, but not how much.

But the words "There´s something wrong with Charlie" are easy to understand. Even Nigel and Kyle understand them, also they are young enough to ignore it.

"Where´re the others?", I asked Jess, who looked outside the kitchen window.

She shrugged. "Anywhere. As if someone says where he´s going."

Her voice was so full of resignation that it made my heart wrench.

"I´m sorry", I had to say.

Turning around, Jessica gave me a unreadable look. "Why?", she asked.

Shrugging I nipped my tea. "Because your youth is not like it should be. When I was your age, I never had any worse problems then not having enough money to buy the newest clothes. And you – you take all the responsibility they want you to take, without even thinking once for yourself. You do not have an easy live, and you never complain once. "

A long time, Jessica did nothing else then turning to the window again and looking outside.

"I´m not the only one. Henry is doing a lot more."

"You think so?", I asked. She shrugged.

"Sarah doesn´t", I said. It was not that I blamed Sarah for that. It was just a fact. "And Jake doesn´t, too. Or Mark. They run away. And Kim, Kim doesn´t even look once."

"That´s something else."

"Why?"

She turned around to face me, again, and sighed. "Why?", she asked. "Because Sarah does not need to care. She does not need this family. She has enough friends and enough strange in her to leave it all behind. I wish I could be like her! Or like Kim. Having one moment which remembers of the live of a normal teenager. I wish for this. But I can´t have it. All I have got is this family.

And Jake? Yeah, he´s running away. But who could blame him? Charlie´s hurt. And he´s hurt because of this. I am happy to be not in Jake´s skin. Don´t you compare me with him -"  
"I-", I started.

"It´s something else. And Mark? He has always been something else. Of cause he runs away. It´s the only way he survives this family. And Kim -"

She put a knife form the counter, which looked really dangerous.

"Kim and I, we aren´t the same. We´re so different. If I were her, I wouldn´t care a second."

There was nothing I could have said. Nothing.

Suddenly the door went and our heads jerked around.

The door fell shut and Sarah entered the kitchen. A bright smile on her face, but when she saw us, her smile froze.

"What´s wrong?", she asked.

"Charlie", were the only words I could bring out.

**I know, there was a huge pause, but please, please review.**


	40. No man s land

_**Author´s Note:**__** All mistakes are mine and I am sorry for them, but I do not know better**_.

_**Disclaimer:**_ _**Not mine, I´m only lending it.**_

_**Many thanks to **__THEcheeseluver12 __**for reviewing. So Joe´s nicer, hmm? I will remember this. **_

_**Many thanks to **__strawberry-sunset194 __**for the review. What do you mean when you wonder what´s wrong with Mike? He´s worried because of his family and especially Charlie. **_

_**Many thanks to **__Islanda,__**too. Yeah, Joe and Bobby both have their charme. I can´t decide, too. **_

´Last Part now!

**Part IV**

_**We can´t cry the pain away**_

_**We can´t find a need to stay**_

_**there´re no more rabbits in my hat to make things right**_

_(Sunrise Avenue – Fairytale gone bad)_

_**Part of the chapter is inspired by the song **"Smokers outside the hospital doors"** form **"Editors"**.**_

"_The saddest thing that I'd ever seen  
Were smokers outside the hospital doors "_

**Chapter 40: No man´s land **_ Tom_

The light on the roof of ICU flicked nervously.

My fingers tipped on the table next to me. Kate sat on my left side, watching the door were the doctors had disappeared.

She had clenched her bag, her fingernails digging into the brown leather. I wanted to say something, tell her that everything would be fine, but – I couldn´t. For some reason – if it was because of my nervousness or because of the air between us two – I could not say a single word.

The people around us rushed through the waiting room, from right to left and from left to right.

An old woman sat at the other side of the room. No one else.

She gave me a smile, but when I tried to mile back, I realized that I couldn´t. I could not smile anymore.

A doctor rushed into the room and I sat up so fast, Kate gave me a look.

But he did not want to speak to us. He faced the elder women.

My gaze left the discussion between the two strangers and went along the wall. White, all white. I tried to remember when the last time was one of my children wished its room coloured white. I couldn´t.

"Tom!" Kate´s voice was barely a whisper. "Sit down."

I turned my head to face her, talking back – tears were screaming down her face. Perhaps I should say something. I sat down and went silent.

~c~

There was a clock hanging on the wall.

I counted the minutes. Eight p.m and thirty-nine minutes. Eigth p.m and forty minutes. Eight p.m and forty-one minutes. It had no sense.

It only made me more nervous.

"Why can´t they just talk to us?", I whispered.

"I don´t know, Tom."

We were both nervous, both feeling the same pain in our hearts when we were thinking of our child, but nevertheless, we were more distanced then ever before.

It hurt knowing that it would never be the same again between us. That we could not pretend that nothing ever happened, because it had happened so much.

Eight p.m and forty-six minutes.

A nurse rushed over to ICU, faster then I thought the shoes could made her run.

It gave me a shock, my heart started beating faster again, because I thought it was the doctor.

But we still waited.

Eight p.m and forty-nine minutes. Eight p.m and fifty minutes. Eight p.m and fifty-one minutes.

At eight p.m and fifty-two minutes the door to the hospital floor opened.

A black man hushed into the room, his blue shirt covered in blood, his eyes full of tears.

I could not stand the look of the blood. Standing up, I got an angry look from Kate again.

"I need a toilette", I explained.

~c~

It did not take a long time to – to make my business – but washing hands took a long time.

I watched the water floating over my hands, rushing over my arm before I dried it with a towel.

Then I looked up in the mirror.

For the first time for a long time, for the first time since my affair with Jeanie started, I realized how old I was. Very old. Older then I ever had been.

I couldn´t stand it, couldn´t stand the look of my own face.

I hushed outside the wash rooms and did not walk back to the waiting room. I rushed outside the hospital, into the fresh air.

A few guys were standing round an ashtray, smoking.

I never really had smoked in my live. One or two cigarettes in my youth. There was a small, whispering part of me which remembered that I did nor like it. But I walked over to them and greeted them.

It took them five seconds to realize that I did not have anything to smoke with me. A man in a blue suit offered me one of his cancer sticks. He smelled like smoke and dust. It remembered me of Mark when he once came home not long ago and I had to shook. He really was to young to smoke.

Had I never told him how bad it was?

I nodded to thank the man and he lit the cigarette for me.  
Taking a breath was not ideal and I really tried not to cough. But after a few breathes it calmed me down. I could lay my head in the neck and watch the cloudy sky. Also it was windy, it was impossible to watch the clouds move.

~c~

When I entered the waiting room again, Kate turned her head and I tried to smile.

She would smell the smoke, I realized, but, truly – she knew I hid a lot the last months.

Before I could say a word, the door of the ICU opened and Charlie´s doctor walked over to us.

"Mr. and Mrs. Baker?"

I nodded.  
"We need to talk."

~c~

"After he crashed down we were able to reanimate him, but – it took us to long. I am sorry but your son´s been to long without air. He´s brain dead."

~c~

When I was twelve years old, a friend of mine fell into a lake and drowned.

I watched his father trying to reanimate him, but fail. I remember well that there were tears screaming over my face before the idea of my friend being dead really was in my head.

Some time after, I realized that my friends father did not cry when he stopped trying to reanimate his son. I remember well that I wondered for a long time, why on earth he did not cry over the death of his own son.

In the moment the doctor told us about Charlie, I could understand my friend´s father.

Crying was not even begin to be enough for expressing the pain a father feels when he realizes that he has lost his kid.

~c~

The doctor told us that now, it were only the machines which hold Charlie´s life.

He would never wake up again. The best thing would be, to let him go.

**Please leave a review, but don´t kill me...**


	41. Author s Madness

_**I would have updated earlier, but normally I want to finish the chapter I am writing on, before I update the story, so I always have a chapter in the backpack. **_

_**So, no I have a little writer´s block, but it is not that terrible, because I already wrote the next 3 chapters. **_

_**Many thanks to **Thecheeseluver12** for the review. It´s good you liked the chapter, even it was so sad. **_

_**Many thanks to **Islanda **for reviewing. It´s good to hear you liked it. We will see how Jake is coping in his chapter. **_

_**Many thanks to **Q2**, too. Your words mean a lot to me. I hope you´ll enjoy the upcoming chapters. And I am really sorry for the mistakes, but I am no native speaker.**_

_**Last but not least, many thanks to **dolphinsstarmidfield23** (gosh, that´s a complicated name!) Here we go: **_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the idea.**

**__****English is not my native language. **  


**Chapter 41: Author´s madness ** _Kate_

Something was beside us while we were droving home in silence and entered the house. Something invisible that seemed to held out its claw to get us, but did not pack for a reason.

There was no kid in the kitchen or the living room, about what I was happy. I could not face them yet. Not tell them. So I walked up to my study and sat down at my table.

The finished novel laid in front of me. Hundred-forty-nine sides of a old man´s live, finished in three sleepless nights. I had been so proud of the work, the best thing I ever wrote. And that within days.

Then in a wave of rage, I took the papers and ripped them in the middle.

Breathing hardly, I stood up, the ripped papers still in my hands.

"Fuck", I whispered. And then the tears came.

The awesome thing was that I had only tears for five or six minutes. Then they were used up.

Regarding the last pieces of my novel, I sat down at the laptop again and opened another document.

_I can remember well this afternoon in late spring so many years ago. The trees wore their handsomest dress, covered with rose and white flowers and the birds were singing with joy, and even if I sat backwards to the window I could imagine the the green grass and the pale blue sky with a soft sun shining on the house. _

_Sitting in the kitchen, I braid Nora´s hair softly, taking every streak with enormous pleasure. My son Charlie sat on another table, his legs not even long enough to reach the floor, and watched us. _

_His brown curls hang into his face and every now and then he tried to blow them out of it with a breath. _

"_Mummy", he suddenly said. "What is heaven?"_

_I stopped in the moving, watching Nora´s hair thoughtfully. She turned around and watched me with her curious eyes. _

"_That´s the place where you go when you´re dying", I explained. _

"_How does it look like?", Charlie wanted to know. _

_Taking a deep breath, I stroke Nora´s face – she still watched me interested, as if she wondered what her mother would tell her little brother. She´d never really believed in things like god and heaven. _

"_I don´t know Charlie, I´m still alive. But I am sure it is a really wonderful place. God´s there with you and you can do everything you want."_

"_But who says that?"_

"_Everyone."_

_It was Nora´s turn to question my words. _

"_Dad doesn´t", she said. _

_And I bit my lips because I did not knew what to say. I remembered that when my sister died, I had asked my mother the same questions and for some reason, when she said that my sister is in heaven now, I did not question it anyway. Never._

"_Why you want to know, Charlie?"_

"_Because Timmy´s grandpa died and he said that he´s in heaven now. I did not knew what´s that, but when I would have asked him, Timmy might though I´m stupid."_

"_Daddy does not believe in heaven", Nora said and threw Charlie a thumb. _

"_You need to believe in it? Why that?"_

"_You can´t know if there´s a heaven, bonehead", Nora answered. "Not until your dead."_

"_Mummy?", Charlie said. _

"_But you can believe, Charlie."_

_In the evening, when Lorraine was fast asleep, Nora was happy in front of TV, I brought Charlie to bed. _

"_Mummy?", he said. "I don´t know if I shall believe in heaven."_

_I smiled at him. "Just think about it and someday you´ll find the answer."_

_He shrugged. "Perhaps Nora´s right and there´s no heaven. Or perhaps Timmy´s right and there´s heaven. I don´t know. Perhaps that´s something to big to think for in my age."_

"_Then you think about it later", I told him. "And then you´ll tell me what your answer´s."_

"_Okay."_

_Until today, I never learnt if Charlie believes in heaven or nor. Until today, I never had to care. _

When I ended the story, there was a huge emptiness inside of me. I closed the laptop and took a breath. It knocked.

"Kate?", Tom asked softly.

"Yes?"

"We need to – to -"

"Decide?"

He nodded.

"We let him go, Tom. It´s the best", I said. He nodded. "Yeah, that´s it."


	42. Talks and Steps

**_Many thanks to _**_thecheeseluver12** for reviewing. **_

**Chapter 42: Talks and Steps** _Kyle_

I shifted nervously in the armchair, regarding my – left – siblings.

Our parents wanted to talk about something _important_ with _all _of us.

Even Nora and Lorraine were there, sitting next to each other on one of the couches. Next to Nora sat Kim and next to Lorraine Jessica, needing as much distance as possible.

On the other couch, my left brothers could be found, Henry had crossed his arms over his chest and look straight forward, Mike and Mark sat on his left and right side and looked down, while my twin sat on the end of the couch, watching me seriously.

Sarah instead sat on the other armchair, face to face with me, but she did not watch me. She did not watch anything and her face was like a mask.

And then Mum and Dad entered the living room.

I could tell they were nervous and god – Mum seemed about to cry.

I gulped.

"Your mum and I", my dad started, "wanted to talk about you because – we need to talk with you about Charlie."

All looks now went over to him and he took a deep breath.

"See – your brother had a cardiac arrest last night -"

I hold my breath. My heart beat against my chest. That was not good.

"They could stabilize him but - " His voice broke.

"He´s brain dead." It was mum who finished the sentence.

I did not know what brain dead meant. I never heard this word before and when I looked over to Nigel, he shrugged, too.

Nora, instead, knew what it meant. Her hand clapped in front of her mouth and Lorraine, too, knew what it meant, because she hold her breath. And I am sure that Henry and Sarah and Jess and Kim and perhaps even Mike knew what it meant to be brain dead, but I did not knew.

And I was afraid to ask.

"So he – he´s dead?", Jessica asked softly.

"He´s kept alive with the machines", my dad explained. "But his brain is dead and so he won´t wake up. Never."

Now I knew what brain dead meant. It was just an more complicated word for dead.

"We should let him go", my Mum whispered.

Sarah´s head jerked up: "Let him go? What does that mean?"

"We will tell the doctors to put off the machines so he can rest in peace."

Rest in peace. I knew that words. It meant they were going to kill Charlie.


	43. In Memorian

_**I have got some writers block. Lucky thing I already wrote some more chapters then I updated. **_

_**And, second, I am not so often on now. **_

_**So here´s the next. **_

_**Last but not least: Many thanks to **Islanda & THEcheeseluver12 **for the reviews. **_

_**All mistakes are mine, I am no native speaker.  
**_

**Chapter 43: In Memoriam ** _Herny_

Have you you ever been beat so badly that in the end you laid bleeding on the floor and could not even move?

Literally me not. But metaphoric it was exactly what it felt like when my parents told us the news.

For what seemed like forever I just sat there and gazed into the air. Then suddenly, Kyle jumped up and ran upstairs and Nigel followed just a second after.

It was Sarah who spoke again. "You can´t do that", she said. "You can´t do that." Her voice broke while she was saying it and I bit my lips. _He was brain dead_. They could do that. It was the right thing, my brain told me it was the right thing, but – my heart was louder.

"You´re killing him!"

Sarah´s voice got more and more volume.

"You´re killing your own son!"

And then she turned on her heels and ran out of the house.

I felt the tears coming, but the last thing I wanted to do was crying, because crying was so weak.

"When?"

All heads turned to Nora, who looked up to our father and she looked like a little child, even if she was the oldest.

"We did not call his doctor yet. We will see, what he tells us", Mum explained.

And Nora nodded. "Okay." It was hard to see her crying, and seeing her hiding her tear was even harder. And then my father spoke off.

"I think, that now that we decided, the best thing would be, to do it as fast as possible. Maybe tomorrow."

It was to much for my head. I could not hold on a second longer, I knew this, but nevertheless, I stayed – because my feet won´t move.

Later that day, I had been in my room for a while, I walked down the floor to the bathroom and met Mark, who sat in front of his room, his back at his door. His face was expressionless and he just sat there without moving.

"You´re okay, Mark?", I asked him softly. What a stupid question, of cause he was not okay.

But he shrugged. "I don´t know", he whispered and it broke my heart to see him like that.

"I really did my best to keep this family alive", he then said. " Within the last weeks I really tried to do not brake them further. As you said. And then" - he made a gesture - "boom! Why I even care when it brakes down nevertheless? Why I do my best when it does not even matter? It´s not fair. It is really not fair."

I knew what meant. Watching my hands for a while I thought for something to say, but there was nothing, no possible answer to any problem that existed. Breathing out loud, I sat down next to him, and watched the wall in front of us.

"When turning off the machines", Mark whispered, "is really the best thing we can do, is it even possible for this family to stay alive?"

"I don´t know Mark", I answered. "I don´t know."

He sobbed and I took him in my arms. And then we sat there for eternity. Just holding each other.

About an hour later I finally entered the bathroom. I regarded myself in the mirror for a while, wondering what it was that made me to Henry Baker and what Henry Bakers role in the world was.

"_You think I can make it on the team this time?"_

_Owen took a strange look with his puppy dog eyes at Henry._

"_If you try hard enough." Henry was surprised, the years before, Owen never cared about being on the team._

"_Perhaps I´m too small."_

"_That doesn´t matter", Henry explained. "Everything that matters are your skills."_

_Owen nodded. _

_He made to the team, but Henry knew that it was just because the trainer took all of the guys who wanted to be on the team. _

"_Duncan invited us to his party", Owen explained. Henry nodded. "I know."_

"_You don´t seem so happy."_

"_It´s Duncan, Owen. He´s bonehead."_

"_But his parties are legendary."_

_Loud music, lights and alcohol. Henry himself nipped on his third beer – hadn´t he sworn himself that he would not drink any alcohol tonight? - and watched the party from a save distance at the music box. _

"_Hey Owen!" Wasn´t that Duncan? "You gonna make this drinking game with us?"_

_Woohoo, what?Owen was definitely not the type to -_

"_What exactly do you mean?" , Owen asked. _

"_We both take one shot at the same time, and the dude who gives up first looses."_

_Owen shifted nervously. "Okay", he then said. _

_But before he could do any other move, Henry had packed his shirt. _

"_You´re crazy. Look at him, he´s more then a head taller then you. And you do not drink that much -"_

"_Henry, stop it. You don´t need to look at me all the time. I am not a child. Yeah? You don´t need to treat me like your little brother."_

_And Herny let him go. "Okay, what ever you want."_

_Henry already had stopped counting their shots when it happened. _

_From one to the other second Owen suddenly fell off his chair, lying still on the floor. _

"_Woohoo!", the crowd screamed. "Duncan´s the winner."_

_Duncan did not even managed to recognize anything, he was too drunk._

_Fighting with the mass to reach Owen , who did not even move an inch, seemed to need an eternity. _

_And no one cared, no one cared that Owen did not move, and no one cared, when Henry slapped his cheek and Owen did not even flinch, and no one cared when Herny panic when he realized that Owen wasn´t breathing and when he tried to find Owen´s puls, and realized that there was none. _

"_He needs a doctor! Please, anyone needs to call an ambulance – he needs a doc!"_

I bit his lips and formed his hands to fists when the memory flashed back into his mind.

Mark was right. It was not fair. It had not even passed three month since his best friends death. I could not loose his brother now.

It was already dark when I reached the graveyard. Stumbling around with my flashlight I needed twenty minutes to find Owen´s grave.

I lit the candle and sat down in front of it.

"Mark is right, Owen", I said. "It is not fair. But what shall I do against?"

**A.N.: Someone gives Henry a hug, yeah? Please, he needs one. **


	44. Looking always forward and never back

_**Many thanks to **THEcheeseluver12 **and **Islanda **for reviewing. **_

**Chapter 44: Looking always forward and never back **

_(Jessica)_

I was sitting in my room, lonely, watching out of the window. In films it is always raining when someone is dying or even if anyone is really sad but the night was clear and you could see every star.

"Jessica?" , someone whispered suddenly.

I did not turn around immediately, I watched the stars for an other moment. So Kim sat down next to me and watched the stars, too.

"You remember when we said that every star is a human soul?", she asked. I did not answer.

"And when a baby´s born, you realize it because there´s a shooting starfalling down on earth, like the soul is entering the body. And when someone dies – then a new star is born, because he´s soul goes back to heaven."

I did not answer. I remembered well the evening we were talking about that, but, it hurt so much hearing it now. It hurt hearing it because it meant Charlie´s soul was going right up there, away from us.

"You think that´s true?", Kim wondered.

"I am no child anymore...", was all that I answered.

~cbtd~

Later that evening, when I laid in my bed, I thought about Kim´s words. Of cause it sounded stupid, but in some way, it sounded unbelievable comforting, too.

Turning around in my bed for about two hours without being able to sleep made me crazy.

Finally I got up again and walked downstairs into the kitchen to drink some water or to do anything but thinking.

At the table sat Lorraine, the phone and an empty wine glass next to her and her head in her arms lying on the table. She was asleep, I considered.

I did not want to wake her, so I just took a glass and water and tried to sneak out of the kitchen, but she heard me anyway.

"Jess?"

I turned around and nodded. "Hey, Lorraine. Whom´d you call?" I nodded in the direction of the phone.

"I just – Will."

I nodded and turned around to walk away, when she spoke again.

"I will not cancel the wedding."

My heart froze immediately and I tried to understand the words. I had not thought for the wedding yet. It was nothing to think about when your brother was about to die.

"I know it makes me look like an asshole and -" God, she sounded drunk. "But I won´t cancel the wedding. It´s – it´s the only thing left that keeps me from breaking, this marriage with Will."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and faced her again.

"You know that it sounds weird", I told her.

"Yeah, I know, but see Jess, it´s important."

I shook my head.

"Jess – it´s like this, see – I need this and the whole family needs it. They need this wedding to realize that life - life is going on."

"Lore -"

"Don´t ´Lore` me Jessica", she whispered.

"But -" There was no but. I suddenly realized that she was right. Not with the Lore thing, but when she said that life was going on. It was going on, for everybody, except for Charlie. But his life stopped a long time ago.

_**For those who still read the story: **_

_**I think with the next chapter, the showdown starts. **_


	45. The Day of the Dying Family

**I am so sorry it took so long. I hope my readers did not run away, but I´m still having this writer´s block and second I am writing in german now much more... **

_**Many thanks to **_**Islanda, THEcheeseluver12 _and _dolphinstarmidfield23 _for reviewing._****  
**

**Chapter 45: The Day of the Dying Family ** _Mark_

It was sunny this day.

Calm and sunny.

You know, it was so sarcastic, how the sun smiled down on us, when we entered the hospital.

I hadn´t been here since Jake came on the child station for mental illness.

You know how hard it is when your brother is in there? The people look at you as if you´re a freak.

They hadn´t told him yet, I knew it, I could see it in their gazes, when Dad and Herny took off to his station while Mum and we, the left Baker kids, took the lift to ICU.

A look at the clock told me that it was ten o´clock in the morning and my stomach rumbled because I had not eaten breakfast. Okay, I had a toast this morning but I had thrown it up just some time after breakfast, so that my stomach was now empty.

I sat on this extremely uncomfortable chair, shifted from the left to the right and could not hold still. Kim gave me a look but I did not care.

Finally, I sat up and went to regard some papers at the wall.

They were all about illnesses. Cancer, AIDS, Parkinson. Death was everywhere, hope laid nowhere.

I gulped while regarding a poster which showed the human brain.

Did it still look like this when you´re brain dead?

It was then, when Dad and Henry came back with Jake.

They walked slowly and Henry had taken Jakes hand as if he was a little child.

He looked like a mess in his light blue hospital trousers. He wore his favourite hoodie and hospital shoes. His hair was a mess and his face was pale. I gulped.

I was pretty sure that today meant the death of this family. Metaphoric.

But perhaps Charlie was not the only one who died literally. Sooner or later, I suddenly realized, Jake would follow. That was what he wanted, wasn´t it?

They sat down in the waiting room, Jake was on Henry´s lap like a little child, and I regarded this family that sat there from a safe distance.

This family that was going to die today.

I licked my lips and wondered why it was like it was and how it could be that such a happy family grew into such a mess and if was fair. It wasn´t fair, of cause not. But it was like it was, wasn´t it?

My stomach clenched for the first time when the doctor appeared.

I had taken a seat next to the window and regarded the door like a ominous bird with two big swings and licked my dry lips every now and then.

My throat was unbelievable dry, too, Nora had asked me some time before if I would like to drink something, but all I could do was shaking my head.

The doctor talked to my parents for a long time and I did not understand a word, because they were to far away.

But then, he talked louder.

"_You´ll be given time to say goodbye. Take as much time as you need. It´s okay."_

They gave us time to say goodbye? It sounded so weird that I wondered if he even knew that Charlie was not able to hear us. I resisted the urge to show him my tongue.

Mum and Dad stood there like statues. And then Mum suddenly took Nigel´s and Kyle´s arm and pushed them in Charlies room.

I got sick.

"Mark?" My fathers voice sounded different. I never heard him sound like that before.

"You´ll go in now?"

For a moment I stopped to breath and then my heart beat twice as fast as normal.

I began shaking and wanted to scream. _No. _I did not want to go in there and say Charlie goodbye. That was absurd, that was cranky. I almost sobbed but I was able to stop it early enough.

It was then, when my Mum gently pushed me into Charlie´s room. I turned around to face her, but she´d already closed the door. I was alone.

I bit my lip and turned around to take a look at Charlie.


	46. Breathing is harder than you think

_**Okay ladies and gentlemen. I am doing my best to finish this story soon, but with love. There was a long time I did not work on it, but know I am working. There are still three or four chapters to write (if I decide for an epilogue) but there are still six or seven chapters to load up so you can read them. I always try to have a few chapters in the back of my hand(does that expression exist in English?) **_

_**And too, I will be soon graduated and so I´ve got a lot of other things on my mind.**_

_**AN.: I am no native speaker. Please forgive me my mistakes.**_

_**Many thanks to **thecheeseluver12, strawberry-sunset194, Secretkeeper **and **Islanda **for reviewing. It is so great you still keep reading and reviewing.**_

**Chapter 46: Breathing is harder than you think **

_Jake_

Breathing is harder then you think.

I had known this for so long now, but I realized for the first time what it really meant when Henry and I entered Charlie´s room.

My eldest brother laid there, still, like he had the other day we came to visit. He was pale and the machines made the only sound that I could hear.

It was a strange thought that this guy who laid there was my brother and that he was going to die in a few minutes and that it what all my fault.

My breath was faster then normal and I just stood still in the doorway, licked my lips and tried not to cry. "I´m scared", I whispered.

Henry was by my side. He softly took my hand and took me with him next to the white bed, where Charlie laid so still.

Henry sat down on the chair and took me on his lap, just like the other day we came here to visit.

His hand reached out and touched Charlie´s face and I was confused when I realized that his hand was shaking.

"Me too", Henry said.

We just sat there in silence, I frowned when I reached out for Charlie´s hand automatically, laid my fingers on his and stroke his hand softly.

"He´s dying for me", I suddenly remembered.

"Jake, no -"

"Don´t", I interrupted Henry. "It is like it is. It is what he choose. And no one ever can turn back time."

I could hear Henry breath out hardly and he grabbed my other hand. "That´s right", he whispered.

It was then, when the door suddenly opened and the doctor and a nurse entered the room, followed by the other members of our family.

Henry softly pushed me to stand up and so I did. I licked my lips and watched them all.

They had changed.

They all had changed so much during the time I hadn´t been there.

I took a deep breath and watched Charlie again. He had not changed a bit. Maybe he was thinner and his hair was longer, but his face still looked the same.

The doctor turned to the machines, the nurse held this paper in her hand on which Mum and Dad had signed Charlie´s death sentence. And then, the machines stopped. Charlie just stopped to breath, stopped to live and I watched him within his last second like he was a stranger, because that was the fact. The person who laid there was a completely stranger, it wasn´t Charlie.

I think I was the only one who really watched him die.

Henry stood with his back to Charlie, hugged me and looked to the door. And even if I did not see them, I knew the moment they turned of the machines, I was the only one who watched.

I gulped.

Breathing is harder than you think.

Charlie could not even do it on his own.

~cbtd~

It was the first time in month that I entered my room at home. Mum must have tidied it up, but otherwise, it still looked the same.

I put my bag on the bed and turned around to face Mum. She regarded me lovely.

"Shall I help you with your clothes?", she asked me.

"No. I´ll do it on my own."

"May I watch you?"

I shrugged. "If you want to."

Two days later I laid in the grass in our garden and watched the sky. I did not care about the people around me, about the noise and the rush. I just watched the sky and wondered, if Charlie was above in heaven now.

**Reviews?**


	47. About Funerals and Weddings

_**I am sorry it took so long again. I really hope to be able to finish this story soon, I only have to write two, maybe three chapters. But I still have to upload five or six. **_

_**Many thanks to my steady reader and the great reviews of **Islanda, THEcheeseluver12, strawberry-sunset194 **and **dolphinsstarmidfield23. _

_**Only two more things: 1st English is not my native language.  
2nd I do not own Cheaper by the dozen.**_

**Chapter 47: About Funerals and Weddings**

_Lorraine_

I sat in the living room with Will, Nora and Bud, keeping away all those people who wanted to talk to Mum and Dad about how sorry they were. It wasn´t what our parents needed know.

It was a hot day, the sun was shining and I remembered that when we still lived in Midland, many years ago, we used to go to the lake on such days and jump into the cool water.

But this was years ago, if not centuries and it did not seem possible to ever happen again.

Thinking of it, I suddenly had to sub and pressed my hand over my mouth.

"Lorraine?" Will said softly. "Your´re okay?"

"Yes, I – I just need some fresh air."

I rushed out of the living room into the garden, seeing that there where even more people. I could not flee and that scared the hell out of me.

Taking a deep breath to calm me down I walked around the garden, when I suddenly saw Jake.

It was a strange picture, something which seemed perfectly anomaly, how he was just lying on the ground, arms behind his head, starring at the sky.

Carefully I walked over to him, stopping right next to him and saw into his face.

"Hey Jake." How could my own brother be so strange to me?

He looked at me for three seconds, but he did not say a word.

"Is it okay if I lay down next to you?", I wondered. He shrugged.

It must have looked very funny how I placed myself next to him, but in the end I found a comfortable position on the grass and watched the sky.

"You´re okay, Jake?", I whispered.

"What´s that for a question? Of cause not. This is the funeral of my brother, of your brother. Why people always ask about feelings -" He did not even look at me, but continued watching the sky.

"Perhaps, because they care about you."

He did not answer.

"That´s how they show it. They want to start a conversation and – that´s how they do it."

There was some pause in witch I watched him licking his lips. He did not say anything, and neither did I.

"Will you be okay?", I asked then.

He turned his head to face me and tried it with a smile. "I´ll try my best. And I think – there´re good chances."

We laid there for eternity, just watching the sky, forgetting the people around us.

Then, after some time, Nora suddenly found us.

"Hey you two. What you´re doing?"

"Watching the sky", I answered.

"May I lay down there, too?"

That happened again, first with Mark, who shyly came over, then Jessica, ripping some grass out of the earth, and Nigel and Kyle, hand in hand, placing next to her.

No one disturbed us, and we did not disturb anybody for a long, long time.

It was Kim then, who came next, placing herself next to Jake, and then Henry, stretching out his large body between them. Sarah let herself fell down next to Kim with a yawn and finally, Mike came over. And so, we all laid there, in circle, watching the sky, not caring about anything or anybody but ourselves.

It was Jake who broke the silence.

"I wanna play football", he suddenly said and jumped to his feet. "You come Henry?"

And Henry came and so did Sarah, Mike and the twin boys.

They just played football like on every other day and suddenly, after weeks and month and perhaps years, I felt like being home.

~cbtd~

The next day, started weird, because the first thing I heard was the telephone. It was the wedding planner Paul.

Our house was already done for the wedding and when I rushed downstairs, half dressed, talking about wedding cake, I recognized, that I was going to get married within a few days.

Paul came over to show us the finished flower decoration, the white and green arrangements. I held Wills hand the whole time, realizing, that it would really be the most wonderful day in my life.

**Please review.**


	48. Lost and Found

_**Guys, I´ve got to tell you: I am glad this story will end soon. **_

_**My head is **too empty** for all this. I´m not in the material anymore. Mostly writing in German now and a complete other fandom. Cheapters even becoming shorter and shorter. **_

_**Hopefully I will finish someday. **_

_**And it is so great you´re still reading this story and review! Makes me so happy. **_

_**Many thanks to **Islanda **for the review. It´s so great you still like it. **_

_**Many thanks to **THEcheeseluver12 **too. Actually I hope they will be okay, too. **_

_**And many thanks to **strawberry-sunset194** for the review. Actually you have to wait for the wedding. Won´t come so soon. I still have to write it!**_

**Chapter 48: Lost and Found **

_Kim_

Everybody who would have thought that it would be quiet in the Baker house this morning, was wrong. The wedding planner and the workers were here early making noise, talking loudly, feeling free to shout at eight in the morning, because there was a car in their way.

Tiredly I walked downstairs and almost collided with someone.

"Attention!", I called out furiously, but then I recognized Jess.

"Sorry", she whispered.

I wanted to say something, but there were no words coming out of my mouth and honestly I did not know what to say, so I just walked on.

When I reached the hall I turned around and watched Jessica´s back disappearing. Sighing I turned around and wanted to walk on when I ran into the next person. Paul, the wedding planner.

"Oh, sorry", I said.

"No problem", he laughed. "You´ve been far away in your head, hmm?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

At the breakfast table Dad told us that it was free to go to school or not. We should decide ourself and for the first moment I just wanted to stay.

I did not want to have to face Cindy. But then again, staying at home would just remember myself of Charlie being dead. I bit my lips.

"I am going to school, Dad", it were Jessica´s words which shook me out of my thinking. "I need to, I´ve got a lot of things to do."

And the decision was made. Because at school I could talk to Jess.

-cbtd-

School wasn´t fun.

It´s easy to say that and I think you know why so I don´t have to explain.

All I wanna say is that I sat alone all the time, not belonging anywhere – not even seeing Cindy anywhere – and being on my own -

until someone started talking to me. Jessica.

I was standing at my locker when she came over to me, licking her lips nervously.  
I bit my own lips so I thought they must start to bleed while I watched her, I wanted to tell her to go away, but I did not have the power anymore.

"What is it?", I asked instead.

Her feet started moving nervously like all of the Baker´s feet did when their owners did not feel comfortable. It reminded me on a fact I almost forgot – a really important one. The fact, that she was still my sister.

Whatever had been between us, there was still the same blood running trough our veins and with every heartbeat I recognized this a little more.

"I – I am sorry. I shouldn´t have done this – I costed you your friends. I´m a bastard."

Perhaps she was. But she was still my twin, and if she was a bastard -

"-then I am a bastard, too."

I saw her pressing her books on her chest, holding her breath and then nodding.

"I am not angry anymore", I told her, and it surprised myself how true those words were.

The bell rang and I had to go – we did not have the same class now.

"We´ll see at home", I said and moved away.

"Kim?", I heard Jessica say and turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Would you do my hair for the wedding?"

My heart felt like it was going to explode.

"I wish for it", I told her.


	49. Trying Out

_**I am so sorry! But I have to say that I am in a horrible writer´s block, since what seemed like forever. When anybody here has got an idea how to write the wedding – TELL ME! **_

_**So, I am not really any further then last time (damn Sarah chapter, damn Joe and Bobby story), and I sadly think, that most of you gave up on this story. I am really sorry, and I try to end it as soon as I can. **_

_**Please realize: **English is not my native language. I´ll try my very best, but I know I might do many mistakes. _

_**Last but not least I wanna thank **Islanda **for the review. Means a lot to me. **_

**Chapter 49: Trying Out **

_Mike_

In the end it were only Henry and me who stayed at home this morning.

And of course Jake – but he did not go to school, he was just on a visit at home. But today, I decided, I would forget all this.

The three of us, would have great day. As Dad wanted us to.

It had been an hour ago when he took me beside and his hand went through my hair.

"You´re a really big boy, you know this? You should not have to behave this much as an adult. You´re still a child, and I want you to just try out to live a normal day of a normal ten years old. I am really proud of you, you know this?"

I gulped, but then I nodded, looked him in the eyes and tried it with a smile. I was really surprised when it worked.

"I love you, Mike", he then said. "And I am afraid, because I don´t know when the last time was when I told you this. Or one of your siblings."

"I love you, too, Dad."

"Hey Mike!", Henry interrupted us. He and Jake stood at the door. "Wanna play football with us?"

"I´m just taking on my shoes!", I told them and ran upstairs.

~cbtd~

I don´t know how long we played in the garden, but finally I fell straight in the grass, my face hiding in the green plant and sighed.

"I´m done!", I told Henry, who was much to fast for me.

I heard him laugh and then he fell next to me – and in the next moment, he started tickling me.

Gosh, I had to laugh, I tried to get his hands away from me, but suddenly Jake came over and held my arms so I could not do anything and I had to laugh because of the tickling until my breath was gone.

I don´t know how long we just laid there, me trying to breath normal and Jake and Henry laughing at me. Then I finally had my breath back, jumped to my feet and grabbed the football, handing it over to Jake.  
"I need a long one", I told him. And so he did, he threw this long ball and I ran as fast as I could to get it. I just focused on the ball flying through the air, not noticing how fast I neared the street on which the ball landed, my left feet walked on the street when suddenly something hold me back.

I turned around and faced a totally panicked Jake.

"Don´t", he breathed.

And suddenly I realized that I almost ran on the street with all the cars without watching out.

There was no car driving, but it had could be – like it did this previous day when -

I nodded and he let me go, I watched he street as Mum told me when I was younger – left, right, left, right – I think I did it five times before I stepped on the street and took the ball.

When I went back to Jake he was hugged by Mum and his breath came out rasping.

I bit my lips. I did not want it to happen, I really didn´t.  
I opened my mouth, because I felt so sorry. For everything that happened. That I ran without thinking, that I had thrown the ball this one day.

But I realized that no one would listen and so I shut up.

~cbtd~

Later that morning Jake and I sat at my desk drawing pictures.

He did not talk a word since the incident and I knew that this was not good.

"Jake?", I asked shyly.

"Hmm."

"You – you aren´t healed yet, are you? I mean – and after the wedding you have to go back to the hospital, right?"

He watched me and nodded.

"But it´s okay Mike", he said. "I am sure that they will release me healthy very soon. Don´t worry. -

I will be fine."

And I nodded.

_**Hoping for any review.**_


	50. Crying

_**Okay. I know it´s been forever since I´ve updated a chapter and I am really sorry. **_

_**And even if I don´t think that anybody will read it now. I understand that, but this whole wedding story and this "Bobby or Joe"-thing gave me the rest. **_

_**Worked in German a lot, and I don´t know if I can even write in English, now XD**_

_**I still did not finish the next chapter. But as soon as I can, I will reread it and try to go on. Wish me luck. **_

_**Last but not least, I want to say thank you for the lovely reviews of "Angelomi", "strawberry-sunset194" and "Islanda". **_

_**I am really sorry, don´t be too mad, if you ever read it. **_

**Chapter 50: Crying **

_Nigel _

It was Friday when I told my teacher I felt sick and the director himself made the janitor take me home.

I did not feel sick in that way but I did not want to stay any longer at school where everybody, my teachers, my trainer, everyone kept an eye on Kyle and me nowadays and it started to get on my nerves.

I convinced the janitor not to ring the bell but leave me alone in front of our garden. Actually I had been intelligent enough to convince the headmaster not to call my parents because "they are very busy because of the wedding on Sunday".

Never say an eight years old isn´t smart. Because normally I would have had training after school, I had my sports bag with me and I took my running shoes on, hid my bags in the undergrowth and started running.

Remember what I told you about it? It makes your head free. Everytime I start running I do not have to think about anything else but not running against something.

I did not feel my feet hitting the ground, but the wind on my skin cooling it down.

I ran and ran, not as I learnt in training to do intervals and keep my powers, but I ran so fast I could until my breathing got sharp and my sides hurt.

And then I stopped and cried.

I just stood there and cried and got a headache from it. But I could not make myself stop. The tears just ran over my face faster as I ever could have run and I bit my lips to make them stop but it did not work and this made me cry even more.

Holding my sides I stood in the middle of nowhere and cried and could not stop and suddenly I remembered that I was only eight years old. I wasn´t even able to multiply or do any fractions. My reading was everything else but good and I when my teacher of expertise explained how the circulation of water goes I did not really understand it and I had been the only one who did not understand how it goes and I felt dumb.

I could not even remember if he mentioned the tears.

~cbtd~

It took me about ten minutes to calm down.

I ran my hands over my eyes to dry the tears and turned around to go home.

My feet carried me the whole way but my head did not think of it. By time I reached our garden, put my bag out of the undergrowth and went into the house.

It was Henry who heard the door slam and entered the floor when I put my shoes off.

"Why you´re so early?", he asked. I shrugged.

"You okay?"

I nodded but I did not look at him, went to the stairs and was about to go upstairs when Herny hold me back.

"Nigel?"

I looked into his eyes.  
"I just felt a little sick at school and the janitor brought me home", I explained and of course Mum heard it and entered the floor, too.

"You´re not getting ill, darling?", she said and felt my forehead.

"No – it´s -" I did not knew what was better, lying and made them think I was ill or letting them know that I was too upset to handle school?

"I just lay down a bit, okay?"

"Okay darling." She kissed my cheek. I could not remember the last time she did. All those month, it had been Nora who had kissed my cheeks.

I did not make it to my room, because I decided to go into the bathroom first where I ran into Dad.

His eyes where red and it took me some time before I realized that he was crying.

That´s weird. Did not know Dads could cry, you did?

He started to saying something, he was upset because I saw him cry, but I shook my head and turned around and went to my room.

I was almost there when Dad called me back.

"Nigel?"

I bit my lips and looked at him, he made some steps and then he hugged me.

"You wanna talk about this?", he asked.

I shook my head.

"I wish to explain", he said and I hold my breath. "It´s okay, Dad", I said.

"You shouldn´t have seen that."

I shrugged. "It´s okay Dad." He nodded, stood up and stroke my hair. "I love you, Nigel", he said. "I really love you."

_Kitschy...!_


	51. The End of Doubts

_**First of all, I have to say thank you to all the reviewers. You´re great. So, thank you to  
**Jazz248, Angelomi, strawberry-sunset194 **and **Islanda.  
_

_**If you haven´t given up yet, here comes one of the last chapters I just tried to write, even if I haven´t written anything in english for what seems like forever – and my mind sucks about this story. **_

_**This whole wedding thing in it made me crazy, so, I´m gonna skip it in a way.**_

_**I´m sorry for those who wished to read about it. I have never been on a wedding. I can´t do it. **_

_**So, if you don´t have given up on this story you might be able to believe me when I say that I´m sorry. **_

_**I´ll try my best to finish it. **_

**Chapter 51: The End of Doubts ** _(Sarah)_

The moment before I got out for school, Lorraine held me back, smiling at me and said.

"If you want to, you can invite someone to the wedding."

"Just one?" I asked and she laughed.

"You´re an asked person, huh?"

"I meant it – you know -" I did not know why. But then, suddenly it all broke out of me and I told her everything about Bobby Urban and Joe Jefferson and my inner conflict because I liked them both.

"And do you love one?", she asked.

I did not answer, because I did not know. And suddenly I realised that I liked them both even more then I had liked Elliott but that I did not like them _that _way.

Suddenly, it was all so clear to me.

"Perhaps", I told her. "Perhaps I love one. Perhaps none. And perhaps I love both. But it doesn´t matter. Not that way."

She really looked confused, but to me, it was clear as the summers sky.

"Thanks Lorraine", I told her and ran off to school.

~_cbtd~_

I did well to went out of their ways until lunch.

I needed to talk to both of them, at the same time, because I needed them to understand.

The only problem would be, to made them sit at one table – I thought – because when I came into the cafeteria and searched out for Joe or Bobby, I suddenly got a shock.

There they sat, both at one table, eyeing each other as two lions in a cage.

Taking my lunch, I placed myself at the head of the table, they both gave me a look and I smiled at them.

"We need to talk", I told them.

"Yes, we do", Bobby said and I flinched at his voice. It was full of anger.

He had crossed his arms and leant back in his chair while Joe was looking at his shoes.

"I like you, both", I started, knowing really well that they know both eyed me.

"But – I – I thought a lot and I don´t wanna miss one of you as a friend, but I also know, that if I choose one of you for more, it would be unfair and also I – I like you both but not more. I don´t wanna have to choose, I can´t and if that means I loose you both, I have to live with that.

Actually I – hope that you both come to my sisters wedding this weekend, it would be great."

For about what seemed like an eternity none of them said anything, but then Joe started smiling.

"It would be great to go to the wedding, right Bobby?"  
"Chrm – sure."

My heart lifted up and I nodded.

"Great. Then see you tomorrow."

~cbtd~

Saturday started early – and I really hated to get up early.

But it was Lorraines wedding and she deserved this to be the greatest moment in her live.

I really remember those days, Lore and I did not get along very well, but – after all this weeks our family itself grew apart she was one of the persons you really could talk to, who really cared – I suddenly realized this.

And I had not even a present for her.

Maybe it wasn´t that bad, and I tried to make the guild go away.

They sure would not realize if one present was missing.

I went downstairs, finding my Mum cooking in the kitchen, and hell their was food everywhere – did she know that we had a catering service?

"Mum?"

She turned on her heels, wide eyes focusing me, then she suddenly got her speech back and greeted me.

"What are you doing Mum?"

"You know, I – I have to prepare the wedding -"

"We´ve got a wedding planner and a catering service – all you need to do is dress up well and be there for Lorraine."

She held in for a moment, then she put down the towel she held in her hands and nodded.

"You´re right."

She did not look into my eyes, but she went upstairs to prepare for the wedding and I can tell you – I´ve never seen her looking so beautiful.

~y~

It was half an hour before the wedding, when I entered Lorraine´s old room where she dressed up with Nora.

It was strange to see her in the wedding dress, but she looked like a elf princess.

Her hair looked beautiful and her dress was not recognized as an old one that our mother wore when she got married.

I smiled at her and suddenly I realized that all that had been between us was no longer important.

That, all that had been, that happened all those month could be forgotten, just for once.

Today it was Lorraine`s wedding, her special day, and I would be there for her, like all the other family members would be, and as they would be when my big day had come.

Because – no matter – we could still be a big, happy and strong family.


	52. Wedding Night

_**Unbelievable but true. I did it! I wrote the final chapter.  
So, if anyone is still somehow interested:  
I am sorry. I had so much to do, no ideas and later on, I totally forgot a about it.  
After one and a half year I wrote this chapter in about an hour, so if it´s nonsense don´t hate me.  
**__**English is still not my native language**__** and since I finished school over two years ago, there may be huge mistakes in this text. I am sorry if there are.**_

**_Last but not least many thanks for the reviews of_**_CBurns1995__**, **__Mochi Schnauzer__**, **__Kitten008; Emmavics __**for the last chapter. Your reviews made me finish it.**_

**_Maybe you could leave reviews . I would enjoy them so much._**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Cheaper by the dozen**

_**There are two songs played during this chapter.  
Frank Sinatra – Fly me to the moon  
Henry Mancini/ Johnny Mercer – Moon River (sung by Audrey Hepburn)  
I do not own them either. **_

**Wedding Night**

(Nora)

The fireflies danced around the garden lights under the huge tent, while Henrys Band played Frank Sinatras _Fly me to the Moon_. In the middle of the tent Lorraine and Will were having their first dance as a married couple.

And Lorraine was happy. I can tell you. She had a wonderful smile on her face and for this moment everything was perfect. It was her day, her evening, her dance.

She looked beautiful in her white wedding dress, simple, but graceful and Wills eyes would shine every time he turned around to me, as if they both were the happiest people on earth and below. I could not do anything else but put on a smile myself because, everything that happened didn´t count.

Not here, not yet. Tomorrow perhaps, and yes, I did not wish for anything more than going up that dancing floor, too, side by side not with Bud, not with Henry, not even Dad, but with Charlie.

But for the first time since the fateful day the car hid him, my heart would accept that he wasn´t here to see his little sister being the happiest girl in the world. Because life goes on. It always does, no matter what happens, somewhere always someone would get married, and somewhere else someone would die. It´s not up to me to decide, not even to question, because even if I did, it would not change a thing.

Suddenly someone lay a hand on my shoulder and I flinched for a moment, turned around and saw Bud offering me a hand. Without being noticed by me, Mom and Dad had gone on stage and joint the brand new married couple.

I took Buds hand and followed him to the dance floor and before I even could noticed another song was started, and Dad went over to Lorraine and took his little girl for a dance.  
Time rushed while all danced, more and more people joining us, filling up the stage, dancing in simple whole.

I caught a blurred picture of Sarah dancing with two boys at a time, and Jessica and Kim making some party on their own. And everytime I would turn into the right direction, I would see a smiling silhouette of some stranger.

With every moment that we past the stranger, I got more and more confused, because it seemed more and more like Charlie. The whirly, dark hair, the way he was standing at the tents door. My heart beat faster then anything I ever knew.

This couldn´t be, I knew it, but nevertheless I suddenly fought myself free, escaped the crowed and stumbled into the direction I thought I had seen him. I almost fell out of the tents entrance into the dark night, my breath being flat and fast.

But there was nothing.

"Nora?"

A humbled voice let me turn around and I suddenly stood face to face with Jake, who looked pretty much uncomfortable, but there was something else in his eyes, a look I needed some time for to figure out what it meant. He was worried. He was worried about me.  
"Are you alright?"

I studied him for a while, arms crossed over his chest, like Charlie had done it a thousand time, the dark, curly hair falling in his face, like Charlies, and the charm fell of it all. I hadn´t seen Charlie. I had seen Jake, standing a little bit off-road, because the huge crowed was still a bit too much for his traumatized mind.

For a moment I could not say a word, but then I suddenly grabbed his hand and said:  
"Yes. I´m good. But you know, I would be much more better, if you would give me just one dance."  
His mouth dropped open in protest, but I did not let him. I just took him with me, on the dance floor.

The band was playing _Moon River_ as I held on to him.  
Charlie was gone, but Jake was still there. Just like Lorraine, and Henry, and Sarah and Mark.  
And Jessica, Kim, Mike, Nigel and Kyle. And Mum and Dad. They were still there. And I wouldn´t let them go.

_**The End**_

_**_  
There it is, the final chapter. When I started this story, I first planned an epilogue, but I think the end is good as it is, isn´t it? Yes it´s pretty cheesy, but the story was so hard, it deserved an ending like this.  
Many thanks to everyone.  
**__**  
**_


End file.
